Child support after adoption?

What is the name of your state?

I live in Missouri, where the divorce took place.

Eight years ago, my ex-wife and I divorced. We made an oral agreement to reduce the court-ordered child support I was to pay(to 1/2), as her income was better than mine at the time, and we felt it unfair. Over the years, she has never asked for me to pay more and I have paid the agreed upon amount expeditiously.

Last week, her attorney contacted me and informed me that her husband (the guy she had the affair with and caused the divorce in the first place!) wishes to adopt our son. The attorney further stated that they would seek the difference of nearly $30,000.00 in child support that I would have paid if her and I would not have made the agreement. I know that this can be done without effort. He went on to state that they would increase my support in the future if I did not agree to this adoption.

Due to extenuationg circumstances, and to make a long story shorter, I have little contact with my son. A few phone calls a year and exchanging cards on holidays, personal contact about twice a year.

My question is this: If I agree to the adoption, and once the adoption is final, can my ex-wife seek the difference in the child support I paid over the last eight years, and the amount ordered?

Any help in this matter would be appreciated... thanks

Yes, she can. Those are arrears that are owed to her, and only she can forgive them. It's unfortunate that you made an unenforceable agreement with her, which put you in this position.

But even more sad is the lack of relationship with your son.

I may be wrong here and stealth can probably say if I am, but I would think that her attorney was proably hinting at the whole child support thing from what you said.
If don't sign the papers, we will go after the 30,000 and increase your future support. I would think that he is saying, if you do sign they will drop the CS issue all together.

I believe that if you make sure it is in the termination agreement that she can not come after back arrears in the future, then you will be protected.

chat

get it in writting. make them write about the oral agreement you made before so later they can't try to get the money anyways. it is very sad that your son will have no part in your life but it is your choice,..hope your son can be happy with the new father.. i personally would find a way to not pay and keep my son my children come first..they didn't ask to be here!! Good luck.

i understand your concern about the money owed but you should consider your son. if you give up your rights to him it is like he never existed to you. maybe you should look into getting your own lawyer. a verbal contract is just as binding as a written one. as a rule of thumb i always get everything in writing.

katimiajosh said:

a verbal contract is just as binding as a written one.

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Except any agreement the parents come to does not trump the court order. The ONLY thing which can change a court order is another court order. Anything else is unenforceable.

maybe, but i know where i live my husband and his ex have an order and the court has it written that it may be modified if agreed upon by both parties. they did not put it there the court did. maybe it depends on the court and where you live.

katimiajosh said:

maybe, but i know where i live my husband and his ex have an order and the court has it written that it may be modified if agreed upon by both parties. they did not put it there the court did. maybe it depends on the court and where you live.

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(I'll give it a shot, IAAL )

Any court order is modifiable. By another court order. If the two parties agree to do things differently, the court's not going to jump in and stop them. But the agreement is not enforceable (written or not), and if one of those two parties later decides to back out of the agreement - the court order still stands and governs the situation. It has nothing to do with where you live - if you want to change a court order AND have it enforceable, you MUST have another court order doing so.

All that would have been required, get it in writing, signed off my both parties (notorized) and get the courts approval. That would have modified the original order and kept this all from being a problem.

pssst, Ambr - this thread is over a year old.

stealth2 said:

pssst, Ambr - this thread is over a year old.

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I noticed that after I answered it.

Was running a search on Missouri and adoption.

Please forgive me.

Was a blonde moment.