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Getting daughter back

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ARICASPLACE

Guest
What is the name of your state? hawaii
I am wondering if it is possible to go to court and get my daughter back. She is 11 years old now and was adopted at birth. I married her father 8 years after her adoption and we have three sons. My husband feels that he was coerced into signing the papers to relinquish his parental rights. I know it's been a long time but this has been eating away at me for years and I have held it in for too long. I am not so lacking in intelligence or sensitivity to know that this would be traumatic for our daughter and for her adoptive parents. My question is simply if this is possible. ??
 


H

HomeGuru

Senior Member
ARICASPLACE said:
What is the name of your state? hawaii
I am wondering if it is possible to go to court and get my daughter back. She is 11 years old now and was adopted at birth. I married her father 8 years after her adoption and we have three sons. My husband feels that he was coerced into signing the papers to relinquish his parental rights.

**A: were your parental rights terminated as well? If so, there is no court to go back to since your case is closed.
****************

I know it's been a long time but this has been eating away at me for years and I have held it in for too long. I am not so lacking in intelligence or sensitivity to know that this would be traumatic for our daughter and for her adoptive parents. My question is simply if this is possible. ??

**A: it is possible only if the adoptive parents agree to terminate their rights and give the child up for adoption to you and your husband (birth parents).
And the chances of that happening may be greater than winning a lottery in Hawaii where gambling is illegal.
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N

nextwife

Senior Member
Perhaps it might be easier for you to deal with your sense of loss if you tried contacting the family (through correct legal channels) and see if some form of biofamily contact could be initiated? That way, you boys could know their biosib and the child would be able to know who her biofamily is. Her mom and dad might be open to it. Remember, these people ARE mom and Dad to this child, just as you are mom and dad to your boys.

And perhaps counseling would help you and your husband sort through your feelings.

However, a child should not (and cannot) be disrupted from their forever family because you eventually married and now feel more financially and emotionally secure. I am happy for you that things did work out eventually, but that is immaterial at this point. Your husband stating now "They made me do it" is not sufficient legal cause.
 
K

kam2051

Guest
However, a child should not (and cannot) be disrupted from their forever family because you eventually married and now feel more financially and emotionally secure. I am happy for you that things did work out eventually, but that is immaterial at this point. Your husband stating now "They made me do it" is not sufficient legal cause.
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Absolutely agree. After 8 years, are you truly thinking of what is best for the child?

I also think, once the Parental Rights are terminated, there's not much else you can do.
 
D

djohnson

Senior Member
I agree and also keep in mind that her parents may not have told her that she was adopted. These are issues that they deal with and make those choices on. I think by opening up this can of worms may only cause more heartache for this child just to ease your feelings. It's been a long time, think of her.
 
K

kam2051

Guest
When the child is 18, depending on where you live, you can contact the agency or entity that did the adoption - they are required to make reasonable efforts to contact the adoptee and let her know that you want contact with her. She can decide to ignore the request, or simply ask for medical information, but you do have that option once she is an adult.
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
'keep in mind that her parents may not have told her that she was adopted"

That's why I suggested that contact must be to the parents through legal channels. Only her parents know her well enough to determine whether biofamily contact is something she is ready for.

Additionally, I sure hope that most adoptive parents are enlightened enough to know that the fact of adoption should not be hidden from a child, then sprung on them later. It implies that there is something wrong about it that must be hushed up. IF a child always knows they are adopted, they take it matter of factly. I cannot imagine why a parent would not want their child to always be comfortable with the way they came to be a family.
 
A

ARICASPLACE

Guest
thanks for advice

Thank you for all for your replies and advice. I think I knew all that was said to me, I just needed to hear it from someone other than myself! I will contact the attorney that handled the adoption as a go-between so that I can request of her parents either contact now or in the future if they feel this would work for them and their daughter. Again, thank you, everyone, for your words of wisdom. It was both needed and appreciated and I have taken everything to heart and mind.
Sincerely,
Arica
 
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