What can legaly happen

What is the name of your state? Missouri
my boyfriend over punished my son while i was away for a few hours left a bruise/handprint on face my sons father reported it to the dfs they investigated said my boyfriend needed to attend parenting classes or my son was not allowed back around him no charges have been pressed because they felt it was not serious enough to press charge anotherwords was a serious mistake not criminal intent
anyhow i want to go back with my bf i trust him and feel he will never harm my son again if my boyfriend decideds against parenting classes and i go back with my son what can happen?
thanks
deva

mattdeva said:

What is the name of your state? Missouri
my boyfriend over punished my son while i was away for a few hours left a bruise/handprint on face my sons father reported it to the dfs they investigated said my boyfriend needed to attend parenting classes or my son was not allowed back around him no charges have been pressed because they felt it was not serious enough to press charge anotherwords was a serious mistake not criminal intent
anyhow i want to go back with my bf i trust him and feel he will never harm my son again if my boyfriend decideds against parenting classes and i go back with my son what can happen?
thanks
deva

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My response:

We just went through the same type of problem, but the poster WAS the stepfather. I'll be damned if I'm going through this again - - especially so soon after that other thread.

Use the search function, and use stepfather as your search word. You'll locate it.

IAAL

so you want to go back with your boyfriend even if he doesnt take the parenting classes? You live with this guy?

How about this, you let your son live with his dad and then you get to be with your boyfriend. It's obvious you would rather be with your boyfriend than protect your son.

what can legaly happen

i will put it to you this way my boyfriend whom we have lived together 8 months has nver hit or mistreated us in any way he has treated jake better then my sons father and one time he over displined my son i know in my heart and gut that he is very sorry for what happened and will never do it again i love this man and my son is very fond of him dont my bf deserve a second chance? or should he be branded a child abuser only after one time? people say if you do it once youd do it again not if you learn from your mistake the first time anyone whos been a parent/stepparent knows how easy it is to get out of hand and spank your child to hard or smack him to hard anyone whos ahd a child knows how frustrating it can be you can learn from your mistakes and next time keep your anger or aggravation in check i know ive learned and i havent took parenting classes

so you support his decision not to attend parenting classes? Does he have any children of his own?

Oh ya, he is a child abuser if he abuses only once. You dont get freebees for child abuse.

Second chances?? Not when it comes to the safety and well-being of my children.......sure, it might not happen again...but if it did what's to say it wouldn't go farther....that your son may even pay the ultimate price for you to be with your b/f? Is that really a risk you are willing to take with your child's life?
To answer your question -- if you choose to violate the court's order (that you not take the child back around b/f until he completes the course) then your ex would be in VERY good standing to have the child in his full custody based on your choice to endanger the child and violating the court order.....your visitation with the child would likely be VERY limited and supervised........still think your honey is worth the risk?

i dont support his decision not to go i think its better off he does for all of our sake, but im not going to give up on him if he dont also im taking my chances with any man im with how in the heck do you protect your child do background checks and even if he dont have a record of any sort how do you know for certain your child is safe have at your side 24 seven? the one reason i stay home with my child and dont send him to daycare is because you hear all these horror stories of abuse in daycare centers. i jst have to trust my instincts and i think my instincts tell me that my bf has learned a very good lesson he has to much pride in him to do this again for the fear of being in trouble with the law
people say go with what your heart and mind and that what i plan to do
there is NO COURT ORDER telling matt to stay away from jake there has been NO CHARGES FILED he HAS NOT BEEN ARRESTED the sheriif said he felt if it was seriuos enough and it was a criminal intent then he would have arrested him on the spot he took statement from my bf sherriff felt like he was very sorry for what he did and was very upfront and honest about it! this is not just a ordinary case were a man smacks a child just because he simply over punished my child if i felt any different i would have pressed charges myself and been long gone and wouldnt have gave a look back

Since your ex was concerned enough to report the incident, expect that he will next file for custody based on your b/f's decision not to take parenting classes and your decision to stay with him. That's certainly what I would do. It's very possible that a judge will take a dim view of your choices, and award the father custody.

Sorry, but the fact that he is refusing to take parenting classes should raise huge red flags in your mind. That you'd still rather take that chance with your son is appalling.

Abuse can happen anywhere, anytime, and by anyone. He has already shown you what he is like and what he is capable of, don't ignore it or you could lose custody of your child.

well i definetly would fight that because my ex jakes father is an alcholic and id be damned if i let jake go back to that why do you think i left him he abused me he didnt just hit me once well he did and i gave the excuse oh he was mad hell never do it again wrong! he put me and my son both in danger because he drank all the time and was a violent drunk jake would be in alot better hands with me and my bf then he would be in his fathers house, not to mention jakes father wont submit to a paternity test and wont pay child support so you tell me would jake be in better hands with a man that has never laid a hand other then one time he over did it and other wise has been very good to us and treated jake very well or should i let him go stay with an alcholic father who is irresponsible oh yeah i know that questio0n the only thing is i know my bf will never strike my son again

mattdeva said:

i gave the excuse oh he was mad hell never do it again

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uh huh - and you're saying what, now? Same thing.

i know my bf will never strike my son again

And this is different from what you said about your ex... how?

That the father won't submit to a paternity test means only one thing - he has accepted that Jake is his son. No court will hold that against him.

But hey - do as you like. Just don't come crying when he files and/or wins custody.

So you'll fight so your alcoholic ex doesn't get him, but you keep him in a situation where his safety is at risk? I don't understand that.

How do you know that your bf will never do this again? Did he promise? If you believe him, you're stupid.

You need to get rid of the abusive men in your life and concentrate on your child. That's the only way you'll know that he is safe.

momself said:

You need to get rid of the abusive men in your life and concentrate on your child. That's the only way you'll know that he is safe.

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Bears repeating.

so you start as single mom with alcoholic boyfriend and have now graduated to abusive boyfriend. Jake is sure lucky.

Why is your boyfriend even disciplining your child? Until you and he are married he is just a legal stranger. You do have a wedding date, right?

Why dont you start looking for a job to support yourself without depending on abusive men? A licensed daycare is way better than your choices in men so far. Some companies even have on-site daycare facilities.