drug arrest

i live in CT. My husband was arrested on drug charges. Possession of narcotic, possession of narcotic with intent, possession within 1500 feet of school, possession of controlled substance. they searched the house but really only his dresser and mine and in the attic. they asked who did the cars belong to, i said both of our names, they asked to look in my car, i said yes, i didn't know anything about what was going on. i had no idea my husband was doing anything. when i got home, they were inside. they told me they had a search warrant but they didn't show it until they left. kept asking me for financial info., if there was any money in the house, i had $200 in my jewerly box from a income tax check, they left there. cops said they had been watching him for a few months. they wanted him to continue to buy, they told him they knew he wasn't the big guy, they wanted to know who he dealt with, they wanted him to work for them. they asked about safe deposit box key on his key chain, he said it was his and his sisters. asked if they could look in it, he was scared and wanted to leave so he said yes to anything. they didn't read him his rights until they had had him for 3-4 hours. he got out on a $25, 000 bond. my husband said that they pulled him over, put guns in his face and told him to get out, handcuffed him and put him in a van, and drove him down town, when he asked what he was arrested for, they told him he would find out. They drove his car home and parked it. they gave him back his keys to his car, but not his other keys, they returned his cell phone and beeper, they also didnot trash his car when they searched, in fact they missed a couple blunts my husband had in there, that he threw away the next day. the next day, he contacted a lawyer. the lawyer told my husband that he could go to the safe deposit box and get out what ever was in there, he could not be re-arrested. he did. he had a little money and his sister had some papers in there. (we had to burrow the money for a lawyer). the cops went to his job looking for him and made a statement "we know he is out of jail, where is he" they called his cell phone and left a harrassing message on it telling him they were going to get him. we do not live an extravagant live style, we have bills, credit card bills, etc. husband admitted to me he is abusing. he was smoking over $200 worth of marijuana a week, so he started to deal to support his habit. the cops had originally told him they would keep it out of the paper, but when he went to the safe deposit box, they put it in the paper 3 days later, and there was about 8 different charges but on all his papers, he is only charged with 4, maybe they thought he had a lot of money, but we dont', i wish we did, the cops even said in the article that he was a low key drug dealer, hard working family man, family didn't even know about what he was doing, etc. they told me that everyone they spoke to about him, only had the nicest things to say about him. they also told me that people make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. i am just really sick over this. i had no idea. he is now seeking treatment, too bad it took this for him to realize what he was doing, but then again, i gues you don't think straight when you are under. the only time he wasn't high was the 8 hours he was at work. he wanted to go in patient, but they don't do that for marijuanna abuse, i dont' know why, it screwed up his life just as if he were doing other drugs. is there any type of accelerated rehabilitation program for first time offenders? he has no record, has never been arrested, has been employed for 23 years at his job, they found an eightball (?) of coke, 14 pills of oxycontin and about an 1/8 of marijuanna. any advice, suggestions, help anything would be greatly appreciated as I am sick over this and my husband is too. Yes, I know it is his fault, he knows he did wrong, but just wondering what, if any, choices/chances is out there. we have to wait until we go to court to hear what they have, but i am just trying to find out everything i can. i would like to be as informed as i possibly can. like to know anything or if there are sites on the internet that i can look into for information. yes, he has a lawyer, and he has asked questions, but he is not my lawyer, he is my husbands, and he seems to be good, but i just would like to know any and all i can.

It is VERY uncommon for anyone to deal anything other than weed to support a weed "habit"...I do not think your husband was selling OxyContin and cocaine simply to pay for his weed. Now, if he was using the OxyContin and/or the coke, that would definitely be an inpatient situation, so something rings strange about your story. I do not believe that you are lieing in any way, just misinformed by your husband, maybe. Now, your husband was doing ALL THIS without your knowledge, so you can never really know if he is flying straight from now on no matter what. I did notice you threw out the term "blunt" fairly casually...do you smoke, and therefore maybe know about the weed but are shocked about the other? Don't answer here, just realize what I'm saying to you. It's hard for him to deal without you knowing at all, and I'm not accusing or judging...I don't care what consenting adults do, as long as they realize to play sometimes means to pay.

Since he was popped, has he either:

1) had flu-like symptoms, diarrhea, malaise, sweating, loss of sleep, aches/pains, maybe vomiting;

OR

2) slept for MANY hours and woke up to eat a lot of food, and had a big loss of energy, been depressed?

why do you ask the questions about how he is feeling since he was arrested? Is it because these are withdrawl symptoms from smoking? because, yes he has had some of the symptoms, which his therapists says is completely normal and expected.


