Have your husband file a petition to adopt with your consent. In North Carolina, "extreme parental disinterest" is one reason to ask the courts to terminate your ex-husband's parental rights. "Failure to maintain contact" is another reason.
Just because he sporadically pays support, does not mean he has the right to stop any adoption efforts by your new husband.
If he really wants to fight you, the adoption process may take more than a year.
One thing you will have to keep in mind. The court will do whatever is in the child's best interest.
You may be in for a battle, but since your ex has no desire to see your child, I don't think he'll put forth the effort or pay the expense to protect his "rights".
Stick to your guns, do not communicate with your ex, and your husband should win the adoption.
Make a consultation with a family lawyer. Some will see you for free, some will charge $100, but you need good advice.
I'm not a lawyer, but have had to learn the hard way about the stepparent adotion process.
You have a winnable case. Wishing you the best.
