• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Ex-husband Retaliates

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

What is the name of your state? Missouri

My ex-husband is currently in prison. He was released on p&p, but violated it almost immediately. He would not stay away from me and our child, despite a court order to do so. He was drunk, stoned, and I was terrified of making him angrier than he already was. He went to prison for battering me previously, and I do not know how to make him go away other than prison. I have had an investigator call his parents asking questions about me-at his instigation, I was told. He is raising legal hell, though I did nothing wrong and was assured his information was unfounded. I have had a $10 seat belt ticket in my entire life. He keeps sending letters to legal agencies, attempting to put me in prison, too, he says. I am terrified. He says he will laugh his ass off. I kept the letter he sent, but what crime is he committing by doing this? It is not stalking, but it is certainly harrassment. I will not visit him, take his collect calls, send him money, write him letters, so he retaliates. OPs are worthless where he is concerned. How do you deal with a man who is capable of killing you without causing him to follow through when he gets out? I run, he finds me. I am tired of running. Even prison doesn't keep him from trying to cause me harm. Please, I need advice on how to stop him without totally making him ballistic.
 


tigger22472

Senior Member
PO's can help in prison. A friend of mine got one against her ex. He was not to have ANY contact with her or their child. He sent a letter from jail and my friend went to report it and also called the jail. They assured her no mail will leave the building to her home. Obviously he was warned because even though he's been moved to another prison he has no longer tried to call or contact in any way.
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
Missouri is a one-party state. Simply put, you have the right, as a party to any telephone conversation, to record that conversation. DO IT! It costs about $50 to buy a recording device to attach to your phone.

Also, rent or buy a video camera and any time your ex comes to your home, videotape him. Then, call the police.

You have a right to protect yourself. And this jerk sounds like he will try anything to get one over on you.

Also, if you have time once or twice an evening, go to the community center or ymca in your area (if you're in or around Kansas City there are many programs) and learn the basics of self-defense.

In other words, stop being a victim and start being a survivor.

Then KICK THE SHI* OUT OF THIS GUY!!!
 
I am on the MO Victims Assistance list, so wrote them yesterday. He is in prison currently, but is filing appeal after motion after whatever-else to get out. He is suing the parole board for keeping him in prison. The board member, a woman, upset him and he is attempting to cause her to lose her job as we speak! I am treading carefully, have a block on my phone now, but it won't stop him-only make him angrier. He has violated protective orders before-he was sentenced to 120 days shock for violating his probation for battering me by battering me again. I filed a PO, he beat the h*** out of me and dragged me to the court where it was filed and demanded I drop it. As I was bleeding and bruised, the clerk intervened and told the judge. I whispered to her I did not want to get killed. I still don't. He had left me there in the courtroom, and they could not catch him. He got 7 years. It wasn't enough to stop him. Sorry for running on. Thank you for your suggestions.
 

Beth3

Senior Member
Fordell, I urge you to contact the domestic/family violence crisis and counseling center in your community and ask for their assistance. They are expert at helping individuals in situations like yours and they can provide a number of options for you to consider in how to create a safety plan. It is obvious your ex is an extremely violent and vindictive man - perhaps even psychotic - and you need expert assistance from individuals who can truly offer you safe options to consider.

hexeliebe, it's rare you and I are on a different page on something, but some of the advice you provided is likely to get this poster killed the next time her ex makes an appearance. He is obsessed with her and may stop at nothing until she is dead when he is ultimately released from prison. Which is why it is critical for Fordell to obtain expert assistance NOW on how to make a safety plan for that eventuality. In this situation, knowing self-defense will provide no defense. He's not a mugger or a rapist - he wants to murder her because he can no longer control her. It's a terrifying situation for the victims.
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
Beth, we are not on different pages on this. I simply advised the poster to take steps to protect herself. Although he does sound controlling and a bit psychotic, until she has proof of what she says, she will continue to get the same runaround from the authorities.

I'm not advocating that she run out into the street with the camcorder on her shoulder. But I am advocating that she take measures to provide the kind of proof she will need.

As for this jerk, you have to remember, people like this have all the time in the world to think of ways to get around the system. I have also had experience with helping victims put together a 'safety plan' in the State of Missouri. (it's where I was born and a volunteer for domestic abuse hotline) and unfortunately, they only work IF the victim is proactive in creating a level of self-reliance.

Yes, create a safety plan. But never stop there. Move, document everything, have witnesses....in other words do anything and everything you can think of including taping any phone calls you can from him and creating a papertrail.

