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Period of discovery/ 1 yr enullment

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M

Merrie

Guest
south carolina
I am unfortunately going through a divorce though it is the last thing I've ever wanted. My husband and I are fairly young.. both 27. We've known each other since high school which is when we began dating. We had our ups and downs. We broke up twice. Then I was made some promises backed up with a proposal after about seven years and I was thrilled. I've always had a low self esteem and been overly sensitive. Even his treating me good wasn't what I deserved... though there was no abuse... at least not physical. We got married and have been married a little over 2 and a half years. We separated on july 23 after I over dosed on pills. I tried to end my life. My husband, mike, had been for several months, not been himself as if he wasn't already hard enough sometimes. He started staying out late, not being accountable for time, not telling me what was going on. It went on like that for awhile. i'd wake up and notice his car gone in the wee hours of the morning. naturally I suspected an affair. well, i tried to speak with him about it time after time and it only seemed to make things worse. he would be outraged and i even questioned him several times whether or not he was having an affair. he always responded very reassuringly that he was not. i just didn't know what to think. he did tell me that he was, I guess going through something... depressed. but he wouldn't let me in. I have suffered from the illness deppression for several years and it only seemed to get worse and worse. i hit rock bottom. i worried all night about what was going on when he wasn't home and then i'd have to get up to go to work and barely could make it through the day. i thought about ending my life many times but i always thought it was just a thought and that i was too chicken to even try but one morning i got up and just couldn't bear to go on another day. before that day i had already told my husband that i would be moving back home with my parents until he figured some things out. i just never could bring myself to leave. somehow you would have thought that what i did would have changed his mind about things but he was very apparently mad at me. i was hospitalized for a few days and had to promise the doctors that i wouldn't go back home with him. i was then put in a partial hospitalization program and put on medical leave from work for about a month. I went through a lot of therapy and was put on alot of different drugs to figure out what helped my particular needs. i still take a lot of them but i'm pretty stable mentally. the thing is that this whole divorce issue just doesn't make it easier on me. well, back to when i was at the partial hospitalization program is when people began to notice a car at our apartment. my dad wrote down the tag #. after a visit with my therapist I realized that i had every legal right to go to the apartment so one day I went with my camera. I found many things that appeared unusual as if someone else had been there a lot and then I came across a little love note on the kitchen table. i then knew who he was having an affair with. I was finally glad to know but yet infuriated. once we found that out, we decided to seek council. my father was advised of a reputable attorney in our town, bunt wilson. we made arrangements to see him and did so. he said knowing what we knew he thought it be best if we hire a private investigator. so we did that. i got more out of my pictures that the p.i. did. we had our 1st court date on dec. 10, 2002. i was told my husband wasn't contesting the adultery. i'm not knowledgeable when it comes to family law. the judge ruled that day that until further notified that my husband would have to make my car payment and two payments of $250 towards my attorneys cost. So, I kind of thought that was it. I was told the next date would be sometime probably in February and I presumed that would sum it up.. we'd be divorced. well since then, i've heard little from my attorney. my husband was very cold to me for a long time and then i went to talk to him and suddenly things became better between us and we've been able to talk about things. we still see things differently but we're trying to be civil and pleasant and I do believe we both want what's best for the other although we're both looking out for ourself. my husband is a very selfish person so if i did do something that showed i was after more than i've said, than i know he would be very upset. you see, mike works at walmart, he's one of the managers but still doesn't make all that much. he did get himself a roomate that only comes home on the weekends (because he works construction). so his roomate pays half the rent but not much more than that. mike having to make my car payment really hurts his finances especially when he has to drive a clunker of a vehicle. i feel really bad for him in that respect. i do think he's got to learn from his mistakes but i hurt to see him hurt. we've recently talked and neither of us know what's going on with our court case. i can't get my lawyer to return my calls. and i just don't understand what this period of this discovery is all about. from what mike tells me this is the time that the lawyers are supposed to be getting together witnesses and figuring out the strategy. is that correct? from what i can tell they haven't been doing anything. why are they sitting on this? how long does this usually take? is this normal? You see I'm not only stressed over this situation but I'm also adamantly searching for a job (as when i returned to my old job, i still needed a little more time and they wouldn't hold my position any longer). what do i do if i get a job and then all of this court stuff starts up.. that's not going to make my new employer very happy. so do you have any suggestions? also, mike mentioned to me that what he would like... but i think my family would freak out if i allowed this.. is that we just stop the court proceedings and wait til the year is up and have the marriage enulled. i didn't know that you could do that but apparently he heard about this. see he's worried about the costs.. he's barely making ends meet now and then to have to pay his attny by the hour for this period of discovery which he was told is when it all starts to add up quickly. i really don't have the money since i'm unemployed (which I only have two unemployment checks left to get), but I do have my family which have stood by me and do their best to help me. They went and got a loan out for my retainers fee. so i am blessed to have them but i am concerned about the future costs and i am concerned about mike's future costs since he just simply doesn't have it. please give me some unbiast advice! I would greatly appreciate it. I do apologize for not being BRIEF as requested. It's just such a complicated issue.. probably as most of inquiries are? thank you for your time. I look forward to a response. sinc- Merrie :confused:
 



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