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R

ROBBIE

Guest
What is the name of your state? MD

Can a sepration or & divorce cause medical problems? My wife has been in & out of hospitals & nursing homes because of this mess, my dad says that people cannot get helth problems because of this, so do I ask my lawer or will a doctor know?

Thanks :)

Have a great day :)
 


ellencee

Senior Member
ROBBIE
Stress can kill a person--heart attack, stroke, general shutting down of normal functioning, internalizing (developing physical maladies instead of emotional maladies); stress can bring on new ailments and make pre-existing ailments worse.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Sure can Robbie. But it doesn't sound like anything we say is going to change your Dads mind on your marriage issue. Why won't your Dad at least let you spend perhaps the weekends with your wife? Is there anyway you can work out a compromise with him? I know you hate being treated like a little kid, but it sounds like Dad has all the power and control over you. I hope you two can work things out! Do you think your Dad would go to a family counselor with you?? Someone who can be objective to both sides of the issue and offer some sort of advice?

KAT
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

In order to really understand Robbie, who seems to be a "savant", you'd need to go back through approximately 2 years worth of his postings. You'll get a better understanding of what's going on, and why Robbie keeps coming back to these forums.

IAAL
 
A

ahutchGA

Guest
???

What exactly is Robbie looking for? I've read some of his posts. He asks questions, we answer. Then he comes back months later with a variation of the same question.

What is Robbie looking for, beyond legal advise?
 

ellencee

Senior Member
ahutchGA
I just finished reading his previous posts and I am angry for Robbie that his dad has done very little to allow this grown man to live at his highest level of independent functioning. I wonder how many doctors, the last time they saw Robbie, told his father to let him grow up.
Robbie demonstrates a higher level of education and abilities than social and emotional skills. My opinion is that if his father had allowed Robbie to reach his highest level of emotional and social functioning, Robbie would be self-sufficient and not need Dad.
An IQ of 70-75 is ideal for many montonous jobs that would bore someone of a higher intelligence but are great jobs for someone who does not become bored tightening the same screw on each piece that comes down the assembly line.
People with lower IQ's than Robbie get married everyday and have children everyday.
I'm sad for Robbie and for Robbie's father, who must be a very angry man that his wife had the nerve to get sick and that his son had the balls to be born handicapped, leaving him to be in absolute control lest these underlings screw up again.
Dad will die before Robbie, most likely. Then what will Robbie do? He won't know how to function without Dad even if his tattle-tale sister takes over. Robbie is programed to follow Dad's orders.
So many assisted living facilities are available for people like Robbie and for Robbie and his wife, together as man and wife; Robbie could have had a happier, more productive, and all around better life if Dad had let go of his anger.
It won't be too late for Dad or for Robbie until each one's life here ends, and I hope somehow, someway, Dad sees a better way for Robbie and for himself.

Thank you IAAL for suggesting that we read his previous posts.
 
A

ahutchGA

Guest
Wow

Wow, Ellencee.

Thank you for summing up the situation.

I hope something can be done for them.

:)
 

ellencee

Senior Member
ahutchGA
It's just my opinion based on reading his previous posts and on my 20 years+ of working with many aspects of human needs and requirements.
I'll even bow to a former instructor who had us all review a patient's written account and review the attached photographs. The instructor has us write our assessment of the situation and failed those who wrote anything other than 'based on this information, I need to SEE the client in person, before making an assessment'.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Personally, I think Robbie has a father who has been thru a great deal w/ him. Has watched him go thru his own trails and tribulations (and said so in the e-mail that Robbie cut & pasted) And basically had enough to warrant a POA. We all have to remember now that Robbie is 47, which puts his Dad probably in the mid 60's. Dad is probably afraid for Robbie's future when he passes on. My older sister had a profoundly retarded child; it was her worst fear for 21 years (when he passed) that if something should happen to her, who would care of her son (twins, daughter normal). My younger sister has worked with the DD population in MD in a high level capacity for over 12 years now. On vacation I showed her Robbie’s posts since it had really been on my mind. I really and truly feel sorry for Robbie, but basically, since there is a court order in place, there is little anyone can do. ( Robbie & his situation are not that uncommon..well, not his exact situation, but you know what I mean...my sister deals with adults) I was hoping there could be some kind of compromise. But in all honesty, we really don’t know what Dad has been thru already or what his side of the story is. It is all so very hard….we can’t fix this for Robbie.

