Child Abuse---Help me, please!

Missouri

I read an article that said that children could sue for wrongful abuse accusations. I was wondering if a child could sue for the authorities not doing anything about it. How many years does a child have before nothing can be done? I was sexually abused from 1st through 3rd grade (ages 6-8), and when i told in 5th grade, they said nothing could be done. And some said that he didnt do it because he said he didnt do it. I am 19 years old now, and he still gets unsupervised visits with my 12 year old sister in his home, a few hours away from her. And while I dont think he is going to do anything to her because she is his real daughter, and i was just his step daughter, it still makes me uneasy. Is there anything I or anyone else can do now? Please help me with this if you can.

hey...i can pretty much relate to what your saying from the time i was 4 til about the time i was 11 the same thing was going on with me i had to go to counseling and all that i told them finally after years what was going on....i think when i was about 12....well my mother already knew and was like in denial or something and did nothing about it. Anyhow some kind of report was made and my mother refused to let me go to court so nothing came of it ...he wasnt charged or anything and he even admitted to it. Well about 18 months ago i decided since noone else did anything about it i was grown now (just turning 21 i think) and i was gonna get something done. Well i went downtown to the police station and talked to a sex crimes detcetive who basically put me right back to where i was by telling me it had been 10 years and criminal charge wise there was nothing i could do. i said all i wanted to get done was his name on a sexual offenders registry at least...she said it wont happen unless he does it to someone else and they charge him...it saddens me that thats what it takes...for someone else to go through hell for something to be done...so now i dont just livw with my own pain....i will have to live with the fact that because i couldnt get anything done.....someone else maybe alot of others are at risk. Anyway she said my only other option is to take him to civil court and sue him...but i mean i dont care about getting money and he still probably wouldnt go to jail and wouldnt not to labeled as a sex offender so whats the point. We need to seriously have these statues of limitations changed. Oh i forgot she did say the 10 year limitation drops if they used a weapon such as knife, bat, or big stick or something like that. Belts, switches , brooms and various other things are not seen as weapons which is B.S. if you ask me. The only other thing i can offer you is...Im here if you need someone to talk to about ANYTHING.....just holler ...oh and where in missouri are you ...if you dont mind my asking.

i almost forgot my point

with everything going 90mph in my head i almost forgot my point lol. do not think for one minute he wouldnt do anything to you sis, just because shes his real daughter. I mean the man is sick enough to do something to a child in general...and you were supposed to be cared for by him like you were his daughter right? anyway the man obviously has no morals in the first place so dont doubt he wouldnt do it to your sis....i dont want to give you bad news and make you feel worse about the situation...and yes it is only an opinion i dont know it to be factual...im just saying if hed do that to a child in general.....it just makes me think...he could do that...why not....grrr someone seriously needs to do something with these people. Take care of yourself,

*Kristen*

i live in west plains missouri right now...but at the time i lived in branson...the police were friends with him if i remember correctly. I really dont think he has done anything sexual to my sister, because she has had 3 girls do that already to her....they were her best friends at the time, and she didnt hesitate to tell someone. they were at school, and she went straght to the teacher, then told the principal, and then told my mom when she got home. So i dont think there is a problem with her not telling if something did happen...but as for emotional abuse, i think he does that.....his new wife does anyways, and she has him pu$$y whipped...he does whatever she wants, and they are mean to her (not picking up the dog crap all month, just waits till she gets there, and makes her pick it up by hand...has gloves on, but still!!) And a couple of times ago, when she was supposed to be down there for a week, she went to sleep one night, then got up the next mornign, decided she didnt want to be there anymore, packed up all her stuff, then went and told them to take her home....the did, but on the phone later, he said that it hurt him and his wifes feelings, made it feel like she didnt want to be around them.....said it to my real mom, and she repeated it like in disbelief.....and i grabbed the phone, first time i talked to him since 7th grade....and told him he was a worthless jack@ss and if he didnt see what his relationship with his wife was doing to him, then he didnt deserve to be around my sister....and then i told him how did he think it made her feel, always bein treated like $hit.....no wonder she didnt want to be there, with them always throwin a guilt trip on her when she did somethin they didnt like.....it really made me mad....then i didnt give him a chance and just gave the phone back to my mom.....my little sister loves him alot....she knows to look for even touching that seems accidentally, cause we told her around the time she turned 12 this august what he had done...no wait...we told her in july... but she still knows to look for stuff like that, and she said she would, so that is good...we had to tell her, because he keeps saying he is gonna get custody of her, because my mom and sister live in a homeless shelter (pretty nice apartament for bein a homeless shelter hahahha) and my sister was crying cause she didnt want him to have custody of her, and if he tried, all the sexual abuse would come up again, and we didnt want it to come as a shock to my sister...
oh well, thank you very much for your offer of some one to talk to, it helps alot, even to get all this out in writing!!!

