help me please

What is the name of your state? illinois

i am looking for any one that has been through something similar to myself. my husband and i decided to divorce in july of 2002, and both moved in with our parent(s), we have 2 children, one biologically his and mine and one that is mine but he adopted. we had agreed on everything being nice and smooth. i went out of town and returned to find that he had filed and was also filing for full custody. i am currently on dissability due to depression that i am under care for. my husband is now claiming that i may be a threat to our children since in the past (before we ever seperated) i was a threat to myself. he also claims i drink alot which i have stopped doing since we seperated. i have of lately made a good friend in another state and have visited him twice while the children were with my ex (we are ordered to share them in 7 day intervals). at my mothers i have a full apartment with all seperate appliances, utilities, etc. and he lives in a room in his parents house. now i have to be deposed by his lawyer and provide all documents related to me going on my 2 trips which i see is no business of theirs in the least. i am soo tired and stressed because every time i turn around he and his lawyer are coming up with something new. my own lawyer fees have totalled over $3500 and i have never been to court. my eldest daughter is 10 and a straight A student and highly developed for her age and does not want to live with her adopted father. he is never home with them and they are in the care of his parents (who on a regular basis speak bad of me) most of the time they are there. i feel completely lost and alone. should my lawyer be doing more for me, is my private life when my children are not around open for the public?? is it illegal for me to date since we are seperated and have been since july?? ughhh someone please tell me they have been through this or know what else i need to be doing. i applogize for the length of this but i tried to fit in most of the basics.
thank you.

The courts always look at "the best interest of the children". This isnt necessarily only the physical residence but the emotional well being and the ability of the parent to care for the needs of the children. Consider in your heart what is best for your children. The adopted child is just as much your husbands as if she were his biological child, once she was adopted. He has the same rights and responsibilities to her as he does his biological child. At 10 years old it is unlikely the courts will take her wishes into consideration, although some do to a degree. Often parents in divorce, are more interested in "possession" and less concerned about what is really best for their children. This is not legal advice..only life advice.

thank you maggie, i do appreciate your posting back to me. i have been feeling lonely through this all and it is nice that you responded, thanks again.

as far as the children go i am a great mom(don't mean to brag), my children are very happy and healthy and i am doing great with my dissability. the thing that worries me the most is that if they give him full custody it would crush my girls. they both beg to come back to me the entire time they are with him and it makes me feel sooo very bad. as a mother it is horrible to see your children unhappy and it breaks my heart everytime they leave and cry. i was just hoping someone has been through a similar situation that i could talk to. also no one answered wether or not it is legal to date when you are seperated and goin through a divorce, or if there is more i should be doing??

thank you