CUSTODY OF MY 3YR OLD

THE FATHER OF MY CHILD AND I WERE NEVER MARRIED. HE HAS NOT PARTICIPATED IN OUR SONS LIFE AT ALL. NOW THAT I AM MARRIED, MY HUSBAND IS IN THE ARMY. WE ARE NOT LIVING IN THE SAME STATE AND MY SON CALLS MY HUSBAND DADDY. I AM NOT TRYING TO CONFUSE MY CHILD BECAUSE HIS BIO FATHER WAS NEVER AROUND. I WOULD REPEATEDLY MAKE THE EFFORT TO ARRANGE VISITATION WHEN WE LIVED IN THE SAME STATE, BUT HE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING COME UP AND STAND US UP. I HAD RECOVERY SERVICES START GETTING CHILD SUPPORT , BUT SINCE HE CHANGED JOBS SO MUCH I SELDOM RECIEVED ANYTHING. THE WEEK OF MY WEDDING HE CALLED ME DEMANDING TO SEE OUR SON THE NEXT DAY. MY FAMILY WAS ARRIVING AND I TOLD HIM WHEN HE WANT VISITATION HE NEEDS TO GIVE ME MORE THAN 24 HOURS NOTICE . ESPECIALLY AFTER NOT SEEING HIM FOR SO LONG. WE HAVE NEVER BEEN TO COURT TO HAVE ANY ORDERS ABOUT ANYTHING EVER. BECAUSE I COULD NOT GAIN CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE STATED THAT HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER ONE OF US, WAS I REQUIRED TO GET PERMISSION FROM HIM TO LEAVE THE STATE WITH MY SON. AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO THAT STATE IF HE WANTS JOINT CUSTODY AND VISITATION. HE CAN NEVER HOLD A JOB OR RESIDENCE[EXCEPT HIS MOTHERS] AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO USE HIS FAMILY MEMBERS AS BABYSITTERS WHIE HE WORKS, THEY ARE SICK. HE SAYS THAT BEVCAUSE I LEFT THE STATE WITHOUT LETTING HIM KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING THAT I HAVE COMMITED A CRIME AGAINST HIM. HE ALSO SAYS THAT BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS IN THE MILITARY, THAT WE WILL HAVE TO FOOT THE ENTIRE BILL FOR MY SON TO VISIT HIM. HOW DO YOU PROVE TO A JUDGE THAT SOMEONE IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO PUT MY FEELINGS ASIDE FOR EVERYONES SAKE. ESPECIALLY MY SONS, BUT IT IS SO HARD. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE HE IS HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER THAT THAT GIVES HIM RIGHTS, AND I DON'T WANT TO DEPRIVE MY SON OF HIM AND THEN HAVE HIM RESENT ME WHEN HE GETS OLDER. CAN WE HAVE AN AGEEMENT IN COURT THAT NIETHER PARENT CAN SLANDER EACHOTHERS FAMILY IN FRONT OF THE CHILD. ABOVE ALL I JUST LOVE MY SON SO MUCH. MY WHOLE FAMILY DOES. THANKYOU FOR ANY HELP.

You HAVE custody of your child, by law or otherwise.

If the father wants to go to court for custody/visitation issues, it is his responsibility. You are at no obligation to ask his permission until a court of law tells you that you must.

You also have the option of filing for abandonment, but would probably not do well if he really does want to be part of his child's life.

You should encourage a relationship between your child and his father, no matter how much he doesn't deserve one. But do not allow him to even attempt to control you. Tell him to take you to court. Be firm and strong, you have raised this child.