Mental Cruelty???

lynnharp · Feb 20, 2003

What is the name of your state? TX

I recently found a copy of my mother's divorce from my father. She remarried for 19 years after that marriage but she always told me she divorced him because he was not what she expected a husband to be like. She told me she lost the copy of the divorce but yet I recently found it after all these years and in a place that was impossible to not know it was there. She lied about losing the copy which is fine. If she didn't want to show me the divorce, that is her right.

She was granted the divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty. What in the world? And this divorce was granted in the year 1974. What would mental cruelty consist of? What were the laws back then to prove mental cruelty?

Thanks,

Becky

stealth2 · Feb 21, 2003

Why is it really any of your business? If Mom doesn't want you to know the details, it's her right. And based on your other posts - I think you have more important things to be worrying about.

VeronicaGia · Feb 21, 2003

If that was back before no-fault divorces were common, she likely had to come up with a reason. Mental cruelty could be verbal abuse or neglect or something along that line. But like I said, if that was before the no fault days, she had to come up with something to get divorced.

I agree with momma tiger too, just because you found the paper doesn't make it your business.

lynnharp · Feb 21, 2003

Oh, it definately is my business. My business completely. My real father whom that divorce was with is now dying of mesothelmia (asbestos cancer), has been going through intense chemo for a couple months and is expected to die in around three months.

You see my mother neglected to tell me that my father was even sick. She was supposed to tell me two months ago and didn't. My sister rushed up to Ohio a week ago because they thought he was going then but didn't. I talked to my mother twice last week. Once she was crying her eyes out and wouldn't tell me why. She still didn't tell me. I found three days ago.

Also, my father was institutionalized two times while married to my mother. He was given shock treatment on the second one. My mother was granted a divorce during the second stay. He says he took a cwaylude (??) and that my mom knew this and the next thing he knew he was in a nut house. He got out like a week and a half later to go home to my mother and to find her calling the wacko wagon back out for him. This time he got shock treatment. I believe they asked your wife/husband back then for consent.

He was back out in a couple weeks and divorced with my mother taking off with us two kids. Then she remarries and moves from Ohio to Texas.

My mother is a very well known alcoholic and druggy. She is also well known for being very mean and aggressive while drunk. My mother divorced my stepfather around 4 or 5 years ago and she hasn't been the same since. She lost it for some reason. Everything changed. Even her appearance. Come to find out this is possibly called alcohol dementia.

My mother was turned in two times for child abuse but both cases were ruled out. They didn't even investigate the second one which was my daughter. My daughter tells me after we move back in there temporarily that grandma is mean to her, hits her, and touches her in places that makes her uncomfortable. I email her play therapist (this is over the weekend) and then start making immediate plans of moving out that weekend. Come Monday I am being arrested, put in jail, and she gets my PR Bond turned down. It was her drugs I got busted with. I know this because I gave the .4 grams to her a week previous.

Now my mother has temporary custody of both my children. My mother even had the police take my son's father to jail and made him sit there for two days and then released him with no charges. I get a POCS with no indictment (still to this day) but my mother is still granted temporary custody. I tell the police, CPS, and the person that did my psychological assessment for CPS, this information but it is not enough evidence. We are even completely restricted from visitation for a reason we know nothing about.

Not enough evidence. That echos in my head as I see my daughter's face the last time I saw her and she had a blood nose because grandma pinched it to hard trying to make her take medicine and she begs me to take her with me and when I tell her I can't she renigs on what she said and walks out of the bathroom.

It is completely my business.

stephenk · Feb 22, 2003

what prevented you from contacting your father on your own? Why are you giving drugs to your mom? Why are you doing anything with drugs while trying to raise your kids?

lynnharp · Feb 22, 2003

We moved to Texas when I was pretty young and my mom and stepfather sent us up to Ohio every summer for a couple years to see him and the rest of the family but along the years our contact got farther and farther away.

About right now, I am regretting our slipping apart like I haven't regretted anything before. I don't want him to pass away with our relationship like it is. He needs to put closure on some things and god I know I do too. I refuse to let that happen before he goes. Would you believe my mother was actually trying to make me and him lose that? She told me that she didn't actually think that it mattered?

As for the other questions, I am following in my mother's footsteps. No, not really. She wanted it, I got it for her. I have been doing stupid things like that for my mother for years.

Your right, the kids. I never should have been messing with that after I had kids but it was for my mom. I had been doing it forever. There was no risk but a phone call. I never thought she would do this to me...and over trying to cover her own butt for abusing my daughter. She actually told me "I have your kids now, so what does it matter". What she actually meant I was scared to ask.

Thank you.

