Silly question but... is SPANKING ok? - California

CA

My wife and I were just talking about this last night. Her daughter (my step daughter) is 4 years old, a mostly well behaved child that I believe in spanking for some disciplined at times. She is starting kindergarten and the last thing we need is for her to say to a teacher that she was spanked and it causing us trouble.

Thank you in advance.

MikeRobinson29 said:

CA

My wife and I were just talking about this last night. Her daughter (my step daughter) is 4 years old, a mostly well behaved child that I believe in spanking for some disciplined at times. She is starting kindergarten and the last thing we need is for her to say to a teacher that she was spanked and it causing us trouble.

Thank you in advance.

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My response:

The days of "swat paddles" and "slapping" and "spanking" are over. On January 1, 1987, the ban against corporal punishment in California public schools took effect. It defined corporal punishment as, "the willful infliction of physical pain on a pupil," and proscribed it with the words: "No person employed by or engaged in a public school shall inflict, or cause to be inflicted, corporal punishment upon a pupil." As further clarification, the legislation stated that, "physical pain or discomfort caused by athletic competition or other such recreational activity, voluntarily engaged in by the pupil, is not and shall not be construed to be corporal punishment."

There never has been, and probably never will be, a definition of corporal punishment that doesn't stir debate. The American College Dictionary, 1953 Edition, defines corporal punishment as "physical injury inflicted on the body of one convicted of a crime, and including the death penalty, flogging, sentence to a term of years, etc." The California Education Code, 1990 Compact Edition, Section 49001 defines it as "the willful infliction, or willfully causing the infliction of physical pain on a pupil."

IAAL

Thank you IAAL for your time. I was also wondering sure that it is safe to spank our child in our home.

MikeRobinson29 said:

Thank you IAAL for your time. I was also wondering sure that it is safe to spank our child in our home.

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My response:

You NEVER strike a girl. Never, never, never. I don't care if she's on her way to becoming the new "Ma Barker" - - you don't ever hit a girl of ANY age!

There are other methods of discipline.

IAAL

I concur halfway...and would add, you NEVER hit a child. Period.

If you have to resort to physical violence then you're teaching your children that violence is a solution.

It's not. Period.

As IAAL said, there are many other options. If you're not looking for them, you're settling for the easy way out. And raising children isn't easy.

That sounds like an opinion rather than legal advice, but thank you.

Is there any legal information on the subject of spanking your child at home? - California.

Yes, it's called child abuse and there are a number of statutes in California that deal with it.

I'm letting IAAL deal with you. Because you're not even looking for options, just excuses to beat the child and get away with it.

Interesting opinion you have. If that is what you declare I am looking for then so be it.

If spanking were child abuse then my parents should have been locked up 35 years ago. But they weren't, they were successful in raising 7 children, 4 of which are entrepreneurs, 1 of which is a med student, another a pilot, and well, what can I say about the last one, he is MIA. And speaking of which, he is the youngest of us all, and was treated with the LEAST amount of "child beatings" as you so call them.

Please, give me a break on the spanking issue. If there is no legal advice that can come here but rather opinions based on such little information you have from someone that posts a question then I consider myself done with this thread. I do enjoy this forum and have had some great bits of information on other subjects but the next time I shall look elsewhere for similar information.

Thank you for your "opinions" t hough. Have a great day.

I think we need to clarify "spanking". Are we talking about a swat on the butt when mis-behaving and time-outs are not working? Are we talking about using a belt or wooden spoon? Or are we talking about going all "JC" on the poor kid with a wire hanger?

I was brought up in a household that spanked - both with a hand and with a belt. Having been through it myself, I know that I would never take a belt to my children's behinds. However, I DO believe (and I'll probably get crucified for this, but...) that even the threat of a spanking (with one's hand) can provide discipline, provided that the child knows that you will follow through with it. Some people say that time-outs and such work just as well, but I know from my own experience that time-outs did squat, and that a spanking was usually the only thing that made me behave.

But that's just my opinion, and like I said, I'll probably be crucified for it, but c’est la vie.

