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Divorce issues for my Fiance'

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A

Arknight

Guest
What is the name of your state? Arkansas

Situation: 5 months ago I my fiance moved in with me when her (now)ex-husband kicked her out of their house. At that time, she had a problem with cutting herself on her arms and legs. He has apparently always been a major control freak up to and including losing several previous jobs in order to follow her around to see what she was doing. (Stalking her from what I can tell.) As long as she was with him, he would put the restrictions on her as to who she could talk to, be friends with, phone and computer use, etc.

Since she moved out, she's gotten counseling, and medication for the depression that she undergoes. She got accepted to college, and is looking forward to that. The biggest problem is that he keeps her from their children (boys 14 and 10). The divorce decree he convinced her to sign (without talking to or having it looked at by a lawyer because she felt that with her state of mind at that time she wouldn't have any chance of visitation at all and he offered the chance for 'supervised' visitation.) gave him custody of the kids, and she could visit them whenever he felt like letting her. He had to be there, and noone she knew (he told her this flat out) could ever supervise a visit.

A couple of days ago, my fiance had a chance to stay overnight with the kids. Next morning, she said she was moving back in there to be with the kids and make them happy (that she couldn't be selfish and be happy herself) She's always cared so much for the kids, that it tore her completely up to be away from them.

However, it's already started with his control act. He's mentioned to her that he's not sure of this 'school thing'. Tell's her she can keep her cellphone so he can call her between her classes to check up on her and given her a street she has to follow back home, he's trying to completely cut her off from all her friends and myself (although she still calls to talk to myself and her best friend too even though he can get very upset about it).

90% of his treatment of her and the kids are all mind/emotional/control games and she's scared that any little thing she does wrong will have him keeping the kids away from her.

I'm worried that the longer she's there, she'll get back to the point of cutting herself, him not letting her go to counseling, school, and all the things that make her happy.

She wants to get herself and the kids away from him, but she has no idea where to turn or how to manage it.

How can I help? What can she do about the decree and visitation/custody/etc.?

I appreciate any help.
Tom
 


stephenk

Senior Member
And what is it about her that interests you? She is married to someone else and you call her your fiance? She is willing to cheat on her marriage yet is not as committed to being with you as you thought.

She obviously is not in the mental state to contend with you and her family. Remember you are only hearing her side of the issues and you know she has some serious mental problems.

Why dont you back off and let her go through this on her own. you havent mentioned that she asked for your help in any way. If you really really want to help, set up an appointment for her to see a family law attorney alone and let HER make the decisions on how she wants to run her life.

I know you want to help but some people need to get through the slop on their own. Who knows, she may just be using you to get back at her hubby.
 
A

Arknight

Guest
Maybe I didn't make it clear, that she hasn't been married to him since a month after he kicked her out. We didn't get engaged until a month after that. And I really can't see the woman I love get hurt if I can help it.

He manipulated her into signing the divorce and visitation arrangements. She felt that she had to get better first before she could even think about getting custody. He has used her love for the kids to keep control even at a distance.

When he moved her back out of my place the other day, he didn't let her get three feet from him. I have gotten to talk to her still, even though he gets p'd about it and yells at her. She's said flat out that she did an idiotic thing in going back, but she is so afraid he'll keep her from them, that she thinks she has to be there or else.

If she gets him upset, he winds up taking it out on yelling at her, then the kids as well. and I and several others have seen how he treats her and the kids like property instead of people. And that's just wrong.

the problem isn't finding a lawyer, it's affording one. Getting one to even listen to the situation without charging up front which is what all I've talked too seem to want.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I think your fiancee needs to contact a women's shelter, for starters. Then she needs to get therapy for herself, before she gives any thought to (a) being able to get custody or (b) having a boyfriend let alone a fiance.

You, on the other hand, are involved in a dysfunctional situation that will only lead to a world of hurt in the years to come unless she gets help for herself.

Sorry to be frank.
 

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