Thank you very very much

Brittani

Hi - I just skimmed through these threads because they were quite long - and I know it's tough to get everything you want to say in a small paragraph. This will probably be wicked long too.

I think someone mentioned that your sister would still be in danger of being sexually molested by her own dad since he is sick and the sickness knows no boundaries. I agree.

As far as pressing charges on the authorities, I think it had to do with the fact that your Dad knew the cops and they're not going to believe a kid. BUT you have to prove that, and that's nearly impossible at this point, but if you are close to your sister and can relate to her like a blood-related sister (like she wouldn't go back and tell her Dad that you and her spoke about this), I'd try to get her to open up to you and see what has transpired in her visits to her Dad. It may take some time, but if there's something wrong, and she trusts you (which is hard to do when these issues are at hand) she may spill the beans if anything's going on.

And if there is, now you have more firepower to go to the authorities and begin the process of pressing charges against him - your sister would also be in the mix though, so you'd have to make sure she's willing to go the length as well.

Going back into the threads, I see she's been through more than just Dad - other girls and the abuse she gets about the dog crap. This is awful for her to put up with at any age, but at her age, just unbelieveable!

If you have any way you can try to get her legally out of that mess, please help her. You will also benefit, hopefully, because you may get a chance to tell your story also. At that point he may lose his ability to see her, but she'll have the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders. Your mom has rights too, even though she's in a homeless shelter - and if she's providing a better homelife for her even in those conditions - she should be able to make some grief for him. Has anyone ever thought of taking pictures of the yard when she goes over there? What's the house itself look like? Hiding a camera somewhere on her and she can take pics of the yard while they're not looking or while they're sleeping, maybe take pics of the house, if it's a messy house, etc. This will all be evidence against him if he's looking for custody - but the biggest downfall would be if it's brought up that abuse is in the air in that household he provides. It's the best defense you both have. Just because you're 19 now, doesn't mean you can't make noise over this. Look at all the stuff happening with the priests and allegations of sexual abuse in the churches across the nation.

Please, make noise on this for both you AND your sister. Forget the authorities and possibly try a youth advocacy program or even the YWCA can help you find places to call. Your local Attorney General's office can give you phone numbers too. If they do, make those calls and keep on it until you've found the right department - the best thing you can do is NOT GIVE UP!

People like this need to be put in their place, and if that place means a jail cell, then so be it. It'll make 'em think!

Good luck!

Her dad and step mom are always telling her things that hurt, like telling her im not really her sister, and talking trash on my mom and I. They also tell her that she cant do anything, always telling her she is fat.....told my mom that if her grades dont improve, then she will be taken away from her....stuff like that, and when her grandpa (his dad) died she went with them to texas....(had to sit in a little truck all the way there with them, poor girl) she was tapping her pen trying to think of something to write, and the step mom held up her fist and told her that if she didnt stop then she was gonna punch her in the mouth and knock her teeth out....scared the crap outta her, she had to sit inbetween them without moving or talking much all the way there (she was 11 at the time, and she has ADHD.....so what they were asking was nearly immpossible) they also wont let her take her medicine for ADHD while she is with them, then says mom hasnt brought her up right cause she is unruly and talks back...that is why she is on the medicine!! she is really hard to control when she isnt on it...but they still think it is all moms fault, says my sister doesnt really need the medicine!! it is horrible, i think i will try to call around to see what can be done....btw, when we told her what he had done to me, and told her that if he tried to take him away from her, then we would bring it up in court...we were also talking about taking away his partial custody, either giving him none, or supervised visits, and we asked her if it was ok with her, she said that if it meant that she couldnt be taken away from mom or me that she was totally ok with it....

