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Engaged not yet married, adopt??

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S

speck

Guest
What is the name of your state? NJ

I'm engaged but not yet married. I have been living with my fiancee and her 6 yr old son for awhile now and would like to adopt him. We have the consent of the birth father and he is willing to give up his parental rights to me. What I would like to know is if its possible to adopt without being married. There are some matters we need to clear up before marriage but we would still like to start the adoption process if its possible.
 


Seanscott

Member
From my experience, the court likes to see the commitment of a marriage. Living together for an extended period before the marriage is a plus, but a marriage certificate makes things a lot easier.

I don't think you can adopt as a live-in boyfriend - Even with mom & biodad's consent.

After you visit an attorney and start the ball rolling on the adoption process, it will still be a couple months before anything goes to court, even in an uncontested adoption.

In our case, we lived together for over 4 years, got married on a Thursday and went to the lawyer on Friday. That was in February and (hopefully) the adoption will be approved this month.

I don't know about New Jersey, but in Indiana, the court likes the couple to be married for a year before they consider a stepparent adoption. This can be waived, but it's not a sure thing.

There are other things to consider also. Is biodad behind in support payments? Has Mom taken ANY state aid? Do you have a criminal record? Do you have other children?

Good luck to you. Sounds like you're really trying to cover all the bases.
 
S

speck

Guest
To answer your questions, the bio father isnt behind on any support payments, mother hasnt taken state aid, I have no criminal record or any other children. Aside from the fact that I'd like this child to be my legal son, it would ease quite a burden with insurance and such and I feel its in the childs best interest as does my fiancee. One other question I do have is the cost of this. I've read some mind numbing numbers, but I've been assuming in this particular situation with the bio father not being a problem and will sign rights over to me, that it would be a fairly straight forward procedure. I'm waiting on a call from a lawyer about this, but I figured I'd put it out here for some feedback.
 

stephenk

Senior Member
so go to a justice of the peace or city hall and get married. if the adoption is so important to both of you, do ALL that you need to do to make the process smoother and quicker.
 

Seanscott

Member
Our stepparent adoption case was contested at first, but the biodad quickly quit participating in the court procedures.

Our filing fees totalled around $150, a home study cost us $100. We gave our attorney $1,000 (she charges $100 an hour), and if our adoption is completed this month, we think we'll get a little refund. So the whole thing will cost us around $1000, more or less. There will be another fee for a new birth certificate, but it's not much.

Shop around. Have all your info handy when you visit the attorney. The more you can do yourself, the more money you save.

Wishing you all the best!
 
C

CaliCat

Guest
How wonderful that he is paying. Why does he want nothing to do with his son though? Does he visit at all?
 

haiku

Senior Member
GET MARRIED! most states will require that. Some states require a waiting period, others (like mine) don't.

My childs adoption was uncontested, I waived past due support, and with one notorized letter from the bio-dad, our wedding certificate, and a 50 dollar filing fee, my husband adopted my child 3 months following our wedding. took 5 minutes before a judge.
 

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