Because if you are not proactive in defending yourself, then a sheet of paper is not going to help. And sad as that sounds, it's reality. There is a long list of women and men who are now dead with "but I had a piece of paper" written on their headstone.
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
FordellCastle;

Since we don't know in which city you reside (and you shouldn't state it here), I've done a little research. Here is a list of places you can start. Please, whatever you do, don't stop trying to get the help you deserve and should demand.

http://www.mocadv.org/

Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence 331 Madison Jefferson City MO 65101 (314)634-4161

Belton Victim Advocate Program 7001 E. 163rd St. Belton MO 64012 Business #: 616-331-5522

Tri-County Council Against Domestic Violence 16 N. Court Bowling Green MO 63334 Business #: 314-324-2231

Women's Crisis Center of Taney County, Inc. P.O. Box 282 Branson MO 65615 Business #: 417-335-3197 Hotline/Crisis: 417-335-3197

Citizens Against Domestic Violence P.O. Box 673 Camdenton MO 65020 Business #: 314-346-2633

Safe House for Women, Inc. P.O. Box 1167 Cape Girardeau MO 63702 Business #: 314-335-7745 Hotline/Crisis: 314-651-1614

Prison: Patch P.O. Box 37 Cedar City MO 65022 Business #: 314-251-4748

YWCA Women's Resource Center 14 N. Brentwood Clayton MO 63105 Business #: 314-726-6665

The Shelter P.O. Box 1367 Columbia MO 65205 Business #: 314-875-1369 Hotline/Crisis: 314-875-1370 Toll Free #: (800)548-2480

Casa Guadalup, Family Growth Center P.O. Box 417 Ellington MO 63638 Business #: 314-663-2720 Hotline/Crisis: 314-663-2720

Comtrea Community Mental Health Center: A Safe Place Shelter P.O. Box 519 Festus MO 63028 Business #: 314-337-0200 Hotline/Crisis: 314-931-2700

HAVEN Against Violent Environments Now, Inc. 1325 N. Highway 67 Florissant MO 63031 Business #: 314-837-6767

Planned Parenthood 201 East 5th Street Fulton MO 65251 Business #: 314-642-7688

AVENUES P.O. Box 284 Hannibal MO 63401 Business #: 314-221-2093 Hotline/Crisis: 314- 221-2093 Toll Free #: (800)678-7713

Texas County Child Advocacy Council P.O. Box 190 Houston MO 65483 Business #: 417-967-4551

Hope House P.O. Box 1170 Independence MO 64051 Business #: 816-461-4188 Hotline/Crisis: 461-HOPE

Rape & Abuse Crisis Service P.O. Box 416 Jefferson City MO 65102 Business #: 314-634-8346 Hotline/Crisis: 314-634-4911

Lafayette House 1809 Connor Joplin MO 64804 Business #: 417-782-1772 Hotline/Crisis: 417-782-1772

Domestic Violence Victim Witness Assis. Pro. 1101 Locust Kansas City MO 64106 Business #: 816-274-1517

Family Advocacy Network, Inc. 4007 Central Kansas City MO 64111 Business #: 816-753-5818

NEWHOUSE P.O. Box 240019 Kansas City MO 64124 Business #: 816-231-7378 Hotline/Crisis: 816-241-0311

Parents Anonymous of Kansas City 2837 Main Kansas City MO 64108 Business #: 816-472-4490 Hotline/Crisis: 816-474-4588

Project Assist/Legal Aid of Western Missouri 1005 Grand, Suite 600 Kansas City MO 64106 Business #: 816-474-6750

Rose Brooks Center, Inc. P.O. Box 10453 Kansas City MO 64171 Business #: 816-861-3460 Hotline/Crisis: 816-861-6100

SafeHaven of Kansas City, Inc. 230 Evansdale Road Kansas City MO 64116 Business #: 816-454-3581 Hotline/Crisis: 816-452-8535

Harbor Lights Shelter Program from Domestic Violence P.O. Box 398 Kimberling City MO 65686 Business #: 417-739-2118 Hotline/Crisis: 417-739-2118

Victim Support Services P.O. Box 439 Kirksville MO 63501 Business #: 816-665-0021 Hotline/Crisis: 816-665-1617

Council to Prevent Family Violence of Laclede Cty. P.O. Box 1281 Lebanon MO 65536 Business #: 417-532-2885 Hotline/Crisis: 417-588-9773 Toll Free #: (800)588-9773

Liberty Shelter/The Children's Place P.O. Box 207 Maiden MO 63863 Business #: 314-276-5500 Hotline/Crisis: 314-276-2955

Audrian County Crisis Intervention Services P.O. Box 181 Mexico MO 65265 Business #: 314-581-5280 Hotline/Crisis: 314-581-2280 Toll Free #: 800-246-2280

The Agape House, Inc. of Mountain View P.O. Box 550 Mountain View MO 65548 Business #: 417-934-1811 Hotline/Crisis: 417-934-1811

Council on Families in Crisis 415 North Main Nevada MO 64771 Business #: 417-667-7171 Hotline/Crisis: 417-667-3733 Toll Free #: (800)398-4271

People Against Domestic Violence Rt.2, Box 154 New Haven MO 63068 Business #: 314-237-3605

Hope Haven of Cass County 1703 Richmond Dr. Pleasant Hill MO 64080 Business #: 816-884-6033

Haven House, Inc. P.O. Box 4875 Poplar Bluff MO 63901 Business #: 314-686-4873 Hotline/Crisis: 314-686-4873 Toll Free #: (800)491-1138