Ellencee, I’m not debating what you posted…I’m just stating, that’s all…..ya’ know? *shrug*

KAT
 

ellencee

Senior Member
kat1963
I don't see one area of disagreement between us! I consider your post very much in line with my thoughts on the issue and that you are only providing additional information (your 'take' on the situation).
Gee, I'm not that easily offended! As a matter of fact, I love a good debate--especially when the outcome has no real relevance to or impact upon anyone!
I do vehemently object to making fun of someone because of his or her opinion or his or her position in life. That is abusive behavior and I have no respect for those who fail to recognize the difference between laughing with and laughing at others.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Elencee, I have so many questions....I mean, I know that many of the DD population live in group homes, some are married as we both know, have children and are monitored however good or badly by the state. Why can't Robbie & his wife be in one of those??? I guess we aren't going to know unless we hear from his Dad....he must have had his reasons.

I hate this, it rips my heart out.

KAT
 

ellencee

Senior Member
kat1963
One aspect to keep in mind is the year of Robbie's birth, which is about 1955. This nation was financially booming and baby booming during the first decade after World War II. One of the more inhumane aspects of this time period was the pediatric communities outlook on babies--put them on formula (it was better for the babies. ha! it was better for industry); put deformed, 'retarded', or otherwise socially unacceptable babies and children, into homes and throw away the key--never look back; parents were encouraged to not even look at their affected newborns, but to simply put them in an institution and go on about having a good life.
Some parents did just that; it was good for State hospitals' business, and it was 'good' for the family's social standing and reputation. Some parents kept their children, as did my aunt and uncle, and provided for them the most normal life possible. Some parents kept their children and kept the family's shameful secret, the child, from ever being allowed into society.
During this time, and even now to a lesser degree, having a malformed child, or a 'retarded' child, was considered an act of vengence by God--the parents must have done something horrible for God to have sent them such a burden to bear.

Somewhere in the middle of the concepts that I have briefly described is the birth of Robbie--born at a time when it was socially unacceptable to have such a child; a time when there were no facilities as developed in the 60's and the 70's, such as assisted living facilities and schools specifically for handicapped persons. When Robbie was born, his parents could only foresee a future of burdening care, no employment opportunities, and no independent living for Robbie, and a life of burdening shame for Robbie and for them.

To add insult to injury, the mother died, leaving the widowed father with this burden to carry and the guilt of having to carry a burden he did not want, and the anger over his wife's leaving him the burden to carry alone. I sense a lot of unresolved grief in Robbie's father--that too, is from the 1950's way of thinking, ie grown men don't cry, grown men don't show affection and concern, grown men are heros, soldiers, leaders, achievers, not failures with afflicted children.

Unfortunately for the whole family, Robbie's Dad has maintained the role of absolute caretaker of Robbie and has lost sight of Robbie as anything but a troublesome burden with a red sign on his forehead that says 'you can't possibly love me; all you want is my money; and control of me from my dad'.

Robbie probably can't manage a week's income, much less a month's or a year's income and has no resources for financial management but his father. His sister will take over dictating Robbie's future when Robbie's father is gone. Robbie will never have the opportunity to function as an indivdual person instead of an object. This is the advantage from group homes, or assisted living; the person is safely housed and supervised, provided with a source of financial management, provided with job and social opportunities, and allowed to reach their level of maximum independent living.

I can say this, Robbie did receive education, wasn't and isn't locked up in a place he can't leave, hungry, or neglected. That is more than many of the children born with handicaps in the 1950's.

It would be wonderful if Dad could see a way to insure that Robbie is able to live without him after Dad's death. It would be wonderful if Dad could allow Robbie to make decisions, whether he fails or succeeds; it would be wonderful if Dad left Robbie in the care of a wife of his own, who would love him and take care of him.

That's not my decision to make for this family, though. They are going to have to operate within boundaries that allow each of them to function to the best of their abilities. Each member of this family has been affected as much as Robbie has. Dad sounds like a totally miserable, angry, jealous, threatened individual, but he probably has lots of good qualities that we don't know about.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Oh heck E, we can speculate on Robbie forever...right? I wish we knew his fathers story....it's been almost 50 years now that he has taken care of his son...I can't even imagine!!! Can you? Dad could have put him in an institution and just left him there, no questions asked during that period of time...and forever. Dad didn't do that...Dad, didn't take the easy way out...Dad is trying to what is best for his son.....or what he thinks is best for his son as he himself enters the golden years. It's not an easy situation for anyone....
KAT
 

kat1963

Senior Member
E..sorry for being a B...I didn't direct at you....NO...just things in general. Hey, if you want to fight we can do so with vaccinations..as a discusion only right???
I'm teasing.
Kindest regards;
Kimbely
 

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