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S E

Guest
What is the name of your state? Florida

I will try and keep this as brief as possible, but there is a lot of information to be given.

13 years ago as a wild, irresponsible young woman, I managed to party a little too hard and got pregnant. The bigger problem than being pregnant was that I did not know who the father was. There was more that one possibility but they knew I was pregant and what the situation was. I have since met a man and fallen in love. We are now married and have 2 daughters together.

We want husband to adopt my son and herein lies the problem. My son knows hubby is not bio - but still considers him dad. State of FL wants paternal rights to be terminated on an unknown person. First they told us that we would have to place an ad in the paper where conception occured, then we called back on how to do that and they said we had to hire an atty because it is "100 times harder to do an unknown parent than a missing parent". Hiring an atty is not going to suddenly make us know who the father is. My son is now 12, and more than anything wants to be adopted. why does someone who knew I could be pregnant with their child 13 years ago and never lifted a finger to find out paternity, have more rights to my son that the man that has raised and cared for him the last 7 years? My husband is his father, the other guy was purely a doner. Any suggestions? We are going to place the ad (if we can figure out how to word it) and find a way to finish what we started. We already paid the $145 filing fee with the original paperwork, before they started trying to make us jump through hoops.
 
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ellencee

Senior Member
You may want to consider reposting, leaving out so many personal details, and refraining from calling one of four possible fathers a degrogatory name. Perhaps then you will receive some advice on how to publish and how to locate.
There are many fathers out there who would be thrilled to find they have a son and would want a relationship with their own flesh and blood. Of course, there are those who would not be happy at all.
Do your best to find the father of your son.
 
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gooberitiz

Guest
Hey remember you said it...you were an EASY LAY.

Men assume if you are easy to bed you should be smart enough not to get pregnant. YOU wanted to get laid, and YOU did it with multiple partners.

So the men had NO IDEA you were dumb enough not to be on the pill.

So NO ONE is stiffing you for support, YOU chose to STIFF THEM by getting preganant and forgetting about it for 12 years..now all of a sudden its important to you..

Where were YOU 12 years ago when it mattered?
 

Seanscott

Member
These kind of ads run in the paper all the time under the "legal" heading. It shouldn't be hard to find an old one, and just change the details to fit your situation.

It's the state's ballgame and you have to play by their rules, no matter how slow or ridiculous they become.

Oh yeah - great advice Goober. It must be wonderful to never have made any mistakes in your life. I know I've changed a lot in the last 12 years, apparently this women has also. It's so easy to criticize isn't it? Do you build yourself up by knocking others down? Get a life.
 
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S E

Guest
Thanks for the support Sean. I'm going to call the state today to try and find out what their plans are if two come forward to claim my son. I hope they're paying for the DNA tests, I sure can't.

As for you Gooberitz, obvoiusly you do not read well. I said THEY ALL KNEW the situation. I have even seen and spoken with each of them since giving birth. No one had any interest in being a Daddy.

And for the record - 25-30 year old men who have to get a 19 year old girl plastered and/or high to bed her should never assume anything. The last time I checked - birth control was not the sole responsibility of the woman.

To say I stiffed them and forgot about it for 12 years is ridiculous! I see my son every day, how could I forget for 12 years? I know for a fact that one of these men could find me very easily, I've seen and talked to him in the last 6 years, and he never mentioned the paternity issue.

I will admit, at this point I am concerned that if the state makes us find out who the father is, what will I do if he refuses to give up his rights.
 

Seanscott

Member
The DNA test is paid for by the biofather after patenity is proven. If he is not the father, then you have to pay for it. In Indiana it's $300.

Since your son is 12 years old, his voice will have some bearing on any court decision concerning adoption. If you were able to file for adoption today, it would still be almost a year before it was final. Your son may be 14 before you have any closure. At that age the court cannot make him visit biodad.

