Husband wants to adopt my daughter.

What is the name of your state? Missouri
My daughter's father was not determined by DNA tests and so I am not really sure who her father is. I was also raped around the same time I became pregnant.

Is it possible to have my husband adopt my daughter without knowing the name of the father? How can I get this done without paying a fortune in legal fees? My in-laws are willing to pay for the adoption but I don't know where to go next. I would prefer not to have all of the circumstances of my pregnancy brought out in court. I especially do not want my in-laws to know about the rape.

ClueKeeper said:

What is the name of your state? Missouri
My daughter's father was not determined by DNA tests and so I am not really sure who her father is. I was also raped around the same time I became pregnant.

Is it possible to have my husband adopt my daughter without knowing the name of the father? How can I get this done without paying a fortune in legal fees? My in-laws are willing to pay for the adoption but I don't know where to go next. I would prefer not to have all of the circumstances of my pregnancy brought out in court. I especially do not want my in-laws to know about the rape.

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My response:

What is the purpose of the adoption? Why are you bothering?

If you want to keep your "secret", then stop "rocking the boat" because you'd have to identify the potential father(s) of your child if you go ahead with the adoption. The biological father has a right to "parent" his child if he's not willing to terminate his rights.

So, unless there's some dire, specific, immediate purpose - - and I can't think of any - - then leave well-enough alone.

IAAL

Not really a dire need, just more convenience. My daughter has my maiden name. Whenever I talk to people about her (i.e. school, other cases where I have to give my married name and her last name is different) people look at me confused. I would really like her to have the same last name that I have now and be a part of the whole clan.
It just simplifies matters. In Missouri, I had learned that a newspaper ad had to be posted in adoptions where the other parent is not known. That ad serves as a notice to all interested parties in the state who might have a say in the well-being of the child being adopted. The only thing is that the folks I had talked to said I needed a lawyer to have the ad posted (costing an extereme amount of money).
Is there a way I can have the ad posted and then petition to the courts for my husband to adopt her?

Okay, lets try this again. In order to do what you are trying to do, you would need to name EVERY person who could possibly be the father and have each of them tested to remove them from the 'possible papa' list. Then, if you were to find the person, you would have to allow them into her (and your life) since they have the exact same rights to her care and custody as you do. Then, you would have to get his permission to allow HIS child to be adopted. Does that really sound like it is worth it to remove the 'stigma' of your situation??

What if I don't know who raped me? Have no idea, no clue, don't want to live through that again.
I just want our names to be the same.
Is it possible to do without a lawyer? Plain and simple.

My response:

Okay, so there's no real "need" to adopt. The only reason you have is "convenience" and "pride". Your husband would be a complete FOOL to adopt your daughter. The legal ramifications to him would make him scream in agony if the two of you divorced, and in the event of an adoption and later, a divorce, he would have an opportunity to obtain custody - - or at the very least, visitation. So, even YOU really shouldn't do this - - and the "secret" would come to light sooner or later anyway in the adoption process.

Therefore, here's a simpler, and quicker, solution to your need for "convenience" - - file a Petition for Name Change with the court. Anybody can change their name - - but doing so doesn't mean she's "adopted". There's no need for the adoption.

IAAL

Alright. If you think a petition for a name change will do it, I will do that. Who knows? The state might just be dumb enough not to care about the paternal father.
As for my husband, although we were not together when I became pregnant, I have known him for 15 years. We have only been married for 5 1/2 years. Our daughter is 10 and he has been there since she was born. He has always cared about her and me. It is only logical, that, in the event of my death, which will eventually happen, he should be her guardian. I want more than my will to say that he has a right to be that guardian.
As for the rest of your response, I don't see how you guys can all be so cold hearted. You seem to think that no one has feelings. If I ask a simple question, the motives behind it should not matter. I want a straight and simple answer and get very little back but negativity. At least some of the BB's on this site have been helpful, kind, and often funny. This particular legal BB, though, is horribly rude.

If you thought the responses you received were rude, you haven't spent a lot of time reading this site.

I don't know about your state, but I know in Delaware if you do not know who the father is or you do not know where they are located you file your paperwork with the Court and let them know at that time you do not know how to locate the father. They then give you paperwork and you pay roughly $20 or so to place an ad in one of their local papers for one week. The father then has 20 days to respond to that ad, and if he does not you are free to pursue whatever you want without any further attempt to locate the other parent. I understand why you are wanting to do the adoption, and I personally see nothing wrong with it. Although, it does mean your husband will have financial obligations in the event of a divorce to this child since he will become the legal parent. It also means that he could pursue custody or visitation. Please make sure you think this through carefully and that this is what your husband and you both want to do. And the child since the child is old enough to know what is going on. It doesn't cost much to file the paperwork and run the ad (if the process is the same in your state). In Delaware it would be underneath $100 total. But I would recommend you try to retain an attorney to complete the adoption paperwork as this is something you want to make sure is done correctly so it does not come back to bite you in the butt later. Good-luck

afmom:
Thanks for your kind words. I will take them to heart and see what I can do first on my own. I will talk to an attorney as soon as I have time I can get away from work.