emotionally abusive marriage - how do I best get out?
What is the name of your state? Montana
My husband and i have been married for just over a year, but have been together a total of four years. I have recently found out I am pregnant, even though I was taking steps to prevent it because I did not feel my marriage was stable enough to welcome a child. My husband has always been selfish and somewhat mentally abusive - a fact that has had me diagnosed as seriously depressed and in counseling. However, since I have become pregnant, he has gotten even worse. A week after I found out about the baby, I got laid off from my job. I am getting unemployment - about half of what I had been making - and he has a really good job where he makes alot of money, but it just isn't enough to pay all the bills. We have a joint checking account, but he takes the check book everyday and now he is hiding the spare checks from me. I have my own car - which I had before we got married, but he drives it to work everday and while he leaves his two trucks home, he hides the keys to them so I can't leave the house. He pays all of his bills first, and if there's money left over, then I'm allowed to pay mine. When we fight, he always makes me out to be in the wrong, I cry and then he yells at me for crying. Before we got married and up until recently, he had very poor credit and I had excellent credit - everything we own was financed because of me, I am the primary on all accounts and he is secondary. Now, I can't pay my credit card bills which I ran up trying to support us while he was out of work before we were married. I refinanced my car so we could buy our house and cashed out 3,000 dollars of equity so he could pay off outstanding collections and judgements against him. I am at the point where I know this can't go on. I have tried to get him into counseling with me, but he won't go because "he knows he treats me wrong and they'll tell him so" - his own words. I haven't got any money or anything of value - his name is on the title of my car for insurance purposes and everything else I have bought during the marriage. I am having trouble finding a job now that I am expecting and I have no reasonable hope of being able to keep the house or my car if we divorce. What I am concerned about is my child - if I have a boy, I don't want him to grow up with a father who will teach him to treat women this way. And if it's a girl, I don't want her to think this is how woman deserve to be treated. I know her controls me and that he has alot of fault in the failure of this marriage - how can I ensure that he bears the responsibility and I don't come out homeless and destitute? I am so scared and feel so hopeless. Anything anyone can suggest would be very welcome. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What is the name of your state? Montana
My husband and i have been married for just over a year, but have been together a total of four years. I have recently found out I am pregnant, even though I was taking steps to prevent it because I did not feel my marriage was stable enough to welcome a child. My husband has always been selfish and somewhat mentally abusive - a fact that has had me diagnosed as seriously depressed and in counseling. However, since I have become pregnant, he has gotten even worse. A week after I found out about the baby, I got laid off from my job. I am getting unemployment - about half of what I had been making - and he has a really good job where he makes alot of money, but it just isn't enough to pay all the bills. We have a joint checking account, but he takes the check book everyday and now he is hiding the spare checks from me. I have my own car - which I had before we got married, but he drives it to work everday and while he leaves his two trucks home, he hides the keys to them so I can't leave the house. He pays all of his bills first, and if there's money left over, then I'm allowed to pay mine. When we fight, he always makes me out to be in the wrong, I cry and then he yells at me for crying. Before we got married and up until recently, he had very poor credit and I had excellent credit - everything we own was financed because of me, I am the primary on all accounts and he is secondary. Now, I can't pay my credit card bills which I ran up trying to support us while he was out of work before we were married. I refinanced my car so we could buy our house and cashed out 3,000 dollars of equity so he could pay off outstanding collections and judgements against him. I am at the point where I know this can't go on. I have tried to get him into counseling with me, but he won't go because "he knows he treats me wrong and they'll tell him so" - his own words. I haven't got any money or anything of value - his name is on the title of my car for insurance purposes and everything else I have bought during the marriage. I am having trouble finding a job now that I am expecting and I have no reasonable hope of being able to keep the house or my car if we divorce. What I am concerned about is my child - if I have a boy, I don't want him to grow up with a father who will teach him to treat women this way. And if it's a girl, I don't want her to think this is how woman deserve to be treated. I know her controls me and that he has alot of fault in the failure of this marriage - how can I ensure that he bears the responsibility and I don't come out homeless and destitute? I am so scared and feel so hopeless. Anything anyone can suggest would be very welcome. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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