step parent adoption

What is the name of your state? arizona
I have 3 children with a dead beat dad he has never payed childsupport or does he visit the children and is not on the birth certificate but i was told my husband is not able to adopt my children until i have the natural fathers rights taken away he isnt even on the birth certificate. and it is to expensive for us to hire an attorney which is what i was told that i need to do
is there any way we can do it ourselves without having him sign off on the paper work. please help any advice

The easiest action for you to take is to let your children use your husband's last name and forget about step-parent adoption until such time as you are financially able to pursue adoption.

I believe the statistics on first marriages is that 50% end in divorce and the rate for second marriages is higher. Considering the fact that you have 3 children by a man to whom you were not married, the relationship was obviously somewhat longterm and it failed, for whatever reason and that reason does not matter. Chances are, based on statistics, this marriage won't last and if your husband has adopted your children, he will be responsible for child support; you will be responsible for guaranteeing visitation, etc. and the nightmare will continue until the youngest is no longer receiving support.

I advise you to leave well enough alone and simply let the children use your husband's last name. Besides, if real dad wins $100 million in the lottery, I'm sure you'd want your children to be entitled to their inheritance and some really good child support.

well the reason the relationship with their natural father dident work is because he is imature he was never home always out drinking with friends he would come home drunk and act violent
he has been arrested several times for domestic violence and he had a drug problem which all came about in the time we were together and couldent keep a job. I stayed with him for as long as i could be the violence just got to bad, the last insedence the kids saw me with blood pooring down my face and that was it i had enough. since ive been with my husband he treats my kids as if they were his own we also have a one year old togther so for the comment about not staying together and having to still deal with him well I would have to any ways.

You can do this yourself, if you are determined to do so. You will need to go to court to obtain an order requiring the birth father to submit to a paternity test; a paralegal can help you fill out the proper paperwork for less than an attorney would charge. Once you get the order, you wait on the father to comply. Then you pay for the paternity tests, which will costs about $700 per child (it does in my area, anyway). Then, the father must sign to voluntarily sign away his rights as a parent and the court must allow this. Then, you get an order allowing the adoption and the changing of the birth certificates.

You may want to check on your state's laws as regards a certain period of time without contact from the father being grounds for allowing step-parent adoption. You still have the issue of establishing paternity in order for the father to relinquish his parental rights.

Chances are the father isn't going to get an attorney and spend the money required to fight you. Then again, there are grandparents and aunts and uncles who may not want to lose their rights to be a part of the children's lives and would be willing to give him the funds necessary to fight you.

You could head this off at the pass by entering into a legal agreement to allow the children to have visitation with the extended family members despite the father's allowing the adoption.

If you don't have at least $2,000 available to do this now, then you need to wait until such time as you can afford to take these actions. In the meantime, there is nothing to prevent your children from using your husband's name. Any time a birth name is required, you can simply state 'new name' AKA 'birth name'.

Please never make these children feel that their birth name is an obstacle to your happiness with them as your children. They are who they were born and they are members of this birth family in many ways that have nothing to do with the law's opinion as to whose family they belong. Your acceptance of them as individuals born into family X is of great importance, even more so than being adopted by their stepfather.

well in our stste you can claim abandonment after 6 months.
I dont know where the biological father is to notifie him and even if i did find him he wouldent show up!
the biological fathers family has never met our children and dosent care too!
I have already changed their names legaly to mine and my husbands but i just dont see why i should go threw with the adoption because the biological father and all of his family could care less about them!
its really sad because before when ha came around every once and a while when they were younger he would always be drunk and he would always call and say im comeing by to see you the kids would get all excited and wait all day mostly staring out the window and he would never show up and when he did show up he would only stay a few minutes and be on his way.
Im just looking out for my childrens feelings.

I meant why i shouldent go threw with the adoption!

The decision is yours. In your situation, I don't see where it offers anyone any advantages over the status quo and it will cost an estimated $2,000 or more. Like I said, the decision is yours.

melissam said:

I meant why i shouldent go threw with the adoption!

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You can, but the point ellencee is making is that there are certain steps you MUST follow to do it legally.