thank you for your post, it helped me...

Brittani

bnwaggoner said:

we were also talking about taking away his partial custody, either giving him none, or supervised visits, and we asked her if it was ok with her, she said that if it meant that she couldnt be taken away from mom or me that she was totally ok with it....

Click to expand...

Easier said than done. You would need proof of abuse, neglect, etc for this to happen. Having to clean up after the dog with gloves isn't gonna qualify.

My son had an attention deficit disorder (he paid attention okay, but couldn't sit still for his life!). Knowing how my son was and how sometimes he'd just stand up on his chair in school when he was little - I'm sure it was kinda funny to watch but embarrasing for him - I can just imagine what she was going through - NO ONE can sit THAT still for THAT long! (My son grew out of that problem later on - he's 26 now and a great kid - love him to death!)

I'm glad you're able to talk to her about this and I'm glad she's understanding. I don't think you'd be able to remove her Dad from seeing her altogether unless the abuse is such that she fears for her life - but I'm sure supervised visits would be possible and I'd push for those. It'll make his wife back off too! You also have to get your Mom more involved with your sister's school work. It will only help her and keep her with your Mom. Courts don't go on who's telling the truth and who's not - they look at hard facts and make their determinations by using the laws and the facts before them - so Mom has to work hard to prove she's on top of your sister's school matters, regardless of what her living situation is so your dad doesn't get the upper hand.

My ex was abusive to me and it started going to the kids when they were your sister's age (my son/12) and younger (my daughter was 8 when I left). When he started in on them it was definitely time to leave. He wasn't sexually abusive, but having the kids see him hit me and leave marks was enough for me to call it quits.

Well, I'm glad that this helped a bit. It's alot to have on your shoulders, but don't give up - you're doing a great job it seems and know that there are others out there who will and can help - it just takes time to find them unfortunately.

I was an only child, but if I ever wanted a sister, she would have been strong like you! Good luck, honey, and keep the faith!

Easier said than done. You would need proof of abuse, neglect, etc for this to happen. Having to clean up after the dog with gloves isn't gonna qualify.

Click to expand...

My reply:

A picture's worth a thousand words, stelth2. Living in filth is sometimes justified as abuse as it creates a health hazard. (Not in all cases though). From the other responses I've seen of the original writer, it appears that there is evidence of abuse - it just has to be brought out in the proper way to stick in court. This, as you say, will be easier said than done, but I think the original writer has the tenacity to get the job done. She just needs to find the right people to help bring out the truth in court. Her sister's own testimony will hopefully be one of those truths.

wow our lil threadhas gotten awefully big brittani lol. i am so glad you are getting to vent on here. it looks by just all the writing youve done that you have lifted a lil off your shoulders. its nice to know there are people we can relate to and give possitive feedback to you instead of just the usual let downs. and i would like to add some more of my 2 cents-yet again lol. i really think that something can be done about the way they are treating your sister i read somewhere.....and as soon as im done posting this im gonna look for it so i can come back and post it, that verbal abuse...and emotional in the state of missouri(misery as i call it) is child abuse and can be charged as such. i dunno if its even something you guys are thinking about or are interested in pursuing but...just thought id put it out here for your thoughts. and you know...i know its $hitty some of the things weve gone through and that from all weve been told theres nothing we can do......well phuck them cause even just by putting our thoughts out on here.....we ARE doing something...and even if we cant help ourselves(getting the law on our side) if we help justone other person....or as many as we can we HAVE done something....even our stories...or advice..and our feelings for others to read hear...know about is SOMETHING.....so never close your mouth or put down a pen or quit typing...its a great start

i know how ya feel and at least yer not alone.....grrrwhich is abad and a good thing i guess ;-)

