Reversing adoption under duress, help please!!

Florida - Broward County

I grew up in foster care since the age of about 3 and have no family to turn to for help. When I became pregnant at the age of 19 the bio father bailed out on me. I struggled and finally had enough of it all. I was also in an physically and emotionally abusive relationship. The only way I thought to get out was to give my daughter up for adoption. I signed the papers April 11th, 2003. My daughter, Alaye', was sent with them on April 13th, 2003. I was naturally depressed for a while. The family promised to keep in touch, let me see her and speak to her but that was all lies. The Florida law allows 3 days for revoktion. About 3 weeks to the day I finally got in touch with my bio sister in California. She is a social worker and said she can help me if I wanted to. She wrote a letter that I certified mailed to the lawer. She will help me get a lawyer to file to get her back under the duress law. I didn't really know what that was. I only saw it as a way out of my situation. But, to be truthful I am not making the money to pay bills, daycare, utilities, food, cloths and everyday expenses. I need some help with this. I don't know where to start. The lawyer is required to send me any further court hearings but he hasn't. He doesn't even take my calls anymore. I am pretty desperate to hurry up with this. I have the chance to start over with the help of my sister but I feel my time is running out. Any help is greatly appreciated!

What was the duress? Who forced you to give up the child? Just trying to sort things out.

You said you are unable to even provide for yourself?

Don't you think that a person who assumes the responsibility for raising and parenting a child should first be able to take care of themself? Doesn't your child deserve more out of life? Is this child better served by having a mom that cannot live on thier own (first boyfriend, now sister?) or parents that do not fall apart if someone else is not taking care of them? Honest, think long and hard about HOW YOU (you and not someone else you again depend upon) are able, at this point, to properly provide for a child? Are you thinking about yourself and how unhappy you are or are you thinking about the true best interests of this child? You grew up in foster care- don't you want this child to have a stable home and intact family of their own? To have what you were not able to have? Some day you may be ready to offer that to a child. You yourself state that that is not yet your situation at this point in your life.

Today I can provide nicely for my child, whereas, at age 19 the life I was capable of offering her would have cheated her of so much!

Waiting until capable before parenting is a selfless choice.

First of all, you sound as if you have a harsh tone towards me. Let me start by telling you that I didn't post to be critizied by anyone. When you are in someone else's shoes then you judge. To shed some light on a few things.. I never said that I was incapable of taking care of myself. I have been with this man for the past four years. You can't just tell a man to stop hitting you one day and expect him to stop! I was in an abusive relationship, doing everything on my own for myself and I was okay. He was not abusive to my daughter, just me. When he allowed her to see us fighting that was the end of us. I began planning on getting on my own. It is kind of hard when I have to pay everysingle bill in house, only make about 19,000 a year, have him steal whatever money I do have and still save to get another place. You assume that because I elected to give my daughter that I am incapable of caring for myself and have to be strung out. Well, that is not the case here! This was the only way that I saw I could get out. I have tried to leave him before and he just came and drug my little butt back. He, to this day thinks that my aunt has my daughter. And, I am planning to leave to my sisters to get a change of scenery. Everywhere else he knows where to find me. To also enlighten you, I do work and go to school. Doesn't this count towards trying to better myself to offer my child a more stable future??? Yes, I had a child before I was ready but that doesn't mean that I don't love her or want the best for her! The last thing I would ever do is put my child, let alone any child, in foster care. Remember I was there. All I am looking for is advice. I am not looking to be judged. If you can offer me some guidance please do so. Until then don't judge until you are on my side of the fence.

If the adoption was completed without the consent of the biological father, I think HE has the right to ASK for the adoption to be revoked.

Since Florida law allows YOU 3 days to rescind your approval of the adoption, YOU may be out of luck.

Don't waste your time answering the posters who criticize. They're like old preachers - they know it all.

under the stress, financially and emotionally, and the abusive relationship would that not be considered duress? I was only trying to protect my daughter. There is really no way of knowing how long I will be in the situation. My sister is a social worker in Fresno and she has seen these overturned all the time......

Alaye' said:

under the stress, financially and emotionally, and the abusive relationship would that not be considered duress? I was only trying to protect my daughter. There is really no way of knowing how long I will be in the situation. My sister is a social worker in Fresno and she has seen these overturned all the time......

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**A: duress would be someone holding a gun to your head and making you sign your parental rights away. I suggest talking to a family law attorney in Florida rather than listening to your social worker sister in CA.

