minor child giving up baby

What is the name of your state? Arkansas

My husband found out his 15 year old daughter had a baby two years ago that she gave up for adoption. He does not have custody of his daugher, but has kept his child support up to date and has paid for yearly visits. She lives in Texas. My question is is there any way to contest the adoption since he was never informed of the pregnancy? Is there a minimum age that a child can legally consent to an adoption without parental involvement?

rockmama37 said:

What is the name of your state? Arkansas

My husband found out his 15 year old daughter had a baby two years ago that she gave up for adoption. He does not have custody of his daugher, but has kept his child support up to date and has paid for yearly visits. She lives in Texas. My question is is there any way to contest the adoption since he was never informed of the pregnancy? Is there a minimum age that a child can legally consent to an adoption without parental involvement?

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His 15 year old daughter had a baby 2 years ago....so she was THIRTEEN when she had the baby?

I do not believe that your husband has any way to contest the adoption. The adoption is for the mother and father of the baby to decide. So...unless your husband was also the father of his daughter's child who was not informed of the adoption, then he cannot contest it. If I were you, I would be glad that my 13 year old child had the maturity to give up a baby that she knew she would not be able to properly care for and give it the chance to be raised in a financially secure, two-parent household by people who want to be, and who are ready to be, parents.

-Christina

And if he COULD reverse it, then what, he wants to take this two year old away from their current parents? And raise this child himself and get them all the grief counseling they will need after removing them from their home and familiy?

Here is a link to a summary of TX adoption law:

http://www.adoptionsolutions.com/general/state laws/tx_law.htm

You will note the following under "consent":

Consent to Adoption
The written consent of the following people must be given:

1.
both natural parents;

2.
a managing conservator (a person or agency who retains all of the
rights, privileges, duties, and powers of a parent to the exclusion of other parents) if one has been appointed; and

3.
the adoptee who is 12 years of age or older, unless waived by the court.

THe parents of the parents, even if minors, are not listed as parties whose consent is required.

Thanks for the reply. Actually, she's 17 now and was 15 when the child was born. Our main problem with this situation is that we were never given the opportunity to raise the baby ourselves and we were wondering if there is any law that says we should have been given that opportunity. It seems to my husband that the only rights he has as far as his minor child goes is financial and that's where it ends. It just doesn't seem right.

Does he have a visitation agreement? Has he been making sure it is enforced? Who moved away? If ex, did he take any legal action to prevent the move or make her financially responsible for the cost of having the child visit him?

rockmama37 said:

Thanks for the reply. Actually, she's 17 now and was 15 when the child was born. Our main problem with this situation is that we were never given the opportunity to raise the baby ourselves and we were wondering if there is any law that says we should have been given that opportunity. It seems to my husband that the only rights he has as far as his minor child goes is financial and that's where it ends. It just doesn't seem right.

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Well...it makes me feel slightly better that she was 15 when she had the baby.

Why would you want to raise the baby yourselves? Have you not thought about what that could do to your daughter? How much it could hurt her to see the child when she visits you? How much she could grow to resent you for it? And how do you think the child would feel when it finds out (and it would find out eventually) that the person it thought was its sister is actually its mother?

Your daughter showed maturity beyond her years when she decided to give the child up for adoption.

It has been two years. As nextwife said - even if you COULD reverse the adoption, you would REALLY want to rip this child away from its parents - the only parents it's ever known??

I would DEFINITELY sit down with your daughter and make sure is knows all about birth control and STDs and if she is currently sexually active make sure she is on the pill or the patch or something. But I would be proud of her for staying in school and being adult enough to want to give her child a better life than what she, as a single teen mother, could provide.

-Christina

Amen. She thought about a better future for her child than she could provide. Good for her.

