Ex wants no 'sleepovers'

What is the name of your state? Virginia. My boyfriend is divorced..Aug 2002. He never dated until it was final. He has 3 wonderful, intelligent sons (of course Mom and Dad are both attorneys) He's a good Dad and now his ex wife is making noise about my spending the night or 'sleepovers' as she calls them, when the boys are there. I sleep in a seperate room, usually with a 5 month old great-grandson of mine, who his kids adore. We never sleep together or do anything inappropriate in front of any of the kids. They split custody. His lawyer and especially her lawyer says Va is a pro-child state. Not a problem for me. We sleep in seperate rooms and the kids like my being there. I have fun with them and give them accolaides about what cool Mom and Dad they have. Then Mom starts talking to them and making them report or be concerned re Dad's 'sleepover'. I understand some of the concern, ie various women and 'sleepovers'. However this man does not engage in sleeping around. I'm the 2nd women he's been serious with in his life. He's 49 and a Christian. Goes to church every Sunday. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him as a Dad and his ex for what she has accomplished in her career and as a caring parent.
My question is can the state interfere in a parent's life to say who is not fit based on an occassional 'sleepover' in a seperate room? Or if he comes to my house to 'sleepover' while their grandmom is babysitting? His ex wanted the divorce and now she's upset about the whole thing. Their son's love me and I them. I think this is a shock to her. They go home raving about me and my great-grandson to their Mom.
We are considering marriage, but in a few months. In the meantime do i have to do what her lawyer suggests...leave when the kids go to bed?? I did that as a teenager..

My response:

Okay, your boyfriend is an attorney. His ex is an attorney. And, they are both represented by counsel.

It sounds to me like you have a "brain trust" going on, and vast resources from which to glean information on your subject, as a result of that brain trust.

So, if that's the case, what is your boyfriend and/or his attorney saying about this situation and your question?

IAAL

Ex says no sleepovers

His attorney says to get engaged, her attorney says my boyfriend doesn't have his ex's approval for sleepovers, even in seperate rooms, I should leave when the children go to bed. My boyfriend says he doubts that the state of Virginia will keep him from seeing his children because I sometimes sleep in the other room. Her attorney cited Brown v. Brown, which is concerning adultry and the children living in the same house. His atty pointed out another case and the outcome was in favor of the supposed 'offending' party. He's checked other cases, could not find any that dealt with visitation and a female friend, fiance or whatever sleeping over, though not in the same bed.
If by 'brain trust' you're speaking to me re these attorneys. I'd say yes, there is a trust issue when it comes to understanding these various legal opinions. It appears because his ex-wife is from a fundamental Christian background, he was also, she expected that he would remain alone rather find a girlfriend he and their children like very much. Not to mention what sleepovers imply.
In their therapy, she said would get married again, and he said he probably would not. She wanted the divorce. Quite simply, she's used to him doing as he's told by her for 25 years.
If there is a legal problem with my staying over or his staying at my place, I'd like to know for myself. I don't have an attorney. My boyfriend may be biased. He's not much concerned about it, I am. I believe the state of Virginia is concerned about fornication in these cases. Does sleeping over mean we are fornicating?? Puh-leeze!
We can wait, if we must. We love each other, enjoy talking and the companionship. We're both mature, not teenagers with uncontollable libidoes. We've talked about getting married in the near future. I don't want to inadvertently break any laws , albeit, antiquated ones.