• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Interoffice Dating...

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

D

dad'sgf

Guest
What is the name of your state? Louisiana..

I am involved with a coworker. We have been together for about 9 months now and have not disclosed this fact to our employer. We are not sure what his reaction will be if and when we he does find out, but my question is if there is anything legally he could do about the fact. I was previously under the impression that he could not fire either of us because it was not forbidden in company policy to date a coworker, but I have since read about "at will employment" on this site and know that he can fire us whenever for whatever. If he does find out and fires one (or both) of us, will we be entitled to collect unemployment?

Also, what right does he have to inquire about our personal lives and what we do during our personal time? Every time I put in for vacation days, or we take off of work on the same day, I get the "third degree" about what we are doing, where we are going, etc. If we go to lunch together, we get asked where we went, why we were together, and we are given a hard time about it. Does he have the right to demand to know all of our personal business? I'm sure he probably has suspicions that we are dating but are we obligated to tell him? I am looking for a new job but because I am in school, I haven't been successful in finding anything to work with my schedule and that will pay me as much. I'm just wondering if I have to just put up with the intrustions and badgering us with questions or if I should tell him he has to stay out of my personal life.
 


L

loku

Guest
Your employer has a right to inquire into your personal life only if it is in connection with something that could effect your job performance or the good name of the company. Whom you date is probably none of his business unless somehow that starts to effect your job performance or that of your co-workers. However, you are right about at-will employment. You can be terminated for any reason or for no reason at all, unless it is for an illegal reason such as discrimination because of sex, color, etc. So if you refuse to answer your employer’s questions, he could fire you, and there would be nothing you could do about it unless you could prove that he was invading your privacy. And it is possible that is the case here. But proving it is sometimes difficult and since you are in school you probably would not incur much damages if you were improperly fired, so it would probably not be worth bringing a somewhat questionable law suit.

As for unemployment benefits, as long as you are not fired for cause, you would qualify. However, the employer might make out a case of firing “for cause” and it might be difficult for you to prove otherwise.
 
D

dad'sgf

Guest
that's where I'm not so clear....

Thank you for responding so quickly!!

I guess in a way he could imply that our dating would affect our job performance, however, it has NOT. We barely even speak to each other at work with the exception of going to lunch together occasionally on our lunch hour. What would I need to "prove" an invasion of privacy? What exactly constitutes an invasion of privacy? His inquiring into personal business has gone on for years and while it was a little annoying, it never bothered me as much until I had something I was trying to hide. Our main reason for wanting to "hide" the fact is that we don't want everyone meddling in our business....Eventually we will disclose it when I can find a secure job somewhere else...

If I do get fired, I cannot be without pay. I have noone else to fall back on right now, I'm putting myself through school. Doesn't he have to prove a "for cause" firing in order to deny me unemployement? I know that there have been times in the past where employees were fired and tried to collect unemployment and we had to go to court to prove the cause and actually lost a few times. I'm assuming that dating a coworker doesn't qualify as a cause though..

I'm rambling here...I'm just trying to grasp the situation I'm in right now...I absolutely fell in love with this guy and we plan on getting engaged so eventually the "truth will come out" but for now we think it's best to keep it under wraps to avoid a huge drama at work...

If you could just give me some input on the invasion of privacy and what constitutes a "cause" for firing that would deny me unemployment...
 
L

loku

Guest
There are no hard and fast rules here. The employer has a right to question you about your dating if there is reason to believe it has an adverse affect on the work or moral. Otherwise, forcing you to tell about your dating is an invasion of privacy. However, if you give hime the answers that could be a waiver of your right to privacy in that matter.

If the employer has a legitimate concern about your dating having an adverse effect, then your refusal to answer him could be cause for firing.

As you can see, all of this is a matter of opinion and either side could possibly win in an unemployment hearing or court case. There are no sure guidelines.
 
D

dad'sgf

Guest
Blah....

Thank you for your help Ioku...

It's as I had feared...no sure answer about what could happen here...

Hopefully if it does get down to it, his ignorance of the legality of firing me and invasion of privacy, etc. would be enough of a threat to get him to leave me alone and not fire me or let me collect my unemployment in peace (if it gets down to that)...

anyways..

Thank you so much for your help..
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
I'm not altogether sure I agree with loku entirely.

