• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

wanting to talk to my kids

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

J

joeb

Guest
What is the name of your state? Maryland

I gave my kids up for adoption a while back because of certain issues. I regret what I have done. I have never stopped loving my kids. I have wanted to try and contact them, but because I know I gave up my rights I have to respect the decision of their mother not to contact them. I wish that she would have it in her heart to allow this. I know I will probably have to wait until they turn 18. My son will be 18 in October and I hope he decides to contact me. I want to tell him why i did what I did. I am prepared to suffer from what he has to say to me. But i want to be able to give my side of the story. There is always two sides to every story. Is this the right thing to do or should I leave it alone?
 


Seanscott

Member
The main question would be - do the children know they are adopted? If so, I'm sure they have wondered about their biological parents from time to time. It would be a terrible shock to find out from you that they were adopted, and they would possibly hate you for the upheaval you would cause.

Maybe you can contact the adoptive parents and ask if the child would be willing to meet you when he turns 18.

As far as to whether it is right or wrong - there are stories of wonderful meetings, and stories of absolutely horrible meetings.

I don't think anybody can answer that question for you.

I feel for you & wish you the best.
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
I know I will probably have to wait until they turn 18. My son will be 18 in October and I hope he decides to contact me. I want to tell him why i did what I did. I am prepared to suffer from what he has to say to me. But i want to be able to give my side of the story.
From the part of your post above I would guess that the children's best interest is what you are looking for. And for that I commend you.

However, you do have other options. It sounds like you know where the children live and could contact them if you wished. If that is true, sit down and write a letter to your son, tell your side of the story and sign with your name and phone number. Leave the letter with an attorney to be delivered to your son on the date of his 18th birthday.

He will be an adult then and will have to make up his own mind. He may not contact you and even if he does, he may have anomosity towards you. That's something you will have to deal with.

In the end, it's his decision.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Chele

Just how can you be so sure this is YOUR ex? And that he has THREE kids like you do? He never mentioned how many he has. He has a son that will be 18 in October and you do too? Lots of people have that. I have 2 kids with October birthdays. Uses a posting name simular to one your ex does? I know a lotta people with the name Joe, and use it as their online "handle".

He's not even in the same state as you. He's in Maryland, you're in Michigan.

Please, I know you're new to the forum. But don't assume that someone is your ex because their situation is simular to yours or has some of the same exact facts as yours. Unless and until you know without a fact that this is indeed YOUR ex, then please don't attack them as being such.
 
T

Turtle7

Guest
I agree with MissouriGal, you have no idea who this gentalman is. And I dont see why it is so bad that he wants to contact his son. You and your son should be glad that he loves him and cares enough to want to locate him. there are alot of men out there who DONT care. And how does your son know you are telling him the truth about everything? If he hasnt spoke to his father then how could he know both sides of it. It sounds like you have a lot of hate in you torwards your ex and his new family. I dont know your situation ma'am but I am going through the same thing this gentalman is, or my husband is. His daughter will be 18 soon (january) and he wants to see her so bad. I dont see how loving your kids is a horrible thing. Your son could have the best of both worlds , 2 families that love him. How is that wrong? I think you should get rid of the hate you have for him and his new wife and you might find that they arent all that bad. I am tired of 1st wives bashing the ex husband and the fact they they choice to have a new family. But it seems to be ok for the ex wife to have herself a new family. Why is that? I must say I hope this man finds his son and I hope things work out for them. Life is to short. Grow up ma'am and stop hating so much, besides you dont even know who this man is.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Chele, you have no idea of how many people on this forum truly DO understand because they've been through it themselves. Many, many more than you can think of hun.

None of us have anger or hate. This is a man that wants to see his child. There is nothing in the world wrong with that. Even mothers that give their children up at birth want to see those children someday. Adoptees spend years looking for their bio-parents.

Only you can say you're doing what you think is right for their children. The OP in this thread wants to do what he feels in his heart as well.

