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Husband wants to adopt my son

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C

chrismommy

Guest
What is the name of your state? Florida

( All of this happened in California)

My husband of 4 years has been raising my son since he was 4 months old. His biological father's family had always had contact with me except him, he never did his part as a father to contact his child. It was always his family.

When my husband (boyfriend at the time) decided to live together
in 1997 my son was 10 months old. When his biological father knew about it he and his family started loosing contact with me.

With my husband in the military, we had to move. They always knew where I lived and my family members lived (who still have the same address) he never tried to get contact with his son.

I had to go on with my life and moved to Florida (where my husband is from) I hadn't had any contact with his family or him since april of 1998. Now my son is 6 1/2 yrs. old and the only person he knows as his dad is my husband. He has no idea that
he is not his biological father. We can not tell him because he has
neurological problems that he won't understand what we are trying to tell him, he also has a language delay so he will not understand. My husband is willing to do anything to adopt him.

Will my husband be able to adopt my son?

Any advise please! chris's mommy, in tamap, fl
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
For starters, you're going to have to terminate the biofather's rights - and he'll have to be notified for that. Either he'll consent, or he won't and you'll have to take it to court. Then a judge will decide what's in the child's best interests.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
FL adoption statute summary

PLEASE< PLEASE< PLEASE, do NOT lie to your child about how you became a family. Hiding info inplies to a child that something is wrong (with them) that is so bad you caould not talk about it.

Do pursue the adoption, but don't use language and other delays as an excuse to not have familirized your child with his adoption status (when done). IF a child is told from the beginning that he is adopted (and he need not really understand what that means, just that it is another way to make a family), they merely take it for granted and it is never a shock. DO start being truthful with your child that his daddy is the daddy wholoves and raises him, just not the daddy that made him, and that he will always be his daddy. Thst's all. It needn't be more than he can understand.

I know many adult adoptess (who are also now adoptive parents). The MOST important thing they ALL say is that they are glad their parents told them from the very beginning they were adopted, and that made them feel there was nothing wrong about it. They are adamant that such info NOT be witheld for a "later" time.

There are wonderful kids books, very basic, that introduce very young kids to the idea of adoption from thje beginning. Fred Rogers has one,merely called Adoption, there is A Mother for Choco, Are You My Mother? My child was VERY severly delayed (at age 2 she had not even begun language development- due to orphanage ear infections and reduced hearing capability) She is also ADHD, SID, PTSD, and she has handled the concept of adoption perfectly fine. She just turned 6. So I have difficulty understanding why language delays and learning disabilities prevent a child from being capable of comprehending that the person who loves them and takes care of them and will always be there for them IS their parent, and it matters not whose tummy they grew in, or who the daddy that made them is. That the two of you are the true, forever parents.

I am sorry, but hiding adoption, as if there is something wrong, is a huge hot button issue with me. It is NOT good for a child to have this hidden and sprung on them later.

As to the process, if you can find him,you will need to have the biodad relinquish rights. You can likely also prove abandonment.

Here is a summary of FL adoption Statute:
http://www.adoptionsolutions.com/general/state laws/fl_law.htm

***************************************************
Florida Adoption Statute Summary

Florida Statutes Sections 63.012 to 63.301 (1997)

Who Can Adopt?
The following people whose primary residence and place of employment are in Florida may adopt:

1.
an unmarried adult, including the birth parent;

2.
a husband and wife jointly; or

3.
an unmarried minor birth parent.

A stepparent may adopt without his spouse joining in the adoption as long as the spouse consents to the adoption. A married person may adopt without the other spouse if the spouse's failure to consent is excused by the court.

In the case of a special needs child, Florida residency is not required. A homosexual may not adopt. No person can be prohibited from adopting solely because he or she is handicapped, unless the Department of Children and Familes determines that the handicap makes him or her incapable of being an effective parent.

Who Can Be Adopted?
Any person can be adopted.

Consent to Adoption
Written consent is required of the following people:

1.
the mother of the adoptee;

2.
the father of the adoptee if


a.
the child was conceived or born while he was married to the
mother,


b.
he has adopted the child


c.
the court determined the child is his,


d.
he has acknowledged and filed a writing that he is the child's father, or


e.
he has provided the child with support in a repetitive customary manner;

3.
the adoptee, if older than 12 years of age, unless the court waives the adoptee's consent; and

4.
any person entitled to custody of the child, if so required by the court;

5.
If, due to previously terminated parental rights, a child is placed in a licensed child-placing agency or by the Department of Children and Familes, consent may be given by such agency or the Department.

Consent is not required of the following people:

1.
a parent who has deserted a child, whose parental rights have been terminated, or who has been declared incompetent;

2.
a legal guardian or lawful custodian who has not responded in writing to a request for consent for a period of 60 days, or who has unreasonably withheld consent; or

3.
the spouse of the adoptee, if the spouse's failure to consent is excused by the court, or if the spouse has unreasonably withheld consent.

A good-faith and diligent effort must be made to obtain consent within 60 days after filing the petition. Consent is binding from the time it is given, unless the court finds that it was obtained by fraud or duress.

Confidentiality
All adoption hearings are held in closed court. All papers pertaining to the adoption are subject to inspection only upon a court order. All available nonidentifying information, including the medical and social history of the adoptee and the birth parents, must be furnished to the adoptive parents prior to finalization of the adoption, and to the adoptee (upon his request) after he reaches adulthood. Additional nonidentifying information that becomes available after the adoption has been finalized must also be furnished to the adoptive parent................

Relative Adoption
If a child has lived with a grandparent for at least 6 months, the agency handling an adoption petition will notify the grandparent of this fact. The grandparent may then petition to adopt and shall receive first priority, unless contrary to the terms in a deceased parent's will or the adoption is sought by a stepparent.

The preliminary home study is not required in an adoption by a relative or stepparent, unless required by the court.

Good luck.
 
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haiku

Senior Member
I second the notion, there are ways to tell children, where "they came from" and how special they are to you.

I know from personal experience how much harder it is to tell a child later....after lie compounded upon lie.....

best wishes to you!
 
C

chrismommy

Guest
Thank you for your opinion.

Thank for your advise, but you probably don't understand what I'm saying. First I haven't nor will lie to my child about his life.
As a parent any doctor or councelor will tell you because they have told me, my son has a mentality of a 2 and 3 yr old.
He has a hard time understanding common things. He is not a normal 6yr. old. With his diagnoises he is already going through enough already.
My husband and I are going through family counciling to show us and prepare us for when that day will come to tell him the truth,
his metality is too imature to understand common things in life.

I have saved pictures of his bio dad and family, so when he knows
I will give them to him so he could know at least what his father looks like, if he doesn't want to know anything about his son.
My husband and I have talked about it when the day comes, and it will be so divastating for him as well for us.

I want the best for my children, and a responsible and good parent will not put any more stress on their child more than
the child is going through already.

chris's mommy;)
 
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