One of the reasons interoffice dating is often frowned upon is because of the potential for sexual harassment issues down the road. I'm not saying this will happen - obviously I don't know you, your friend, or your relationship. But it has happened elsewhere, not infrequently, that an interoffice relationship goes sour and THEN one of the parties claims sexual harassment. Your employer has a right to know about any relationships that could ultimately lead him to be sued under the EEOC down the road, and that is not as farfetched as you may think.
 
D

dad'sgf

Guest
hmm...

I see your point on this...hadn't really thought about it that way...

While I would never dream of doing that even if the relationship did go bad, can't he only be sued if I file a complaint with him and nothing is done about it? I see that he should be able to protect himself from this, but I don't see how it's fair for an employer to get sued for something that he wasn't able to stop (harassment) because he didn't know about it.

I knew this interoffice dating thing would be complicated when I got into the relationship, but I was more worried about us being around each other 24/7 and how weird it would be if we broke up than I was about losing my job, legal issues, etc.
 

Beth3

Senior Member
What people OUGHT to be able to sue for and what they actually DO try to sue for are two different things. Even a frivolous or meritless suit brought against an employer costs the employer big bucks in legal expenses. It's small comfort for the employer to say to himself "That ridicoulous suit was finally dismissed but it cost me $20,000 in legal bills."

Presuming your employer isn't just plan nosey, then he may be concerned about a possible SH exposure. cbg is right - more than one SH claim/suit has been brought by an employee who had an ugly break-up with a co-worker and now wants to get even by claiming harassment - and get some easy money from the employer to boot.

Presuming that is his motivation, I have to agree he's being pretty darn heavy-handed and clumsy on how he's going about things.
 

gowest

Member
loku, cbg, Beth3:

Just curious... what if one or both of the parties involved were married? Would your advice change?
 
D

dad'sgf

Guest
unfortunately I don't think his motives are that noble..

I definitely see where you guys are coming from with the sexual harassment situation.

I work in a small office however and the boss isn't a "business man" so to speak. I don't think he knows the first thing about protecting himself from ANY kind of liability upfront (we have questionable immigrant working for us) much less dealing with sexual harassment. I think his biggest concerns are (A) being nosy (as I said previously, he's always been a little nosy about our business) and (B) We'll get in a big argument in the middle of the office and he'll have to pick sides. LOL...so I guess I don't really have to much to worry about, but only because I don't think my boss is up to speed on these things. He'd probably be easily scared by the invasion of privacy threat and won't fight unemployment too hard, if it gets down to it.

So here's my last question....say I do get fired, let go, etc. because of his possible liability for a sexual harassment suit. Is this a "for cause" firing that would prevent me from getting unemployment? What exactly constitutes a "for cause" termination?
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
While there is no possible way to guess how any unemployment claim would go, generally in order to have unemployment benefits denied the termination has to have been for stealing, fighting, willful violation of a company policy, and so on. In the situation you describe, if he did fire you because he was afraid of a possible SH suit, my guess is that you WOULD get benefits, since you were fired for something that he was afraid would happen, not something that had happened, if you get my drift. It would be a legal firing, but I doubt that benefits would be denied.
 

Beth3

Senior Member
"Just curious... what if one or both of the parties involved were married? Would your advice change?" I assume you mean married to other people and that the two co-workers are having an affair.

No, my advice wouldn't change. This isn't about personal morals - what people do in their private lives really isn't the boss's business unless it spills over into the workplace. I do think the potential for a situation like this to get ugly at work is greatly heightened though for obvious reasons. Plus once co-workers begin to suspect two of their married colleagues are having an affair, the gossip mill starts to run wild and that alone interferes with the workplace.

Personally, I think "no dating" rules at work are pointless. You can't stop people from falling in love or in lust, such as the case may be. I do generally think prohibiting supervisor-subordinate intimate relationships is appropriate though. Somebody needs to transfer or find a new job if that happens. But if you prohibit dating of co-workers alltogether, all the employer succeeds in doing is driving the relationship "underground" because they ARE going to happen. What the employer needs to do is intervene early-on anytime an employee is behaving inappropriately at work. And that applies whether Joe and Jane are standing around making goo-goo eyes at each other over the copier or are cuddling in the janitor's closet, or have just had a break-up and are now engaging in a cold war at work or are hissing at each other everytime they meet in the hallway. On either end of the spectrum, the key is holding employees to professional standards of conduct and insisting people keep their personal matters outside the workplace.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top