I'm glad to see you deleted your previous post. It was filled with so much anger and resentment. Maybe you're right to feel those things because of your situation. We don't know. But to project those feelings on to someone that may or may not be your ex, and talk to him as if he is your ex, was what upset me. Imagine if you read something like you posted, and it was directed at you by a complete stranger. You can't say with 100% certainty that it IS your ex. Unless you were sitting there when he posted to the forum, or have his IP address and traced it from his post, or a host of other things. Or, unless he actually told you it was him. But, since he said he's had no contact with the mother of his children, or his children, I doubt the latter applies.

We've had this happen before on here. Someone is so sure that a poster is their ex and they go off on them.... and come to find out, it's not who they thought it was. I just didn't want to see that happen to you because there's no way to know for sure it's who you think it is.

No one is angry or mad at you. We just didn't want to see you point an accusatory finger at an innocent person that came here looking for help, and that person turn away from this board because of your comments to them. That's all.
 
T

Turtle7

Guest
This is for chele, i see my self you edited your replies. I have to wonder why? Are you afraid of this gentalman seeing your posts and you being wrong about who this is? I think you want people to feel pity for you. Just remember Your son could have the best of both worlds and forgiveness can heal lots of things. I hope you all will be able to find forgiveness and see past things so that you all may get along in life. I can see you think you are doing the right thing by being nasty to this gentalman, and lashing out at him for what your ex husband did. But you shouldnt do that. If this man isnt your ex husband dont take out on him what you have against your ex. And if it is him well I still hope he will be able to see his son. I am biast to this I guess since my husband wants so badly to see his daughter. But i would say if you all could get along then do it. I think it may be good for everyone. I would love to have a relationship with my " stepdaughter". But Her mother doesnt like me like you dont like your ex husbands wife. And I dont know why she doesnt like me. I would give anything to get along with her and her daughter. Honestly I would.
 
J

joeb

Guest
I see that something has been going on in here. I guess Chele thinks that I am her ex and that she said some things to me and edited them. Thats ok. Maybe I am her ex, I do not know who chele is. It sounds like it might be. I am not going to sit here and defend myself by no means. I know I still love my kids and nothing will ever change that. But for all you good people who have stood up for me, I say thank you. See what you all don't know is that in the begining my ex asked if I would give my kids up to her new husband. I said no. They moved away, I moved away. My income lowered and I petitioned the court to have my child support reduced. It was going to reduce by only $100. Thats good considering I was paying $700 a month. Well she contested to $100. I would have been happy with this and never would have gave them up. But of course I lost and continued to pay $700. I got tired of the bull and I was tired of playing games. But yet she elected to turn down $700 as opposed to $100. I ask what is wrong with this picture. I know I made a mistake. But I wish that we could have put it all behind us and all still communicated. But now I am living day by day wondering if MY kids will ever look me up. I am quite sure there has been things said about me to my kids that are not true. There is more to why I gave them up, but I will only discuss these with my kids so that they know the real truth. Again I want to say thanks to all of you who support me. I DO LOVE MY KIDS. My blood runs through them.
 
J

joeb

Guest
I forgot to add something here. There are two sides to every story. I believe my ex may be afraid of the kids knowing the real truth. If they decide not to talk to me after, then I will have to accept that. But I want to try and have some kind of relationship with them and I think that scares my ex and her husband. Am I wrong for all this? I am just a man who loves his kids very much and have never forgotten about them ever. I have b-day cards waiting for them when they turn 18. I am only human and want to continue loving them no matter what and no one and I mean no one will ever take that from me.
 
T

Turtle7

Guest
joeb you are not wrong for loving your children. And you may just be right about her being afraid of the kids hearing your side and what you have to say.

Dont give up. I congratulate you on trying to find them and wanting to have something to do with them. Like I said there are so many men out there who are deatbeats and dont care about their kids. You and my husband are one in the same. He cares about his 2 kids just like you care about your son. Nothing wrong with having so many people loving you. Maybe some day your son will see that you always have loved him, and he will get to hear the truth from YOU and not her. How does she know what the truth is? And inturn how could he know what the truth is if you have never had the chance to tell it. There are 2 sides to every story and he has only heard her side. Hopefully he will get to hear your side one day. Wish you all the best in your hunt for your son. Maybe by the time you find him his mother will have had enough time to calm down and accept the fact that you love him and there is nothing wrong with that. And maybe feelings wont be so hostile.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top