*Kristen*

statue of limitations missouri

maybe thiscan help too...im still looking for the other thing im gonna post
Statute of Limitations

The law provides that for most crimes, criminal charges against a person must be filed within a certain time period. This time period is referred to as the "Statute of Limitations". The general rule is that charges for misdemeanors must be brought within one year of the date of the crime, and charges for felonies must be brought within three years of the date of the crime. Some crimes, such as murder, forcible rape, forcible sodomy, robbery 1st degree, to name a few, have no Statute of Limitations and may be filed at any time. The Statute of Limitations for sexual offenses committed against children under the age of 18 is that prosecutions must commence within ten years of the childs 18th birthday.

Please be aware that there are some exceptions to these general rules. As a result, if you are aware of a crime which may be affected by the statute of limitations please consult with your local police department or prosecutors office.

The Statue of Limitations can be seen at http://www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C500-599/5560036.HTM
and
http://www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C500-599/5560037.HTM.

Links to other agencies or groups which work with victims of sex crimes and child abuse:
Missouri Division of Family Services
Child Abuse Hotline - 1-800-392-3738
Children's Advocacy Services of Greater St. Louis
St. Louis Regional Sexual Assault Center
Missouri Coalition Against Sexual Assault
St. Louis Children's Hospital
Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA)
National Children's Advocacy Center
Missouri Office of Victim Assistance
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

whati was talking about earlier

this might go hand in hand with your him not letting her take her medication and the fatcomments and otherthings....see emotional abuse below...i just posted the rest...i dunno justbecause take care...til next time...

*Kristen*
There are four different types of child abuse.

Sexual Abuse: rape, molestation, prostitution, incest, or sexual contact with a child or using a child for any form of sexual exploitation including making sexually explicit videos or pictures. This is probably the most underreported form of child abuse.

Physical Abuse: inflicting physical harm by beating, hitting, punching, kicking, biting, burning, or any other act which causes physical pain. This type of abuse can be caused by over-discipline or punishment that is inappropriate for the child's age and size.

Child Neglect: failure to provide for a child's basic needs, whether physical, educational, or emotional. These can include refusal of or delay in seeking health care, poor nutrition, abandonment, expulsion from home or not providing shelter, and inadequate supervision.

Emotional or Mental Abuse: includes inattention to a special educational need, chronic or extreme spouse abuse in the child's presence, permission of drug or alcohol use by minors, and failure to provide needed or prescribed psychological treatment. This form of abuse can cause serious disorders and ranges from extreme forms of punishment to making fun of a child's appearance, medical conditions, or handicaps. Belittling, scapegoating, mind games, threatening, ignoring, shaming, and name calling are all types of emotional abuse.

omg....lt me get this straight....if stuff like forcible rape and sodomy (does that include forced oral...like say a child is forced to do it?!?) happens before the child is 18, then you have 10 years....when the child is 28 to get something done?!?! That will help alot!! I will have to call the numbers you gave, to see if i can really do something about it!! And the emotional abuse sounds familiar too....

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brittani

i cant guarentee anything but hey doesnt hurt to try. Maybe the saying is true afterall......when one door is shut...another one opens......try try and try again. Persistance can get you everywhere. Iam still trying to understand why im told there is nothing i can do...i mean im 22 soon to be 23 and i would figure i have until im 28?but they tell me its been too long lmao...baztards. i think they really advocate abuse...instead of trying to prevent it and get something done about it when it has occurred ahhh well.....i havent given up anyhow and plus it makes me feel better to help out other people whove been there if i can. so your gonna call huh....good luck girlie i hope it is good news i hear....err read about it.....definately keep me posted.

*Kristen*