Alaye' said:

under the stress, financially and emotionally, and the abusive relationship would that not be considered duress? I was only trying to protect my daughter. There is really no way of knowing how long I will be in the situation. My sister is a social worker in Fresno and she has seen these overturned all the time......

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Not necessarily. The court will likely be putting the well-being of the child at the forefront, which means they're not going to want to have her jerked around (not saying you're doing that). Since you yourself don't know how long you're going to be in the difficult straits you find yourself, the court may find it is in her best interests to remain where she is. You probably need to wrap your brain around that as a very real possibility.

As HomeGuru suggested, you really need to speak with an attorney. While I don't doubt that your sister has had her experiences with overturned adoptions, she's not an attorney, and the law in CA is different than the one in FL. She's not really in a position to advise you legally.

Not judging you, analyzing situation you described...

I made no moral judgements and was not judging you. I was looking at the situation that you stated the baby would have been living in. Yes, going to school and working is a good thing. You should continue on that course no matter what.

You are 19 and have LIVED with a guy for four years? Good heavens. 15 is so very young to move in with someone. I did not assume anything about your choosing adoption and nowhere even touched upon the concept of being strung out , certainly did not assume that your adoption choice had anything to do with being unable to care for yourself, but instead had been a choice looking out for the welfare and well being of the baby. Quote: " to be truthful I am not making the money to pay bills, daycare, utilities, food, cloths and everyday expenses" It is your statement that caused me to respond that you were unable to care for yourself and a child. No judgement at all. And I never stated that you would "put" your child in foster care. I just stated that the family life you missed out on by being in foster care is now there for your daughter. Never mentioned placing into foster care.

And if I'd have been in your position at 19, I would have done exactly what you had chosen to do. So I am not at all criticizing the choice you had made.

THat was only intended as "food for thought".

AS to the duress as a basis to rescind: Duress as a legal concept is more than simply being stressed about what to do. Certainly, threats on your or another's life, for example, could be a form of duress (If you don't do A, I will do B). Momma_tiger inquired about the form of duress to see if it might meet the legal understanding. More information would be needed by those responding to your post to see if what occured might be duress. If you provide more to them, they may be able to better respond.

Re: Consent of the Biofather

From Summary of FL Adoption law:

http://www.adoptionsolutions.com/general/state laws/fl_law.htm

Consent to Adoption
Written consent is required of the following people:

1.
the mother of the adoptee;

2.
the father of the adoptee if


a.
the child was conceived or born while he was married to
the mother,


b.
he has adopted the child


c.
the court determined the child is his,


d.
he has acknowledged and filed a writing that he is the child's father, or


e.
he has provided the child with support in a repetitive customary manner;

3.
the adoptee, if older than 12 years of age, unless the court waives the adoptee's consent; and

4.
any person entitled to custody of the child, if so required by the court;

5.
If, due to previously terminated parental rights, a child is placed in a licensed child-placing agency or by the Department of Children and Familes, consent may be given by such agency or the Department.

You stated that you did what you did at the time because you thought it was best for your daughter. I'm curious as to why now you don't think it was best for her. You stress is not considered duress by law. This would be a very hard battle for you to fight and costly. I think after giving a child up for adoption most if not all mothers feel what you are feeling. However, I think most of those feelings are self serving and not in the best interest of the child. I am not trying to judge you or get ugly. I just don't think you are making this decision this time. According to your post it wasn't until after you found your sister that you started wanting this. I think your self esteem is low, that is obviously why you stayed with someone that beat you. I think you are emotionally dependant on others. Now that he is gone it's your sister. I think before you do anything, you should try to get your life in order, self a psychologist to sort out your own feelings. I don't think you are anymore stable now than you were when you made the decision the first time. By your definition you would be considering taking this child out of her home under duress. Like I said I am not being judgmental, I just want you to see your life for what it really is. Giving up a child is the most gracious unselfish gift someone can give. I applaud you for making that decision. Can you tell us how old the child is? That may factor in. You first state that her father left when you were pregnant, then that once your 4 year roommate started showing violence in front of the child you left him. So the child is around what 5 or older? That is old enough to know what kind of damage has been done. She can probably tell you where she is happy or not. Just don't let selfishness cause you to endanger this child and not offer her the best you can. If the best you can is where she is at, then it's the best you can give her. Good Luck.