sexual abuse over 10yrs ago

What is the name of your state? minnesota
I was sexually abused over 10 yrs ago. I was thinking of confronting him and letting him know how this has affected my life. He did get cought but I was so young my family didn't do much because they didn't want to hurt me any more then I already was. My father would like to go with me and share some words as well. Is this a good idea or are there any legal reasons why I shouldn't confront him?
Also, is there anything I can do legally since it's been over 10 yrs?

foxfire1137 said:

What is the name of your state? minnesota
I was sexually abused over 10yrs ago and was thinking of confronting the gentlemen who abused me. wondering if there are any lega reasons not to do so?
Also, is there anything I can do legally since it's been over 10 yrs?

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My response:

Okay, let's assume you're going to confront him. Where's your proof?

Now, he denies the allegation, and says that it was probably a false remembrance, and a "fantasy" of yours.

Now what do you do?

Remember, unless there's some proof, you may be headed for a slander lawsuit if you discuss this with anyone other than police or your doctor.

IAAL

My response:

You edited your post. I was working from your original post, as you can see from the quoted version in my response to you.

IAAL

open letter

You can send an "open letter" to your local newspaper. Find out if they will print the letter and withhold your name, if you do not want your name to be printed. You can address the "open letter" to the criminal, without using his name. You can tell the criminal and the public the harm he has done to you.

A reporter with the newspaper may wish to do a story on the subject, withholding your name and that of the criminal. I have seen such stories in newspapers.

Re: open letter

pamela vandi said:

You can send an "open letter" to your local newspaper. Find out if they will print the letter and withhold your name, if you do not want your name to be printed. You can address the "open letter" to the criminal, without using his name. You can tell the criminal and the public the harm he has done to you.

A reporter with the newspaper may wish to do a story on the subject, withholding your name and that of the criminal. I have seen such stories in newspapers.

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HUH?? What newspaper would ever print such a letter without the name of the person writing the letter and who they are accusing?

To Whom It May Concern,

You abused me and ruined my life.

Signed, You Know Who

Re: open letter

pamela vandi said:

You can send an "open letter" to your local newspaper. Find out if they will print the letter and withhold your name, if you do not want your name to be printed. You can address the "open letter" to the criminal, without using his name. You can tell the criminal and the public the harm he has done to you.

A reporter with the newspaper may wish to do a story on the subject, withholding your name and that of the criminal. I have seen such stories in newspapers.

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Oh yeah, I can see a reputable newspaper putting itself on the line like this. Can you spell l-a-w-s-u-i-t?

example

This link contains an example of the "open letter" message I referred to:

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/2042675#top

The woman who wrote the "open letter" was the mother of a woman who was drugged and sexually assaulted so severely that the victim died. The writer is identified in this example, but the criminal is not, as he has yet to be apprehended. I have seen "open letters" in which the writer's name is withheld, and will post links as I locate them.

Edit: This link contains the text of the letter referred to above:

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/story.hts/side/2042518

2nd edit: The text of the above letter is copied and pasted here, as the link may not last:

Aug. 11, 2003, 6:48PM

Text of mother's letter to daughter's killer

To My Daughter's Killer

They have asked me to appear in media to give a compelling mother's plea to the public so that someone will come forward and identify you. Well, I don't want to do that because I have other children whose lives have already been shattered by your heinous actions whose mental welfare I do not wish to see affected any more adversley than it already is.

Did you think that my child was a person that no one cared about and it didn't matter to you if you destroyed her life? Well, I doubt that, because somehow I think that Meghan probably told you something about her little sister, who was always a prominent part of her conversation. Perhaps you may even feel that if she had any brains, she would have gone to the hospital and everything would have been just fine, and since she would have no memory of what happened, you'd get off scot-free anyway. But guess what? Even if she had gone to the hospital, everything would not have been just fine because you had already done severe physical and psychological damage to her that would have left permanent scars on both her body and mind.

And gues what else? Meghan was deeply loved by those who knew her best, and when they catch you and you start to lie about her, I want you to know that there are many people who will not be fooled while you try to save your worthless soul from the sentence you deserve.

There were a lot of things about Meghan that no one but those closest to her knew. Like where she got that nickname Peepdog. Was it a street name? No. She got it from me, her mom. We always called her The Peep because she was so little when she was growing up. One day when she was 10, she wasn't helping me with the housework, so I said The Peep is being a dog today and called her Peepdog. She had that nickname long before the terminology dawg even came into common usage to mean a friend among young people. Or that West Side Story was her favorite musical. Or that she had been doing exercises faithfully every day so she could be the model in the exercise book I will probably never finish now.

Words fail me at this time and every single day as I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that I will never hear my daughter's laughter and see her beautiful face and eyes except in my memories or be able to hold her, hug her and kiss her, and I pray that she has found eternal peace. At the same time I know that my daughter did nothing to deserve or provoke such a brutal attack as you perpetrated upon her and I also pray that they are able to get you and get you off the street so you cannot harm any other young woman and no other family will have to go through what you have done to us.