Becky

ginaguy18p0r · Feb 22, 2003

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lynnharp · Feb 22, 2003

I know how to find porn on the internet. I don't need you showing me where to find it. Yuck. What is wrong with you?

stealth2 · Feb 22, 2003

I'm sorry, but I don't buy this story. You posted a long song and dance about being busted on another thread, and didn't mention a thing about it being your Mom's drugs. How come? You're living with Mom. You've had your kids there. And now that you're busted, it's all her fault. Nah, I'm not buying it. Sorry.

hmmbrdzz · Feb 22, 2003

Hi Lynnharp: Your mother's history in connection with what is going on with you and your child right now is about as significant as it gets, and right now -- you need that history (particularly that of her drug use / abuse). Can you afford an attorney? Have you told any of this story about your mom to anyone else since having been busted (such as a detective?)

I think what your mother did so many years ago (take you and your sister away from your bio father at such a young age and possibly manipulate your thinking to meet her needs), and then use you later in life to get her drugs, and then call the cops on you speaks pretty powerfully to what she may be attempting to now with respect to your child (get her power back). Did she know that you found a copy of the divorce papers? A divorce based on grounds of mental cruelty back then could have been easy with your dad's history of having been committed and given shock treatment.

By the way, what your father took many years ago was a popular recreational drug used back in the 60's and 70's, Quaalude, a powerful sedative, since banned due to its addictive properties. Your dad was probably undergoing shock treatment for depression / possible suicide thoughts, as this was a popular mode of treatment back then for that. Still is, but it's not used as much now as it used to be.

I think your relationship with your dad is very important, and I encourage you to go see him.

hmmbrdzz

lynnharp · Feb 22, 2003

In response to: hmmbrdzz

I have contacted the actual DEA agent that took me to the undercover agency the day I was arrested. I sent as much proof as I possible could to him. I faxed my CPS social worker and got nowhere. Not even a return call. The person that did my Psychological assessment for CPS even called in after she met my ex and he confirmed issues. She called our social worker and she was advised to call the 1-800 referral line to report any information she had. It seems a case is open but there is not enough evidence to cause an actual investigation.

I don't know. I am scared to death. I am scared for my kids. I am also scared for my mother. She has been attacking me in ways like this for 4 or 5 years now. Never like this but they weren't nice either. My mother is one of those people that 'say the truth' in a joke. If you know what I mean. You never know when she is joking and even when you ask your not reassured.

She is a mean, vengeful, obnoxious drunk that falls all over the place and slurs constantly. She spends her days daydreaming about her revenge on people (the majority of time haven't done anything to her) and she has to make sure they know it is her getting revenge. I don't know. I spent my life picking her up and talking her out of it. If you know what I mean. I currently go to Alanon.

I can't afford an attorney. I have a court appointed and when I told him he said "they don't have enough evidence to get indictment so I haven't even read the police report yet". And he didn't imply that he would soon either.

Thanks.

Becky

lynnharp · Feb 22, 2003

momma_tiger said:
I'm sorry, but I don't buy this story. You posted a long song and dance about being busted on another thread, and didn't mention a thing about it being your Mom's drugs. How come? You're living with Mom. You've had your kids there. And now that you're busted, it's all her fault. Nah, I'm not buying it. Sorry.

I didn't mention it on the other thread because I didn't want to spill my ole song and dance to everybody. Besides most don't care. The judge doesn't. So why say it wasn't mine when it doesn't matter. Who is going to believe a thirty year old going against her mother. Right? You don't and I told you the gods to honest truth.

There is no way to prove it, so I am faced with it. I moved me and my daughter (my son stayed with his father until I could get a job, a vehicle, some extra cash) in with my mother because me and my partner of three years had just split up. I had no place else to go. I was forced to live back with my ex after jail and the reasons I left to begin with have proven themselves. So, I am stuck again. As well as my kids. Oh Well.

I'm glad you don't work for CPS or any service that has to base itself on believing people. I know it sounds crazy but it is true.

Becky

kat1963 · Feb 22, 2003

Forgive me but, you are 30 years old, moved back in with your drunken Mums…why? I was 30 when I split with my ex, I rented a townhouse (obviously couldn’t buy anything until the divorce was over). There was no way I was going to move in with my Mum and she can’t even hold a shot glass of wine. I didn’t want to cut grass, so that’s what the townhome. *LOL*
So why? I’ll tell you why. You can’t get a good job in order to support yourself, let alone your children because you don’t have an education. GET ONE. I mean what else do you have to do now that Mommy Dearest has your daughter & your ex has your other child?
You certainly do NOT sound like a stupid woman so there is really no excuse!
This entire mess could have been circumvented if you would have thought enough of yourself to obtain gainful, productive employment.
Oh, I’m sure you can think of 100 + 1 excuses. But the fact remains. You can’t support yourself, heck; you can’t even afford your own counsel. The question now is, what are you going to do about it? Even if you can’t change the past, you can change the future, you can change YOU & break this vicious cycle that you say you hate so much.
Someone once said “Nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy”. Believe it.
You messed up, start fixing it. It might seem rude or even mean, but Lady you need a wake up call. Not that I think words on a computer screen are going to help you..but ahhh...what the heck.
KAT

lynnharp · Feb 22, 2003

0

kat1963 said:
Forgive me but, you are 30 years old, moved back in with your drunken Mums…why? I was 30 when I split with my ex, I rented a townhouse (obviously couldn’t buy anything until the divorce was over).

