denied restraining order???????

What is the name of your state? california

I am absolutly shocked that after finally deciding enough is enough and filling out the 15 pages of reiterated information I was denied protection. I even included a picture of when my ex hit me (in front of my 6 yr old child). My ex is on drugs and just not in his right frame of mind I love him dearly honestly but can't be there to watch him kill himself being this self destructive. I have tried to support him and stay together but theres only so much you can do and when a person believes in a seperate reality it become apparent that there's no hope unless he wants it himself. I tried everything but getting this restraing order .....really! I wanted to work things out as adults and decide whats best for our child together despite our personal differences. He is absolutly gone mad and obsessive with me and the fact that I refuse to sleep with him he has gone off accusing me of sleeping with everyone under the sun and in his mind he believes this. Hating me has become easier then admitting we both were at fault for the dissolvement of our relationship but mainly his tendency to remain miserable and using narcotics and alcohol to support his pain had a major role in my termination of "us". I don't want it known that he is on drugs publicly and get arrested putting a tarnish on his record but he is forcing me to have no other choice. Evidently the fact that he has verbally threatened me, stalked my new friends, I have over 500 text messages of just imature irrational thoughts from him, harrassing my mom, neglecting our child except to question about me and my where abouts he hasn't ever even asked how she is doing in school or offered to get her shoes or supplies. I have to keep her over at my parents home for our safety if she lives with me he has every right to know where I am. I also just moved in to this live in elder care job its fairly new and if its not a long term thing I would rather not have her bouncing place to place stability and consistancy is extreamly important for children. I also set her up there (i visit and call through out the week taking her on weekends) school is two blocks from their house and I thought he would have an easier time of maintaing a relationship with her if I was not present but he has seen her only three times (broke promises of more x) and all were less then 1/2 hr visits. Its killing me not to have her here with me everyday to put her to bed and do all the things I normally do for her. I have to work with a stroke patient with limited mobility I can't be gone for too long nor do i have the funds to go back n forth but i maintain a strong relationship with my child. Telling her that daddy is just unwell and he is just busy ......I don't want her thinking he is a monster or neglecting her on purpose. He has now threatened to take her ......he is seriously unable to care for her. I'm scared that all this I've done to protect her and care for her best interests will be now destroyed because I refuse to have comunication with him as he yells insults and claims to want to harm me. I can't believe the judge denied my request to protect my self and family he is quite violent lately. Order was denied stamped with a see in court dec 9th immediatly contact family services for parent mediation classes.......
uh its an unsecure building no protection what so ever and only two days a week to go so if we are ordered to attend this he will have access to me! what the....... theres got to be a way to apeal that denied decision.......do I need to be hit just a few more times? does he need to kidnap and tramatize my little girl more first???????
we broke up in feb ........ i've waited this long putting up with alot of bs you have no idea how much crap he's instigated!!! what do i do? I may even loose this job and place to live if i can't legally keep him away from me! I got it so I couldhave time to heal not get into another relationship.

My response:

It may be a terrific emotional catharsis for you, but to us, all of your emotional outbursts and editorials are just a waste of our time.

Please, edit your post to give us only a short synopsis of the facts, and your question(s).

Thank you.

IAAL

gee ty I appreciate the advice.

edited

how can i apeal a decision of denying a restraining order so that he is legally not able to come near me or my friends and family?

I am not over exagerating when I claim he quite violent and destructive without anything being done to him he is continually causing problems in my life. I am in danger and so is my child if he has just as much rights and control as I do.........

is that better ??????

What evidence did you provide the court?

Your post describes one situation of alleged actual abuse, when he allegedly hit you... Problem is did you report this to the police and use the photo taken by the police or was this just a home picture...because the proof would lie in that he actually is the one that caused you physical injury, or if it is a photo of an actual injury.

As you were just asked, what evidence did you supply the court?

no I couldn't file charges on him at the time I felt it would tramatize my child even more then she was. I didn't submit any of the evidence that I have except the picture along with the application. Which was quite lengthy itself, and had included facts of him stalking me, violent out bursts at my childs grand parents home, harrassing phone calls (which were reported to police) he has not been allowed contact with me but was able to visit the child if he composed himself and maintained his temper.

I have plenty of evidence supporting my real need of protection our mutual friends have written statements of concern
for my safety and his mental instability at this time providing contact information and agreeing to testifying on my childs behalf not just for me.....these are his friends.

he has threatened to come after me .......I understand there are alot of bogus claims of ex's playing stupid games ....I seriously am not .

was I soposed to submit all this evidence along with the application? I thought thats what the hearing was for. Can I apeal this and resubmit?

Without any evidence, how is the judge supposed to know whether your petition is legitimate or not? Normally you would submit your evidence along with the motion/petition. The judge reviews it prior to the hearing, and then the hearing is pretty much a yay or nay - for him/her to have to start looking at evidence only at the hearing would take forever. Whether you can resubmit or not may well be a matter of local/state law.

This is really one of the reasons I feel that if there is ANY way possible, people should have legal representation.

If you are in Orange County CA, contact the Family Law Facilitator at 714-935-8304. They can point you in the right direction. There's also a domestic violence center in most courthouses and they provide you with lots of advice and will file the proper papers for you....ask at the information desk at the courthouse. If not in Orange Co., call the local domestic violence hotline. I was able to have my granted TRO hearing transferred to another court, but I had police photos. My husband also filed a TRO against me in the first court and won, even after granting me a TRO....judges/commissioners are human and can be prejudice, as was mine, but I must advise you to keep it "short" in court or you'll just anger the judge. The family law facilitator is hard to get in touch with so you might have to go to their office at the courthouse. Their main concern is the safety of the child, but I feel they won't question your photo whether a home photo or police photo. Good luck and don't give up. Try for legal aid as a last ditch effort.

ok ty for the advice. I'll try the domestic violence resources in my county santa clara that he lives in and my child resides in. I actually live in another county just 1/2 hr away from them.

I have like files of letters he hand wrote to me showing his dilusion and destortion of reality as well as copied text mesages he sent to me and my daughters email box I set up after blocking him from mine. I guess the domestic violence rep will show me what I should submit and what I shouldn't. I hope!

thanx again for your suggestion I'll give it a try can't be worse then whats already been denied. I just hope I can get legal protection before the months end ......the hearing was set for dec 9th ........lot can happen in that length of time.

Document evrything you can which is both positive and negative so it shows that your are interested in the best interests of the child.

Of course, you already knew I was going to say that, anyway, huh?

yes thank you and your absolutly right ......I do have supporting documents and photos of happier times ...... my child draws her daddy all the time and I encourage that as well it helps her through this time. I just hope to eliminate the drama he seems insistant to cause in front of her she had nightmares for months when he hit me in front of her. She deserves better then this and I will try my best to think of her feelings first.

I found a domestic violence center actually close to where I live its walking distance wish I knew that before.