Valerie Smith

referral

foxfire1137: For info on what you can do legally, you could try contacting www.rainn.org. The name stands for "rape, abuse, incest national network." I referred another party to that group, and asked that the other party post info on if RAINN was helpful. They provide standard info, but do not go out of their way to find what you may need to know. If you contact them, please post your opinion of their usefulness on this link.

I edited my previous link to include the text of an "open letter" that a newspaper printed to a sexual predator from one of his victim's mothers. Please post your "open letter" here if you contact your newspaper and they decide to print it. If you want them to withhold your name, you should put that IN WRITING with your letter and have the newspaper agree to withhold your name.

example #2

An Open Letter to Religious Leaders

From participants of the "Is Nothing Sacred?" Retreat for Women Survivors of Clergy Sexual Abuse, held on August 21-23, 1998 at the Adelynrood Conference & Retreat Center, Byfield, MA." Retreat for Women Survivors of Clergy Sexual Abuse, held on August 21-23, 1998 at the Adelynrood Conference & Retreat Center, Byfield, MA.

We are survivors of clergy sexual abuse who have come together for empowerment and healing. Through the shared experiences of our life journeys we now understand that:

What we were subjected to was not sex education, an affair, a lack of judgment, a disagreement or a cultural difference. It was not a factor of your marital status, gender, or affectional orientation. Clergy sexual abuse is not about sex or romance nor is it limited to a specific type of touch. It is an exploitation of your professional status and a deep violation of your professional role. It encompasses emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse that has caused life long repercussions and has driven too many of us to the brink of suicide. Our choice has been to hold on and lead a violated life without justice, or let go and die. While you condone the abuse of your colleagues, we struggle with our own pain and that of our spouses and families caused by your abuse of power and trust. We hold you accountable for this victimization.

To enact on that accountability and to make right that which you have wronged, we want you to:

Enforce a stance of zero tolerance for sexual abuse of power and trust by clergy.
STOP recommending the reemployment of clergy known to be abusive.
Make decisions on the rehabilitation potential of abusive clergy grounded in state-of-the-art information and knowledge that has been peer reviewed by survivor/advocates.
Provide opportunities for people to be vindicated by witnessing their truth.
STOP name-calling us and threatening us. Consistently demonstrate that you recognize the dignity and status of women and the laity.
Acknowledge the harmful promotion of abuse and violence in scripture.
Fund training on clergy sexual abuse for existing sexual assault crisis services by trainers who are acceptable to survivors.
Mobilize resources for healing when learning of disclosures of clergy sexual abuse, rather than silencing victims.
Provide full disclosures of accusations to Search Committees
Develop educational programs for congregants and Search Committees with content that is acceptable to survivor/advocates.
Empower healing by financing services that survivors themselves have identified.
Advocate for state licensure of pastoral counselors.
Require continuing education in ethical conduct for clergy and pastoral counselors.
Develop rules and guidelines for accountability of clergy.
Demand accountability in pastoral counseling.
Require psychological screening for admission to seminary. Include an assessment of the individual’s concept of and ability to deal with power. Require such screening for clergy accused of abuse. Assure that such screening is provided by appropriately licensed professionals who are not employees of the church.
STOP the ordination of individuals who demonstrate a propensity to abuse their position of power and trust.
Provide an annual report on the health of the ministry or rabbinate which includes statistics on:
- the number of complaints received
- the number of complaints investigated
- the number of voluntary resignations associated with complaints
- the number of lawsuits initiated
- the number of complaints withdrawn
- a summary on the disposition of cases adjudicated or settled.
Annually review your code of ethics in light of state-of-the-art knowledge and the lived experiences of survivors.
STOP putting the responsibility for maintaining your professional boundaries on us.
STOP colluding with your abusive colleagues.
STOP the cover-up of this massive systemic victimization.
We know that you have heard this before. We recognize the difficulty in overcoming the reinforced patterns of abuse from our historic past to the present. We have faith in the transforming power of love and that change is possible.

We are acting to empower ourselves, each other and our religious communities. We are not alone and are bonded with survivors who have gone before us and with those who are unable to speak. We call on you to join with us in the endeavor to end the suffering of survivors by openly discussing the issue and committed right moral action within your community. None of you are bystanders and all of you are responsible to advance healing. Contact us to let us know how you will act on our manifesto. We are looking forward to your response.

In Faith,
Women of the 1998 Adelynrood "Is Nothing Sacred?" Retreat

This retreat is not affiliated with AdvocateWeb.

foxfire1137 said:

Also, is there anything I can do legally since it's been over 10 yrs?

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Your best bet is to accuse your local Catholic church leader.