I only use the terms that I have heard everyone use all the time, hence the "blunt". No, I do not use, I did a long time ago, but haven't in years. I try to keep up on terms due to the fact that I have a son and I would like to know if he is doing it, but since I didn't realize my husband was as bad, I guess I wouldn't if he was.

and to answer your question, no I did not know he was dealing. People can live double lifes all the time. Also, maybe I knew something, but as when your spouse cheats on you, you subconsciously don't want to know, so you bury it. Yes I knew he was smoking, just not as much as he was using. And yes, some people do deal other things once in a while to support a weed habit, especially if it is in excess of $200 a week, which is what he was doing. He told me he was smoking on average 3-4 blunts a day on the weekend, maybe more. He has since started an out patient treatment and years ago, he had a bad drinking and coke problem, and the people there told him, all he did was replace one drug with the other, which is what many abusers do. They also said that the more you smoke, the more you end up having to smoke to get the same high.

WE have no money, I was with him when he went to the safe deposit box, there were papers that his sister had and a few thousand. We still had to burrow money to pay a lawyer.

Yes, my husband is being honest with me now, I wold like to think and yes it will take time to believe and truly know. But I am sticking by him, for now. I have learned more things involved with all of these. We are in joint counseling and he doesn't want me to leave, so he is being honest, which is the only way he can do this, the counselor told us. Also, yes I am very angry, disappointed but I also have to remember that a substance abuse, no matter what the substance, is a disease, which is what he has. He has an addictive tendecies. He knows he can't do anything anymore.

What I really want to know is if anyone, who knows the law, has any advice on what I can do?

You said: why do you ask the questions about how he is feeling since he was arrested? Is it because these are withdrawl symptoms from smoking? because, yes he has had some of the symptoms, which his therapists says is completely normal and expected.

I say: Nope, I asked because those are the symptoms of withdrawal from either opioids or cocaine, and for that he can go in-patient if that can be beneficial to him.
____________________________________________________

You said: and to answer your question, no I did not know he was dealing. People can live double lifes all the time.

I say: EXACTLY
____________________________________________________

You said: and to answer your question, no I did not know he was dealing. People can live double lifes all the time Also, maybe I knew something,

I say: Which is it?
____________________________________________________

You said: but as when your spouse cheats on you, you subconsciously don't want to know, so you bury it.

I say: Again, EXACTLY
____________________________________________________

You said: And yes, some people do deal other things once in a while to support a weed habit

I said: it was very uncommon, not impossible
____________________________________________________

And finally, you said: but i just would like to know any and all i can.


Then, you get all bent outta shape when I post a reply. You didn't ask any specific legal questions that I could see, and evidently anyone could see, either. You told a long, rambling story, and I assume you want some sort of, well, I don't know what you want. I am telling you that from my point of view it may behoove you to make sure that you get all the facts strait, period. No malice, no meanness. If the facts are strait, fine, but how do you know when you just jump up to your husband's blind defense when all I was doing was giving you what you asked for, which was, and I directly quote you one last time: "but i just would like to know any and all i can."

So, next time you post a big, convoluted and rambling post, I can assure you I won't reply to it. In fact, I won't reply to any post from you. Granted, I am no lawyer, but I did take the time to answer you, which, I can see now, was a mistake.

You should have seen the note I started here last night, and then (when almost finished with it), I heard "good bye", and lost connection! (It's probably best I did.)

But I will add this while I'm here: To the wife -- your husband is a hard core drug addict and a dealer, and you are his dream come true. If you want to know "any and all you can", here's my advice: leave him.


hmmbrdzz

accelerated rehabilitation

Click to expand...

As the former wife of an addict let me say there is no such thing as "accelerated rehabilitation" in fact most addicts enter treatment a minimum of 4 times before they achieve any extended sobreity.

Also, if he was dealing, he's probably using more than marajuana. Weed is relatively cheap and doesn't require that much in the way of pariphenalia.

Also, my advice to you is this. Get thee to a co-dependent anon group and get yourself well.

Your hubby is (because of his substance abuse, not necessarily his character) untrustworthy.

Don't believe anything he tells you because as a substance abuser, he is a user of people and can tell you every story you want to hear to make you sympathetic to his "plight." Also be aware that what you may perceive as "being truthful" could be completely deceptive. Addicts are master manipulators and it is nothing for them to know exactly what to say to anyone counselors included to convince belief that they are trying to reform.

Many a counselor has been duped and deceived by an addicts manipulation even experienced LCDC's are fooled. I'd say if you want to stay with him do, but don't for even a split second believe anything he tells you ever.

