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domestic violence victom and accused

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Lorri24

Guest
What is the name of your state? sc

After 13 years of periodic physical abuse and daily mental abuse I had had enough and called 911 after my husband shoved my around and verbally attacked me in front of my 11, 8, 1 year old children. When the police arrived i was told that they could not remove my husband from the home unless i wanted to press charges. This time i had no marks on me , but my husband did on his arm from when I tried pushing him off of me. He told the police that he didn't want to press charges either. He did start accusing me of all these things one of which was writing bad checks on purpose and I never did that. I did write 3 checks and had them postdated because they were for the childrens doctor visits. The officer believed him and turned around and started lecturing me that i could go to jail and he wouldn't listen to me explain. He said i was irrational and that i needed to calm down. When i pleaded with him to listen to my side. He said "i warned you now you are under arrest" I waived my rights to a appointed lawyer because i thought my family would hire own for me. Wrong! So I couldn't pay one and i was lead to believe by the police and court that i couldn't have a court appointed lawyer because i waived my rights, so i had to represent myself. I faced a $1,000 fine and/or 30 days. I didn't know what to do. By then I had asked the officer what options i had and after several in depth conversations about my situation, he felt bad that he had to arrest me. so, he said that he would speak to the judge and ask him to waive any fines/or jail time if i plead guilty. He never explained that a cdv was a felony or that it would be on my record for the rest of my life and how hard it would be to get a job. All he said was that i would not be able to hold a gov't position that required carrying a fire arm. I don't like guns so i thought that's not a big deal. 6 months later having applied to 20 jobs, not one interview. I am well qualified. Since i feel they took advantage of my situation. Can I get the charge changed, or can i do anything at all? My husband and i are still living together, but i am getting ready to file papers for seperation, custody and support. Until a good friend help me to see how battered i was -emotionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!i never new how bad it was . I was severely depressed and began medication, which helped me to get better. i feel that my emotional state, low-self esteem and not being able to cope with my husbands abuse anymore are should be a factor in this case. What does anyone think. Please help.:(
 


Bigfoot

Member
I recommend you first contact your local dept. of social services and/or mental health in order to begin getting counseling. Twice in your letter you indicate that you will be leaving your husband, however, you have not developed an action plan. In other words, how do you plan to support yourself and your children without a job and without a place to stay? Even if the courts determine that your husband is to pay child and/or spousal support, those decisions take time that the rent collectors and creditors are not interested in. They want their money for services provided.

The cdv charge may not be related to your inability to get a job. With the number of job applicants for every possible job being high, I doubt that the potential employer is conducting a background check on every applicant. Usually its done only for those who they interview or plan to interview for a job.
 
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Lorri24

Guest
Bigfoot-you are right about a plan. Since it is fairly recent that I have come in to my own power and not allowing him to control my feelings anymore, I am waiting to hear from the local Legal Aid Service to find out what options I have. As for getting a job, I'll go waitress again if I have to. I had wanted to go back to school to get a degree since most of my office experience is due to business courses in HS and on the job exp., but we will see. I hope you are right about not hearing anything back from my my job applications. I'm going to keep trying I haven't given up or anything. After Legal Services can advise me what I can do and how to go about getting it done, i hope to talk my current landlord into accepting Section 8 if it is available. If not, we still own our house in NY that is being purchased from our tenants within the next year. I believe that if my husband is to stubborn to do this, my father -in-law will give me my portion of the sale of the house in advance because he wants whats best for the welfare of the children. I guess I'll just take one step at a time. I don't want to do anything rash, and I do have some friends that as a last resort I can move in with for a time. I no it sounds stupid but I have a history with my husband and he is a victim of his parents relationship and bitter divorce. they say children live what they learn and even though my father-in-law is the most mellow of men and you just couldn't imagine him being violent, from what I understand from family is that we are headed down the same path as my husbands parents. He needs help. And i hope the stronger i get and detatching from him he will admit that he needs some help. more recently we were both arrested for Cdv because i called the cops to arrest my husband for violating his bond restrictions and harrassing me at my home. Since we have agreed to go to family counciling, we wanted the court to know that we have not had any more incidents since Feb. '03. We were able to make a deal that if we both took Anger Management once a week for 26 weeks the court would drop the charges. If not once again I would have a 2nd cdv when i was not the one making the marks. he did it to himself and said that i did it. Please let me know if you have any more advice for me.
 

bubbly602

Member
The average wait

for approval for section 8 in most places is 12-24 months. Admittedly, I'm in a different state, but when I was thinking about moving awhile ago, this was one thing I checked into. However, there are other options. Check with the housing authority to see if they have any type of public housing system. Here, this program will set your rent based on your income for up to 5 years. They do this so that people can go to school. You were saying you wanted to go back to school. This might be the way for you to do it. Check with your local Salvation Army as well. The one here has a program like that. If you could let me know what county you live in, I could try to look up and see what might be available. Hope to hear from you, I'd like to help you out if I can. I've been where you're at, and it's a scary place to be. Either way, good luck.
 
L

Lorri24

Guest
:) thanks for your info, signing on to these forums, and some of the chat rooms is all so new. But i can't believe how good it feels when you hear from people that have "been there before", it's kinda like an extended family. I live in Spartanburg Co., city of Landrum, SC. I'm looking into the public housing in Landrum, i'm not sure if there is any openings. I dont want to move the kids out of the school district. We moved from upstate NY 7 years ago. No family here or anything, it was for my husband's work, i love it here especially in landrum. My 9 year old also is having a hard time right now. He's in counseling, started taking an anti-depressant so i don't want to distrupt more than necessary. All these signs that i never saw because i was so far down, depressed, but didn't realize it because i was happy around everyone else but my husband. But now my eyes are open and i'm trying to do everything possible to change the situation without upsetting the kids unnecessarily. Thanks
 

bubbly602

Member
So far I haven't found a whole lot, but here are the numbers fir the Spartanburg County Housing Authority:

Housing Authority of Spartanburg
864-598-6000
864-598-6155

I would first suggest giveing the a call, asking what kind of programs they have available, and what your options might be.

Also check out www.affordablehousingonline.com

I have to go do homework now, so I won't be able to look for more for the next couple of days, but this at least gives you a place to start. Good luck, keep us posted
 
J

JEXT

Guest
You got what you deserved. Women like you need to be in mental institutions.
 

JETX

Senior Member
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
C C Colton.

Well, they say that the weak often try to imitate their masters, usually in an attempt to hide their own shortcomings. And it looks like another fan has taken to try to imitate me on the forum.

He is using the name JEXT.

Enjoy it while you can.... your time is short.
:D :D
 

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