And if the two of you want to raise a child together, please don't give up the idea - consider adoption. I know many adoptive parents who themselves have grown kids, myself included. They are wonderful, settled, calm parents and there is a whole community of them. My DH is 57 and I am 48. WE have a 6 year old daughter. She gets a lot more of our time than we were able to offer our respective older kids. Ours was an orphanage adoption and there are many tens of THOUSANDS of kids out there who need parents and have none.

No. Even as much as we feel a loss over not being a part of the baby's life, I don't think we could take the baby from a home it's known for two years. It's just hard for us to understand why he was not informed. Why it was not even required that he be informed. The relationship between my husband's daughter and her mother and us has always been good, but my husband was not given the opportunity to be there for his child during her most trying time. It only increases his feeling of helplessness and confusion over why noncustodial parents seem to have no rights, which I guess is a post for another forum.

How is it that it took him 2 years to discover all of this? Where was he during the 9 mos while she was carrying the child? If the relationship was so good, how is it he never knew she was pregnant? Something doesn't make sense here. Sorry.

It doesn't make sense to us, either. We've shed many tears and done some deep soul searching and have decided the best thing to do is to stand by the decision that was made and concentrate on helping my step daughter to heal. We have to get past the hurt we feel over being kept in the dark and just let her and her mother know that we still love them. We found out that the adoption is an "open" adoption and we can get pictures and updates on the baby's progress. Does any one know much about "open" adoptions?

rockmama37 said:

It doesn't make sense to us, either. We've shed many tears and done some deep soul searching and have decided the best thing to do is to stand by the decision that was made and concentrate on helping my step daughter to heal. We have to get past the hurt we feel over being kept in the dark and just let her and her mother know that we still love them. We found out that the adoption is an "open" adoption and we can get pictures and updates on the baby's progress. Does any one know much about "open" adoptions?

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My response:

Why are you "dancing around" the questions being asked of you?

The questions were, and still are, "How is it that it took him 2 years to discover all of this? Where was he during the 9 mos while she was carrying the child? If the relationship was so good, how is it he never knew she was pregnant?"

And, why do you want to keep torturing yourselves by seeing pictures of, and "updates" concerning, the child?

You folks obviously didn't care enough before, so why are you all of a sudden caring now?

IAAL

One of us is missing what the other is saying. Did Dad see his daughter during those 9 months? Did he not notice anything amiss?

IAAL obviously has no clue what it's like to have children that live hundreds of miles away. My step daugher has been to see us every summer and sometimes at Christmas. She came to see us the summer before she had the baby in late fall, but was not far enough along for us to notice. Her and her mother came and stayed with us this past summer, too. The problem does not lie with my husband. He is not a dead beat dad. He has always let his daughter know how much he loves her. The problem was not that we did not care, it was that we were not given a chance to care. Where was my husband? He was here where he's always been. Why did it take two years? We don't know. My husband's ex said she left that decision up to her daugher and if it hadn't been for a fluke, we still would not know.

The StepDaughter obviously wishes to leave that chapter of her life behind. That is her right and her choice. She knows her heart. She should not have been pressured to keep this painful reminder (that she may very well resent because of the situation with the father, whatever the circumstances of the conception happen to be) in her life. It is very possible she thought her dad may either push her to keep the baby, or want to raise it himself. So she remained silent.

THat may be part of the reason she chose to make a very responsible decision. It was hers to make. She did not need to decide to make an adoption plan. only to have her father trying to keep this child (and, by doing so, her relationship with the father of the child). She wanted to move on. Someday, when she is ready, she can have a family, hopefully AFTER finishing college and learning how to stand on her own two feet. After she finds a lifepartner who will be both a good father and a good husband.

The last thing she wants to hear is that Dad would have raised the child "if he knew". Likely she would not have wanted that, or is emotionally conflicted about her decision. She doesn't need to have it second guessed now.

Nextwife - As I said before, we have calmed down enough to realize the most important factor in this equation is my step daughter. We morn the loss of her own childhood and we do respect the decision that has been made. We have let her and her mother know this and we will move foward from here. We were just so upset over hearing this shocking news, we overreacted.