I'm telling you this because everything you have is subject to what is called "forfeiture" because it could be perceived as having been obtained with the proceeds from drug sales so unfortunately you stand to lose everything.

You need to seek the assistance of a group for women like you. Those of us who have almost had our lives destroyed by someone we loved.

Find your local Narcotics Anon. group and ask them if they have a group for family and spouses of addicts and then go.

Like they tell you in AA when you are trying to get sober, do 90 meetings in 90 days, you need recovery just as much as he does.

Hope all goes well. But please heed my advice. Fear of jail doesn't guarantee a rational response by an addict because by nature of their disease they give irrational responses.

maultimom shouldn't you be worrying about your son's drug habbits first.

You know, all I did was post what happened to my husband, and me because of it. Just looking if anyway with any legal know how, knew what could possibly happen being it is his first arrest. Yes, what he did is stupid, dumb, you name it, it was it. No, I do not trust him, now. Yes I am getting help in dealing with my feelings. But, everyone and every situation is different. No, I am not happy with him, but he has a disease. He is actively seeking help for this problem and is also recieving counseling and we are doing counseling together. I don't know what will happen when all is said is done. I have seen people overcome their addiction, without the threat of jail. But, never did I say that my son had a drug problem. What I meant, was I just wanted to be aware of what the slang was for drugs these days, so that if I ever heard my son and/or his friends talking about it, I would know. So, unless people have something to say without be sarcastice or mean, please don't responsd, I am already dealing with enough crap that I don't want to come on line and see bull written or said. Every case, every person and every situaiton is different. Please don't judge, to qoute a famous man, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone".

multimom, thank you for your advice. You were the only one who had anything to say that is worth anything. I am receiving help, and I don't know what will happend. I would like to think that with time, counseling and what ever else will help, that we can get through this, I honestly don't know. I just think that I have to try first instead of throwing it all away. Because I believe we live in a throw away society.

I apologize if you thought my comment was directed to you, it was not. Maultimom seems to have difficulty accepting the facts for a problem she has posted previously.

There are many resources available to research drugs, check out street-drugs.com for a pretty good overview (unfortunately the street names are a bit outdated). If you would like additional help let me know.

I would recommend that you just surprise your son with a drug test if you really want to know if he is using. Be aware that there are drinks you can buy that flush out your system or mask the appearance of certain chemicals in urine.

You said:
"multimom, thank you for your advice. You were the only one who had anything to say that is worth anything."

Why don't you simply say what you mean? That you want no advice if it isn't what you want to hear? Believe it or not, I didn't reply to you to be "mean", judgemental, insensitive, or anything else. I really don't care if I make you mad or not. Maybe, just maybe, it may lead you to some introspection, and that may assist you in some way. For someone who asked, and I quote, "to be as informed as i possibly can", and that " just would like to know any and all i can", you sure are picky about any suggestions that don't seem to fit the style that you want. Really, it matters not to me, I really don't care if I please you or not, believe it or not, I was trying to help you. But, if anything I say to you is simply wasted, then there isn't much sense in answering you. If you wanted feel good remarks, and those were the only ones you were going to pay the least bit of attention to, then you should have said that and I wouldn't have wasted any time trying to assist you. It won't happen again.

if you noticed, I did not answer your last reply, as I don't want to hear from you. You said you wouldn't reply to me again, but yet you did. I looked at a few of this messages from other people, and if you seem to just answer people back with what is your opinion, as you say you aren't not a lawyer. So, please, do not reply to this message or any other message I should put on here as you seem to have nothing better to do with your life then state your opinion, mean, kind or anything. I hope you or yours are never in any kind of trouble and you just want to post a message, if for nothing else then to blow off stem. please don't respond, as you said you wouldn't before, but please, don't this time. this is not what this is for.

thank you, I will go to that web site. And I accept your apology, I didn't realize you were speaking to someone else. But, I don't think my son is doing drugs. If I seemed to implied that, I didn't mean it. I have a good relationship with him and we talk all the time. He is really into sports, by that I mean football, basketball, track and baseball, he is always busy and I know all the friends that he hangs around with or where he is at any given time. So, right now, I don't have to worry, and I am not saying it can never happen, as you should never say never, but right now, he has his head on straight, working hard in school to maintain grades so that he can play school sports. But it never hurts to know. I am hoping that after what happened with his fathter, he would have learned. I can only pray. But, once again thanks for the info on the web site.

"oh please don't respond -- you said you wouldn't last time, but you did, and please just don't this time -- this is not what this is for".

