incest/now future fear

What is the name of your state? Florida I do not know where to begin. I have been married for 3 years. Seperated twice and almost to be the third time. First year of marriage around new years my husband told me of an aunt who abused him as a boy from the age 9-12. I have figured that this is why we do not have intimacy in our relationship. He sleeps in the closet and when he is not in the closet he sleeps with the covers over his head. My husband and I have a 2 almost 3 year old daughter and I have a 12 year old girl from another marriage. I have been endlessly seeking answers and advice from therapists online and of course I know that I cannot change him he needs to want to change. Latley he has seen by way of internet history that I have been viewing incest and child abuse sights and has starting sending me e-mails saying that I am abusing drugs and have been since our marriage. I am trying to be as sympathatic as possible but it is getting impossible.
I am scared to divorce because the last time I filed and came close to it being final, I was worried when his supervised visits ran out and he would soon be filing to ask for visits alone with our daughter. God only knows, would he abuse her. I dont know.
What I want to know is I think the grounds for permanent supervised visits have to be to the extreme where there are signs of sexaual abuse towards her. If there is not we would have shared parental responsibility and I could not live with myself if he abused her. He has a big family in Colombia and I am trying desperatly to search records from there to see why he is not with his 4 children and what went wrong, but I have had no luck. I also fear that if she is left alone with him he will flee with her to his country.
I feel that I am damned if I do and damned if I dont.
Sometimes I feel like going away (undergroud), but it is usually us moms that get in trouble for this.
Please some advice. Maybe a recomendation of somthing legal I can do. He is not physically abusive towards me, but emotionally.
Even if I obtain a restraining order, I know this would not stop unsupervised visits after a certain amount of time.
Help

Was he previously married? It is possible, depending on where you were married, that he was required to list when and where his divorce took place and to whom he was married? Also, you say he has 4 other kids, does he pay support for them?

what reason was given to the court that only allowed him supervised visits? Do you have any evidence that he has abused any of the children in your home?

I dont understand why you are hesitant to divorce him if you truly believe you and your children are in some kind of danger.

I think she is hesitant to divorce him because at least if they are married, she can be with him all the time to make sure nothing happens to their daughter. With a divorce, he would be left alone with the child to do whatever he wanted. She thinks she can "supervise" him at this point because the supervision won't "run out" with her. It could "run out" eventually with a court order.

Now, as far as for your question about grounds for supervised visitation, my ex is on supervised visitation although he no longer shows up for it. He was put on it due to drug use in front of our daughter and leaving her to be supervised with his ex-convict brother (who was court ordered no contact with our daughter) and one or two other incidents. However, it was not an issue of sexual abuse. If your husband is initally placed on supervised visits and can make the court believe he is not a threat just because of what happened to him as a child, then he won't be supervised forever in any case.

I hate to see anyone this scared, but the court is not going to put your husband on supervised visits because he "might" do something inappropriate one day. Or because you're "scared he might" do something. It's just true. I wanted my ex on supervised visits a year before he was actually placed on them. It was frustrating.

However, it's easy for me to say "Take your children and flee" because I'm not the one there. You have to weigh your options and make some tough choices. There isn't an easy answer for you. I'm sorry. Call an attorney. Some of them will give you a first time consultation for free. Let them know what's going on and your concerns. An attorney can best help you make the choices that are right for you.

Bingo, that is why I have been staying with him because I know that the supervised visits would end. Our divorce was almost final in 2002 and we dropped it. He convinced me once again that he would seek help.
Well, It is Saturday here in FL and I have left the home with my children. He deleted my screen names from the computer and I am borrowing someone elses. He has threatened that he will not leave the home without the 2year old, but with support from abuse counseling on my part and support from you people when I read these forums I have left. I know there is a long road ahead of me. A lot of the hanging on is also financial reasons. I only work 2 days a week. I guess my next move is a restraining order. I just pray a judge will grant it. There have been substanial threats and I have several letters that came from his e-mails.
I am starting my journey.

Now, I am not trying to cause reason for alarm. But you said you have a 12 yo from a previous marriage. Does she live with you and your husband? Have you ever had concerns regarding her well being, and her relationship with her step father.
In my findings from Law and Order, and Dateline, Internet searches, and etc, I have found that child abusers direct their abuse on step children. Either physical, mental or sexual.

I would, just out of caution, speak with her about it, and keep her away from her step father until you know more information.

Are you concerned he has acted out any of this abuse on your child that you two share?
If so, and if you have not already, have her checked out by a doctor. A doctor would be able to tell you, and also test her for STD.
I know it is not something any of us want to imagine happening to our children, and I will pray for you and your children for the best.

Please keep us updated!
God's Blessings you you and your children.
And I hope everything works out for your husband, positively!

You could always stay a a safe house or something like that. Here's my thing: my ex and I had a daughter and when things got bad with him, had it not been for my family I don't know what I would've done. I didn't want to go to a "safe house" because my daughter had become accustomed to a certan lifestlye and I didn't want her to do without or live in a group type setting, etc. I didn't want to have to deal with alot of things I would've had to deal with. Therefore, I went to my family and, of course, they helped me out. I don't know if you have that luxury.

You do have a long road to travel and easy is the LAST thing it will be. You'd be surprised, however, at what you can do when you have to. This will not be the worst thing you ever live through. When you're child's safety is a question in your mind, you will be very diligent in your pursuit to do everything to protect them. You just need a little moral support, that's all.

In answer to the first response is yes my 12 year old has been told what is right and wrong. And yes he has made that first remark, may have been no harm in it, but he has told her more than once "Gee, you sure are turning into a young woman",
"Boy, you sure are looking good".
I do thank God that I have my mother who lives less than a mile away.
My husband will not have an opportunity to be alone with either of my daughters as long as the blood is running through my veins.