Hopeful Expectations 1104 N. Rolla St. Rolla MO 65401 Business #: 314-634-2440

Russell House Phelps Cnty Family Crisis Service P.O. Box 2259 Rolla MO 65401 Business #: 314-364-0579 Hotline/Crisis: 314-364-0222

CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) Inc. P.O. Box 1371 Sedalia MO 65302 Business #: 816-827-5559 Hotline/Crisis: 816-827-5555 Toll Free #: (800)894-1151

Family Violence Center, Inc. P.O. Box 5972 Springfield MO 65801 Business #: 417-865-0373 Hotline/Crisis: 417-865-1728 Toll Free #: (800)831-6863

St. Charles Victim of Crime Assist Program 205 N. Second St. St. Charles MO 63301 Business #: 314-947-2646

The Women's Center P.O. Box 51 St. Charles MO 63302 Business #: 314-946-6854 Hotline/Crisis: 314-946-6854

YWCA Shelter for Abused Women and their Children 304 North 8th St. Joseph MO 64501 Business #: 816-232-4481 Hotline/Crisis: 816-232-1225

ALIVE P.O. Box 11201 St. Louis MO 63105 Business #: 314-993-7080 Hotline/Crisis: 314-993-2777

Educational Center on Family Violence 3500 Giles St. Louis MO 63116 Business #: 314-771-1116

Kathy J. Weinman Shelter for Battered Women and their Children P.O. Box 5852 St. Louis MO 63134 Business #: 314-423-1117 Hotline/Crisis: 314-423-1117

Legal Advocates for Abused Women 625 N. Euclid St. Louis MO 63108 Business #: 314-454-6940 Hotline/Crisis: 314-454-6910 Toll Free #: (800)444-0514

New Life Style Program 4219 Laciede Avenue St. Louis MO 63108 Business #: 314-531-5391

Rape and Violence End Now (RAVEN) 7314 Manchester 2nd Floor St. Louis MO 63143 Business #: 314-645-2492 Hotline/Crisis: 314-645-2075

St. Louis Circuit Attorney's Service 1320 Market, Room 222 St. Louis MO 63103 Business #: 314-622-4373

St. Martha's Hall P.O. Box 4950 St. Louis MO 63108 Business #: 314-533-1313 Hotline/Crisis: 314-533-1313

The Women's Safe House P.O. Box 63010 St. Louis MO 63163 Business #: 314-772-4535 Hotline/Crisis: 314-772-4535

Victim Service Council 7900 Carondelet St. Louis MO 63105 Business #: 314-889-3075

Women's Self Help Center 2838 Olive St. St. Louis MO 63103 Business #: 314-531-9100 Hotline/Crisis: 531-2003

YWCA Transitional Housing Program Phyllis Wheatly Br. 2709 Locust St. Louis MO 63103 Business #: 314-533-9400 Hotline/Crisis: 314-533-9400

North Central Missouri Women's and Children's Abuse Shelter P.O. Box 30 Trenton MO 64683 Business #: 816-359-3297 Toll Free #: (800)942-0649

Survial P.O. Box 344 Warrensburg MO 64093 Business #: 816-429-1088 Hotline/Crisis: 816-429-2847

Pulaski County Crisis Center P.O. Box 4177 Waynesville MO 65583 Business #: 314-774-2628

Christos House P.O. Box 822 West Plains MO 65775 Business #: 417-256-9255 Hotline/Crisis: 417-256-9255 MLS 60 days

Although your issue is not specifically an abuse issue but one of harrassement and violation of a PO, these are the places to start. They will be able to help get you the assistance and advice that you will need for empowerment.
 

Beth3

Senior Member
hexeliebe, all those DV counseling centers in MO is great information to share. :)

FYI - I was on the Board of Directors for the DV crisis shelter and counseling center in my area for quite a few years so while far from expert, I do have some knowledge. Her ex's behavior demonstrates he is not going to end his obsession with her and she will be considerably at risk at such time as he is released. I was merely concerned that your advice to the poster that she should take a self-defense course and "kick the sh**" out of the guy could get her killed. I agree she (and all victims of DV) need to be proactive and one of the most proactive and best steps they can take is to contact a DV counseling center in their area. They do wonderful work.
 
I can no more beat the s*** out of him than I can fly-he is whacked out of his mind on alcohol and drugs, while I am stone cold sober-you have to stay that way to outwit him and stay alive. He said once while kicking me in that state that, "This is a high like you wouldn't believe!" I believe it. I am on Medicaid in my state for health problems-my prescriptions total over $2,000 per month, and he knows if he gets it taken away from me I cannot stay alive. I got a letter from him today, demanding money, blaming my mother now for putting him in prison the first time-and learning the information I gave about my fear of him was not confidential. It is in the court records, letters I wrote the prosecutor and judge. He is furious. I hope to move ASAP. Thank you for your advice and concern. I am waiting for a response from MOVA. I am rational, he is not, and that makes the battle so unfair.
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
If your order of protection states that he is to have "NO CONTACT" with you, then take the letter down to the prosecutor's office and file harrassement charges against him.

He is in violation of the Order.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top