Is this abuse???

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma
I was wondering if a father slapping a 13 year olds mouth for cussing at him is really abuse or justa bio mom going overboard trying to keep kids away??

In MY opinion, that depends on the manner in which he slapped her. Slapping is not a way to discipline a child, but many parents do it, there is a line between abuse and a slap or a spanking. Did he hit her so hard out of anger that she fell down, or bled, or bruised? Or did the slap just shock her. Was he angry or level-headed when he did this, does he have a history of abuse. Though I do not agree with using physical means to discipline a child I know of many parents who do. They are fit parents in every other way, I would not say they abuse their children. Many people are old fashion that whay, or where raised that way. You know your ex, do you think he was abusing her?

I completely agree with previous post. I think a 'slap' can be defined in many ways and by many instances. I have never done it but I have told my teenager if you that if you talk to me like an adult be prepared to be dealt with like an adult. And would consider doing it under the right circumstances. At 13 it's hard to punish them like children and hard to treat them like an adult and the person dealing with it has to find that medium. I think it all depends on if it is done in anger or punishment. stun hard or hurt hard. for a little mouthing or telling a parent to FO or something equally as disrespectful. The circumstances has a lot to do with this.

Personally, I don't think hitting a child in the face is ever an appropriate response. At 13, discipline is a tough thing - especially depending on how it's been handled in the past. But a lot does depend on the circumstances. I'd say if it was a one-time thing, there's not likely to be a huge issue made of it. If it's a regular thing - then it might be a big deal. If nothing else, I'd urge the parent to take a parenting class, and the parent/child to go to counseling together.

Yes, it can be construed as abuse but you've not given enough information.

Personally, just remember. Your children learn what is appropriate from your actions and words. You are teaching your child that violence is acceptable.

Discount what I say all you want, but I spanked my daughters to 'discipline' them until they were 4 and 6 and then when I saw them 'disciplining' each other I realized how much they had learned from me.

There are ALWAYS other option besides physical violence. Be intelligent enough to find them.

Yeah, it can be abuse and it can be justified punishment. It will be considered abuse by those who believe no child should ever be hit.

Personally, I think the response to a child's cursing a parent should be swift and complete, ie: cuss word reaches parent's ear, slap reaches child mouth.

I don't know anyone in my age group whose parents wouldn't have backhanded them right across the mouth if they cursed their parents and wouldn't hesitate to do the same to their own children if the situation warranted it.

"Spare the rod and spoil the child." Someone far wiser than me provided that parenting guideline.

spanking? abuse?

hello all I am new here and have been reading what is going on around here.
I have a similar situation.
my wife and I are going thru a divorce (just the beginning).
one nite we were arguing (it was rather heated) and we were both telling our 3yr old daughter to go to her room and get some clothes on (this she is very capable of) and she wouldnt listen to either of us. finally she wanders down the hallway and we assume she did what we asked. not even 2 minutes later I saw the bathroom light on and heard a noise in there.
already upset at my wife I believe that I overreacted a little bit when I saw her with a bottle of nail polish and was putting it on her body. I grabbed it away from her and put it away then spanked her bare butt before sending her to her room.
when I spanked her it left a handprint on her butt.
since we were fighting and I wanted no more of it, I left the house.
my wife called the police to have them take pictures of the handprint and soon after called CPS.
that night when I came home I was promptly arrested and put in jail for cruelty to a child. I spent 3 days there and the charges were not filed so I was released.
I know that this is going to greatly lessen my chances to get any kind of custody but what can I do?
I didn't mean to hurt her, I love my daughter.
can someone please help me?
am I screwed?

In this day and age...unless you're a Principal at a school, you're not allowed to hit your child and leave a mark. ONLY school administrators can do this and get away with it. What a lovely system we have.

Only my personal opinion, but I think your first few years of visitations with your daughter will be supervised vistations only (if Social Services has anything to do with it - and they will probably be knocking on your door tomorrow).

mrbishop - you'll get more responses if you start your own thread and don't hijack someone else's.

That said - expect that the court will order you to take anger management classes (you'd be well served to just go and take them on your own), and yes, possibly supervised visitation for a while. While a smack on the butt is not in and of itself necessarily abuse, that the mark stayed visible long enough for cops to come out and take photos (I doubt they responded immediately) indicates a pretty hefty wallop. That you did it while you were already angry with your wife is going to tell people (CPS and a judge) that you have difficulty controlling your anger in appropriate ways around your child.