If you transfer assets to your daughter's name or grandchildren's name, then it is a gift.
Gift and estate taxes are taxed by the federal government under the same unified estate and gift tax system. Every person can either use his or her estate and gift tax credit while alive or at death to transfer assets tax free up to the credit amount. In 2000 the credit amount is $675,000 per person. So, you can gift $675,000 away without paying a gift tax. However, you must file a gift tax return and you will have eroded your entire credit. If you make no gifts while alive, then when you die your full credit amount is preserved and the first $675,000 will pass tax free to your heirs. (the credit is going up to $1,000,000 in 2006)
Also, concerning Generation Skipping Transfers (gifts to grandchildren) there is a generation skipping transfer tax which is 55% additional tax. However, there is a $1,010,000 deduction so the first $1,010,000 transferred to grandchildren is exempt from this tax.
I do not know what hubby means by 40% going to FL if you die having transferred assets to your children and grandchildren. I do not think this is accurate.
You should consult with an estate attorney down in FL who can examine your situation in its entirety.
Good luck.