Actually I do have an education. I went to college and all. Wooo. Does that mean something. I am a bookkeeper. Not just a person that can print a check, somebody that can run an entire company besides the dumb taxes the CPA files. I usually make $30,000+ a year. I had my son Nov. 8th, 2001. I developed Thyroiditis and Fibromyalgia after the birth so I took some time off. Is that OK with you.

My mother has both my kids. My ex had our son when I originally moved out after breaking it off with him. I moved out in the end of September and in with my mother and October 28th, 2002 I went to jail. The monday after my daughter told me things about her grandma (Friday night). So 3 days after she tells me (we spent the entire weekend at my ex's house) I go to jail and lose custody. That would have been the third charge for my mother. One was my sister's son over 10 years ago and then my daughter, which both were ruled out and my daughter renigged on what she said anyway. Do you think there is motive here.

My daughter has been in play therapy since she was assaulted by an unknown perpetrator (probably my mom) back in Nov. of 2000. You can't believe everything she says. Obviously nobody believes her at all or CPS would have listened to her.

Yes, I make bad choices. Since when did it become the child's fault when they were raised by somebody screwed up. I have been fighting for over 10 years now to change things within me and to try and survive. I ran away with my boyfriend when I was 14 years old which turned into a kidnapping after I found out he was very abusive. The doctor's called it "severe animalistic abuse". They considered me a tortured victum. His family was mofia and all kinds of nice other things that made it such a pleasant journey.

I was listed as a missing person up until I was 17 years old in which somebody saw me on a post office wall and recognized me. They immediately called the missing person's # and the police came and saved the day. Another solved case.

I have been fighting my butt off since then to 1.) keep my sanity 2.) feel like I am normal and can fit back into society and 3.) do this while living with an alcoholic.

I got home when I was 17 got my GED and was in college by 18 and graduated by 20. So yeah, I'd say I am pretty smart. And definately a survivor. I haven't been with a man since that abuses woman and I never will (I buried them out back -- Just kidding). Anyway, yes my self-confidence, etc. is way down. Especially right now. But I do NOT play the victim role. I'm afraid you have misunderstood me somehow.

Thanks for sharing.

Becky

hmmbrdzz · Feb 23, 2003

lynnharp said:
0

kat1963 said:

Forgive me but, you are 30 years old, moved back in with your drunken Mums…why? I was 30 when I split with my ex, I rented a townhouse (obviously couldn’t buy anything until the divorce was over).

Actually I do have an education. I went to college and all. Wooo. Does that mean something. I am a bookkeeper. Not just a person that can print a check, somebody that can run an entire company besides the dumb taxes the CPA files. I usually make $30,000+ a year. I had my son Nov. 8th, 2001. I developed Thyroiditis and Fibromyalgia after the birth so I took some time off. Is that OK with you.

My mother has both my kids. My ex had our son when I originally moved out after breaking it off with him. I moved out in the end of September and in with my mother and October 28th, 2002 I went to jail. The monday after my daughter told me things about her grandma (Friday night). So 3 days after she tells me (we spent the entire weekend at my ex's house) I go to jail and lose custody. That would have been the third charge for my mother. One was my sister's son over 10 years ago and then my daughter, which both were ruled out and my daughter renigged on what she said anyway. Do you think there is motive here.

My daughter has been in play therapy since she was assaulted by an unknown perpetrator (probably my mom) back in Nov. of 2000. You can't believe everything she says. Obviously nobody believes her at all or CPS would have listened to her.

Yes, I make bad choices. Since when did it become the child's fault when they were raised by somebody screwed up. I have been fighting for over 10 years now to change things within me and to try and survive. I ran away with my boyfriend when I was 14 years old which turned into a kidnapping after I found out he was very abusive. The doctor's called it "severe animalistic abuse". They considered me a tortured victum. His family was mofia and all kinds of nice other things that made it such a pleasant journey.

I was listed as a missing person up until I was 17 years old in which somebody saw me on a post office wall and recognized me. They immediately called the missing person's # and the police came and saved the day. Another solved case.

I have been fighting my butt off since then to 1.) keep my sanity 2.) feel like I am normal and can fit back into society and 3.) do this while living with an alcoholic.

I got home when I was 17 got my GED and was in college by 18 and graduated by 20. So yeah, I'd say I am pretty smart. And definately a survivor. I haven't been with a man since that abuses woman and I never will (I buried them out back -- Just kidding). Anyway, yes my self-confidence, etc. is way down. Especially right now. But I do NOT play the victim role. I'm afraid you have misunderstood me somehow.

Thanks for sharing.

Becky

Click to expand...

My response: Good for you! I knew something was significant about your entire life when I read your first few posts. I can guarantee you one thing -- you've a lot more on the ball than some (and it shows). Hang in there.

hmmbrdzz

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