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Is living together a requirement of marriage?

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Elisa Pardo

Guest
What is the name of your state? Texas

First of all, I do not want a divorce. But I want to live apart from my husband for 6 months, basically just for my health. He is so negative, and I feel so much better when we are apart (a lot of history here).

I realize there is the possibility that I will like it so much that I will not want to live together again. It is my understanding that living together is NOT a requirement of marriage.

I do not want a divorce because of my spiritual beliefs, and I will require that he spend 1 and a half hours a night with our daughter, age 6, Monday thru Friday. He will have her on Saturday, and I will have her on Sunday. This way, she would not be affected, and I do hope that she will see a new, upbeat mom to inspire her.

I'm not looking for another husband, and I wish to keep my "married" status.

Thank you for any light you can give on this matter.

Yours,
Elisa
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What are his thoughts regarding your proposed arrangements?

And expect that your daughter will still be affected.
 
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Elisa Pardo

Guest
reply to Stealth2/what are his thoughts

Well, he just doesn't take it seriously, he has no reply because he seems to think I'm just talking nonsense. Kind of like flies buzzing in his ears. So I think he won't believe it till it happens. This is the general theme: no response.

I agree, my daughter will be affected, and already has been. I think it is quite important for her to see that there are certain minimum standards of respect which she also should expect from others, and that you do have the choice of removing yourself from an unacceptable situation. But she won't understand that until she's much older. For now, she needs a daddy in her life. We don't see him much more time than I outlined, so I think the impact on her will be minimal.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Here are the problems I see w/o even thinking about it.

(a) He can file for divorce no matter what your beliefs, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it. I wouldn't discount his doing so.

(b) You can insist all you want on his spending X amount of time with the child daily, but the fact is that you have no power to enforce it. He might, he might not.

(c) Unless you get a legal custody/visitation order, he can take her for the 1 1/2 hours or the day on the weekend - and he doesn't have to bring her back to you. Legally he has as much right to her as you do.

I think you need to spend some time really coming up with a viable plan, including speaking with a local attorney to see what you can do legally.
 
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cyana

Guest
I agree with everything Steath said. Basically, you need at least a "Legal Separation" to protect yourself. And even then, you will most likely not achieve what you desire.

Read
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/texas.shtml
very carefully.

If you proceed with what you want you could find yourself divorced by your husband in as little as 61 days (assuming you do nothing to contest the divorce) by the Texas version of "irreconcilable differences", which is the first "no fault" action or after three years of living apart, which is the second "no fault" action. I think that is what your suggesting you might do. The 61 days is from the date of filing for divorce assuming your husband has met the residency requirement.

Not trying to scare you... just to get you thinking on how rapidly your husband could possibly move if he wanted if got irritated enough at your proposal.

If your religious beliefs prohibit divorce try to talk your husband into a "legal separation". Keep in mind that your husband can divorce you anyway through "no fault" actions 1 and 2. And along with that, he might get custody of your child if she is under 14 years old (14 is the age apparently they get to choose which parent they live with under TX family law).

You may want to talk some kind of counselor if you and/or your child have been emotionally or physically abused.

Take care.
 
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Elisa Pardo

Guest
Yes, thank you, I have thought about the possibility of him divorcing me, which does not bother me in the least. As long as I am not the one doing the divorcing, I have done my part regarding marriage vows. But this is very unlikely because he has the same kind of beliefs.

In the highly unlikely event of him divorcing me, my only real concern is my daughter's support and her inheritance, should he marry another woman later. But this is rather theoretical.

I do see what you mean about him having as much right to our daughter as I do, thus the need for a legal separation and custody/visitation order. Now, that would really bring things out into the open.

Cyana said, " . . . you will most likely not achieve what you desire." What do I desire? As you can probably tell, there's just not much left of our marriage, which began to seriously decline after the birth of our daughter. On our last wedding anniversary, I gave him a framed photo of a ship on the bottom of the sea. I had used that metaphor before to describe our marriage. He looked at it, said, "I understand," and I told him that I won't go along with his "band-aid over a gunshot wound" approach, and then we just had dinner like usual. I've gotten used to this. A very serious matter is brought up (by me) . . . and ignored.

So I can't really desire anything more than to get on with my life as best as I can, and I have a lot of very positive things I want to do (Montessori school networking, for example). He has no interest in my hopes and goals, and that is the negativity that I need to get away from. Will he improve and learn to be responsible for his own happiness? I don't know. But I can't waste any more emotional energy on this.

That's all I can say for now.
 

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