Oh just crap on that. You're the one who came here for advice. Maybe you can get together with mulitmom, and you two can have a prayer session about your problems, and while you're praying -- you two can pray for those who gave you advice from this site, as you apparently feel, regardless of your feeble attempt to take it back, that there is something inherently vicious about those who do have good intentions here (perhaps not what you want to hear, but since you appear to be someone who has made such good lifetime judgments and decisions, why should YOU consider anyone else's opinion, right?) Yeah right.
I guess one can label you, the "dream weaver" as one who has a disease. Screw the definition of alcoholism and addiction and enablers as someone afflicted with a "disease". "It's a disease". Oh really? No it's not. You and your husband both are merely wallowing within your own conscious choices to be a bunch of dishonest, law-breaking or unconscious people. Get a grip.


hmmbrdzz

schoocer

My apologies, I honestly forgot that I had posted that earlier...my mistake, I admit it. So, I take this last post to correct my error. I forgot that you were the crybaby that wahhhwahhhed earlier, but I should have remembered, Ms. Enabler. I should have remembered "schoocher" being the one who wanted to whine about her dopeheaded husband who packs dope around schoolkids. The cops should have thrown your husband in jail for about 50 years, with his "disease"....he has a disease all right. He's a sociopath with a spouse gullible enough to listen to everything he says and stupid anough to worry about what is going to happen to him instead of worrying about who all he's selling dope to. Disease!!??? You yourself swear it's "only pot", which is non-addictive in the pure sense, at least not enough to drive him to doing horrible things to procure it....yet, he sells hard core narcotics to a bunch of dopeheads, and THAT is what you are exposing your son to. He doesn't do it because he has a disease, and it's sickening that you compare your dope pushing spouse to someone who has a disorder that they cannot help. And yes, I am counting TRUE substance abusers and addicts in that!! You know why there is no in-patient program for pot users? Because THAT can be helped, lady! You smoke pot because you want to, not need to. You two are great for each other. Maybe one day someone who has a child who attends a school where your husband brings narcotics around will catch your husband doing God only knows what he does around kids, and make sure that he goes up for the rest of his natural life, this "nice guy who everybody speaks so highly of". Truth be known, all this going on around your son, you better HOPE he doesn't get in trouble!! If he does, it won't be his fault, it'll be yours and your husband's, but what good will that do him? Not a bit of good at all. You and your husband are setting a great example, aren't you? Maybe the next bust, (and there will be another, because your husband knows he can do what he wants when he wants to) YOU will get picked up in the dragnet and see the inside of a cell yourself. You see lady, you act like people don't have a right to voice an opinion, like you ask what you want to here on this forum and someone dare say anything to you the least bit unpleasant, but the fact is your husband is a dope dealer, and I GUARANTEE you he will sell it to anyone with money, kid or not. And, save the defensiveness, cuz I can hear you now, "My husband only sells to....".. That's a CROCK!! So, he introduces this stuff into the society that I live in, and that gives me a right if not a responsibility to tell you whatever I want to. So, the next go round, I hope you do about 5 to 7 yourself. Oh, and I hope your husband's sentences run consecutively.

All right, now how's that? THAT'S judgemental, and "hard", "mean", or whatever else you want to call it, but arguably true. And, I can assure you, that was very light, believe me...it could get MUCH harder than that. So you see, when you get mixed up in this sort of thing, well, you better get ready for that and much more. Did it EVER occur to you that people that respond to you in a way that isn't all sweet and nice may NOT be trying to be mean? That they may be simply trying to explain something to you in a manner that will make a point? When you break society's laws, you really have no right to expect anything but hostility, but you get mad when you get something not even approaching real hostility. You say you want "legal answers", yet you can't thank multimom enough for her replies simply because they are delivered "sweetly". And, I am not saying anything bad at all about multimom's post here, in fact quite the contrary...she did reply, and that's all you can ask of someone. But, you should appreciate it for the reason you state you did, because it's helpful, when in reality you like it because it doesn't make you confront that your husband DID WRONG!

And finally, I was serious when I said that I didn't connect the earlier post, or I would not have replied, the fact that I am free to do so notwithstanding. What I will do right now will make you extremely happy, I can assure you. I will put you on my "Ignore list". You won't have any company there, but you will love it I am quite sure. That way, I will not forget again and accidentally post an answer o you a couple months from now when your husband gets busted again and you are looking for more sympathy here. Oh, and I forgot...that all on top of what hmmbrdzz said so well!!

Maultimom has found her soul mate....