-Christina

I'm talking about swats on the but when time-outs do not work.

Yes, we believe in time outs and they work quite well with a 4 year old. Her greatest fear is having a time out in public. But there are times when a little more intensity is needed.

And I'm only talking about maybe ONCE A WEEK at most.

I too was raised with hand and belt, not always, but in severe cases, and it worked - but I would NEVER take a belt to my daughter.

It is unbelievable how some of you jump the gun on posts - as if you are sitting there waiting to pounce your irrational opinions on someone when given the chance, and a half ass chance at that.

Opinions are the cheapest commodity on earth, everyone has them and are willing to give them away for free - but let's at least give them when they are warranted.

go ahead and flame IAAL

this is not legal advice because i am not an attorney in any state, just a parent. i have to children and have found out that you have to deal with each child differently. i have 2 boys from 2 women and they are VERY different people. my oldest son, 10, can be punished with a look and finger wave then his behavior changes, my youngest however needs more stern methods, he usually has "stand on the wall" nose in a circle and both are followed by talking with them about what they did wrong (which i think the beleive is the worst part f the punishment LOL). while i don't beleive in spankings (like most of us over the age of 30 i was raised by the belt) if that is what it took to teach my children vital lessons, gender not a factor, then i would do so.

p.s. try using the term bonus daughter instead of step daughter because she is a bonus to your life not a step to stand on or walk over.

Re: go ahead and flame IAAL

mykidare#1nmyis said:

like most of us over the age of 30 i was raised by the belt

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hey now - don't age me! my husband and his brother are 27 and 26, and my sister and I are 22 and 26 - and we were ALL "raised by the belt", so to speak.

Gobonas99 - does this mean that we should all go ahead and turn our parents in for "child beating"

Seriously though, I appreciate the discussion that this has turned into.

I feared my Dad's hand and the belt yet respected the hell out of him. He was my best friend growing up and till the day he died last year.

The difference in his belt or spankings was that I could also talk to the man. If I every was in trouble and came to him first and talked about it, there were no punishments, no belt, no anything - because he taught me to take responsibility of my problems and come to him first before he found out about them.

I find it hard to believe that he would have been considered a child abuser by some of the people on this board.

MikeRobinson29 said:

Gobonas99 - does this mean that we should all go ahead and turn our parents in for "child beating"

Seriously though, I appreciate the discussion that this has turned into.

I feared my Dad's hand and the belt yet respected the hell out of him. He was my best friend growing up and till the day he died last year.

The difference in his belt or spankings was that I could also talk to the man. If I every was in trouble and came to him first and talked about it, there were no punishments, no belt, no anything - because he taught me to take responsibility of my problems and come to him first before he found out about them.

I find it hard to believe that he would have been considered a child abuser by some of the people on this board.

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My response:

Mike, you're a male, and so am I. We were, apparently, both brought up under the "same" belt. However, by today's standards and laws, yes, BOTH of our fathers would have been accused, tried and convicted for child beating. Laws have change since you and I were children - - and have changed dramatically!

Also, there's a REASON why I mentioned only "girls" in my response to you. First, being male, you are a lot stronger than most women - - and certainly your stepdaughter. Second, if you REALLY understood human physiology, you'd understand why little girls shouldn't be shaken, struck or otherwise jolted.

Speaking from a purely physiological standpoint, females really are the "fairer, and weaker" sex; i.e., you wouldn't want to be responsible for a detached uterus, would you? Additionally, you could damage her hymen.

Third, you'd have her father to deal with if he didn't agree with your "methods".

Fourth, if someone actually saw you strike your stepdaughter, you might get a visit from the police and / or by "Child Protective Services." I don't think you'd enjoy that "E-Ticket ride".

I understand what you're saying. But, in today's litigious world, and also due to a better medical understanding of the differences between girls and boys, I hope your "mind set" changes.

IAAL

Now that was a good reply IAAL and I appreciate the opportunity to look at things from a different perspective - and an intelligent post to my question. You have made some good points.