TERMINATION OF PARENTAL RIGHTS

I AM MARRIED, HAVE TWO CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. TO PUT IT PLAINLY, THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER IS THE POSTER CHILD FOR DEAD BEET DADS.HE DOES NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT. HE QUITS HIS JOBS AS SOON AS THEY ATTATCH HIS WAGES, WHICH USUALLY TAKES FOREVER, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T TELL THEM HE'S WORKING. BUT THIS IS NOT REALLY WHAT BOTHERS ME. HE GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO IGNORE THE KIDS. FOR EXAMPLE, HE HASN'T SEEN THEM SINCE OCTOBER. AT CHRISTMAS, HE CHOSE NOT TO EVEN CALL THEM. HE JUST DOESN'T BOTHER WITH THEM. OCCASIONALLY (MAYBE TWICE A YEAR OR SO) HE'LL TAKE THEM FOR AN HOUR OR SO, MAKE ALL KINDS OF PROMISES, AND THEN GO AWAY (HE LIVES LESS THAN A MILE AWAY) THEY ARE VERY, VERY HURT BY THIS. IT IS EMOTIONALLY DRAINING FOR THEM. THEY CRY, WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM BECAUSE THEIR FATHER CAN'T EVEN CALL. HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC, HE HAS A VERY LONG CRIMINAL HISTROY INCLUDING DRUG POSSESSION. DESPITE ALL OF THIS, I HAVE BEEN OVERLY GENEROUS TO HIM, I OFFERED HIM SHARED CUSTODY, LEGAL CUSTODY, AND I (TRY TO) CONTACT HIM ANY TIME THERE IS A SCHOOL EVENT OR SOMETHING IMPORTANT GOING ON WITH THEM TO ASK IF HE WANTS TO BE PRESENT. MY HUSBAND HAS EVEN PICKED HIM UP AND TAKEN HIM TO THESE EVENTS. STILL, HE PLAYS WITH THEIR EMOTIONS. I USED TO FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER KEEP A CHILD FROM A PARENT, THAT A MOTHER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FATHER IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE FATHER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD. (I STILL BELIEVE THAT PART) BUT NOW, I WONDER IF I SHOULD KEEP LETTING THE BOYS GET HURT LIKE THAT. SOME ONE TOLD ME ONCE THAT IF THERE IS NO PARENTAL CONTACT IN 6 MONTHS, THEIR RIGHTS COULD BE LEGALLY TERMINATED. I AM WONDERING IF THIS IS RIGHT IN OUR SITUATION. THE BOYS THINK THE WORLD OF THEIR FATHER. AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BAD GUY OR AN EXCUSE FOR HIM, FOR THAT MATTER. I JUST WANT TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR MY SONS. I JUST DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW FOR SURE WHAT THAT IS.

I WISH! Our situation is a little different. My husband's daughter from his prev. marriage hasn't seen him in 2 1/2yrs. She will not answer letters and will not return phone calls. She wants absolutely no contact with my husband who pays child support weekly and provides excellent med. ins. She has been terribly brainwashed by her mother, but to be honest the kid was always a brat. We were told by our attorney that the only was to terminate parental rights is for someone to adopt the children. Your husband, for instance. But, I DON'T THINK that the kids can "be without a father". It's too bad that the kids that WANT to see their father get ignored and the fathers that WANT to be a part of their kids lives get rejected.

It is so unfortunate for your children that they have such an irresponsible father. However, you say they love him and think the world of him. You would be doing them more harm than good to try and terminate their relationship with him. I know it breaks your heart to see them hurt and disappointed by their father, but you have a responsibility to your children to help them understand. They need to understand that their father has a disease, "alcoholism", and that the things their father does (or doesn't do) is not because he doesn't love them. You may be fed up with your ex's behavior, but at one point in your life you chose to bring two babies into this world with this alcoholic man with a "long criminal histroy", so now you must bare the responsibility of that choice. No matter how bad you think this guy is now; it is the only natural father your sons' will ever have. Continue to be the wonderful, loving & caring mom to your sons it sounds like you have always been, while still encouraging a relationship between your sons and their father in the most positive way you can. Good luck!

I know this situation hurts you, because it hurts your children, who you love most. The alchoholic father just does not realize how much his problem effects his children, although you, do your best to protect them. In some situations, it is one parent or the other that the child/children can depend on for security. In this case, it is you. The fact that they have you to depend on is enough. They have their stability, security, and reassuance from you. In a perfect world, both parents are responsible, loving, and do what is in the best interest of the children. However, we all know, our world is far from perfect. Continue to do your best. Let your children know their father loves them, but is unable to care for them. Eventually, they will grow into young adults and have other interests, other than why Dad doesn't call. Yes, they will continue to be angry, but make sure they understand that they are not responsible for Dads behavior; it's not their fault or yours. Clearly, you have done your best. Counseling could help them understand, but be careful in who you select for this service. A PHD in this area would be a good place to start. If you feel uneasy about your selection from the "get go", try a different Doc. Best wishes to you and yours.