Most likely the biodad will never see the ad, and then the court will terminate his rights. If he does see it, he has a set amount of time to answer the courts (in Indiana it's 30 days). If he doesn't answer, then you can pretty much just go ahead with termination of rights, and the adoption filing. Again - it's a sloooooow process!

I'm not a lawyer, just someone who's learned the adoption laws the hard way!

Hope it all works out for you!
 
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S E

Guest
Sean, Florida changed all their laws regarding step-parent adoption last year. You now have to perform a due-dilligence search, consisting of about 20 different ways to locate people, before you can get the hearing that allows you to place the ad. Then the ad has to run for 4 consecutive weeks and the hearing is sheduled some 60 days after that. So I'm guessing it will be next summer before we get anywhere.

Thanks for the support.
 
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gooberitiz

Guest
YES you STIFFED them for 12 years...

YOU didnot care enough to make sure who was the father, now its important to you..geez

You had plenty of time to do this while you were unatttcahed.

Now that your hubby wants to adopt, the bio dad doesnt have to worry about child support, so why make it easy for you. You lied to them for 12 years so now its payback time.

Hopefully they will gang up on you and demand to see who is the father, and prevent you from adopting.
 
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S

S E

Guest
You are an evil and petty person.

I guess you don't know much about the court system, but paternity tests aren't cheap. The only way I could have afforded to get them done was through CSE and going after money. I did that for one. It upset my son immensely and I decided I would avoid doing it again no matter how tight the budget got.

If the sperm donor cared about whether or not he had a son, he could have asked, but obviously they were all too concerned about whether or not they would have to shell out any money. And for the record, they ALL KNEW I had a boy. I have not lied to any of them. They all know the circumstances that could pertain to them including a blood type that does not match mine, and the variance in hair and eye color from anyone in my family.

You have no idea how long I was unattached or any other circumstances, so don't get all high and mighty with me. My first priority has always been (and will always be) my children. My son WANTS to be adopted by my husband.

I hope you can be so righteous when you come face to face with your past.
 
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gooberitiz

Guest
Then CALL Jenny Jones, Maury Povich, Jerry Springer, and tell them your story, and they will get the guys to submit to a DNA test and pay for it.
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And for the record, they KNEW I had a boy. I have not lied to any of them
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but they KNEW what kind of a person you were, so why should anyone want to stand up and have you in thier lives?

It works BOTH WAYS kiddo!
 
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S E

Guest
I don't care about getting a paternity test you idiot. The point here is for the one person who has been a father to my son to legally have the title.

Yeah, as I said before, guys that get a girl plastered and/or high before they take her to bed, upstanding citizens that need to worry about what kind of person I was. puh-leeze.

Don't call me kiddo. You are obviously a judgemental and opionated jerk who has nothing better to do in life than slam people looking for help! I've looked at your other posts. People don't come to this site looking to be talked down to or condemned. Do the world a favor, get a life or jump out of a plane without a parachute! In either case, leave people on this board alone.
 
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gooberitiz

Guest
Oh pleazzzze You wanted to get drunk and high, dont blame the men for it, did they hold you at gunpoint and told you to drink and smoke dope?

If so Then why didnt you file criminal charges?

You are a woman. you wanted to get laid, so what?

Good luck!

======================

Yeah, as I said before, guys that get a girl plastered and/or high before they take her to bed,
upstanding citizens that need to worry about what kind of person I was. puh-leeze.
 
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pamelacpr

Guest
Why are some people so mean on this forum? Some people that post are really hurting and to come off and attack people is really cruel. These people are vulnerable and sometimes desperate for answers, guidance, etc. I think you should refrain from attacking people without knowing both sides of the story.
 
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gooberitiz

Guest
Pamela nobody's being mean, i'm just being honest.

She got drunk and got laid by a bunch of guys, so none of the guys wanted to take responsibility, becuase chances are she would go out and get drunk and get laid by a bunch of more guys.....

She was NOT relationship material, at that time.
 

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