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Why doesn't the ALLEGED victim have a choice/say??

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dfantasia03

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Indiana

This is a very long story put extremely short for you: (not all details will be here, just the important ones)

A couple of month ago, my fiancé and I had a disagreement that ended up getting rather verbally loud. (this took place aprox 1 a.m.) We knew it best for him to leave for the evening. He gathered his belongings into a laundry basket, picked it up and went to walk out the door, but not before he tripped on one of my shoes, fell back against the wall and his elbow went into the bedroom wall making a small hole. While he was leaving, my kids came into the bedroom as he and I exchanged more words in regards to the wall. He then left.
As he was leaving, some of his clothes were falling out of the basket so I went out and started picking up some of the clothes. When I came back in the house, my oldest child handed me the phone and said "here, talk, it's 911".
In my haste, the 911 clerk asked if I needed a unit to be dispatched to my residence and I said "yes".
Less than 5 minutes later an officer showed up.
He came in the house. I was explaining to him what had just happed. He wanted to see the hole in the wall so I took him to the bedroom and showed the hole. The officer asked me if "Mr. Smith" had been drinking. I let him know that he had just a little. The officer asked me if "Mr Smith" was violent when he drank. I told the officer "Never, this has never happened before, we were just having a disagreement". The officer then asked me if I needed him to call EMS. I told him "No, there is no reason, I am fine, just mad and worried right now, that's all".
The officer went to his car for about 3-5 mins. Came back in and gave me a piece of paper with the cause # and his name. Left.

A week to the day later, someone from Protective Services called and asked how I was and if I had had any contact with Mr Smith. I told her that I was perfectly fine and that yes I had contact, in fact he is here right now. She said, 'Ok, if you find that you do need assistance, feel free to contact the police dept and they will guide you where to go'. I said "Thank you, however, I believe I will NOT need assistance, thank you anyway."

Heard nothing else for 2 weeks. Until we were talking with a friend of ours about him hopefully getting a new job with a well known company. He was told that they were going to do a background check. Our friend mentioned that we should call to find out if there is a warrant for his arrest. She said that a friend of hers went through something similar and the state ended up picking up the case. So, the next day, I called and found that there was a warrent. I let "Mr Smith" know of this.
We talked about it and contacted a attorney. We told the attorney that he was going to turn his self in and needed legal advise. He advised us when to go turn his self in and what to expect.

We went at the day and time that the attorney said. Mr Smith went to jail. Two days later we went to court. The state of Indiana talked to me just before court started. I told them that I wanted Mr Smith out of jail and let us get on with our lives. Everything was fine.
Instead, the deputy prosecutor motioned to have a "No contact order". The judge ended up agreeing. No one accept the attorney asked me questions during court. Not the judge, or the deputy prosecutor. The judge set forth the no contact order. Set the next hearing date. Set the bond. Over.

I bonded Mr Smith out of jail so that he could keep his present job and hopefully stride towards getting the new job.

A month goes by with my not having any contact with Mr Smith. I have a death in the family. One of my children had emergency surgery. Teens trials and tribulations. All of which I would have loved for Mr Smith to be by my side for... comfort and support and love. But that was taken from me.

We go to court again. This only took a maximum of 5 mins. The judge, deputy prosecutor, attorney, NO ONE asked me any questions. (I'm sorry, an assistant took me in a small room, asked me how I was doing. I told her that I wanted everything dropped and the no contact order lifted. She told me that the only way that would happen today is if Mr Smith pled guilty. I said "Plead guilty to what??? And possibly go to jail although he is innocent?? That will not happen!")

Since that day (a week and two days ago) I have called down to talk to someone at the prosecutors office in regards to this. I have left voice mails after voice mails. I want this thing dropped! It is hard on my kids, his kids (especially the one that lives with me), his ill mother, and US.
We are talking about a man that treats me unlike anyother man has ever treated me. Truly loves me. He cooks for me, paints my nails, runs my bath water, does laundry, romantic... the WORKS! He is all about love and FAMILY.
SO WHAT that we had ONE loud disagreement. Our kids are not used to being around loud disagreements. This is why one of them dialed the phone in the first place.

I am getting discouraged with the judicial system.
I feel like the State of Indiana is trying to be the 'alleged victim' in this case.
Though I understand why there is such hard laws for domestic violence. I support them for people that TRULY need them. But for cases like mine... leave us to our words... let us speak! Let us have a say!

Any advice, I would GREATLY appreciate!
I do not want this on his record either... he will not get his good job possibility.

Please help me with as much information as possible that I... me... the ALLEGED "victim" can do to get this whole thing dropped.
I just want to get him back into my arms, be back in his arms, move on with life... together.... forever.

Thank you!
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Unfortunately, the vast majority of DV victims do exactly the same thing - try to get it all dropped. Which makes the state very wary of dropping charges based on the "victim's" say-so. The fact remains that 911 WAS called and you DID request police presence. You're going to have a hard time now saying it was all a misunderstanding.
 

dfantasia03

Junior Member
Even if what is in the police report that is solely NOT what I said that evening?
(I know it will boil down to the police officers word against mine... right?)

For example:

Report: “Got in her car to access the garage door opener to get into the dwelling.
Me: No, he used his opener that I had given to him a few days prior.

Report: “She would not let him in because he always gets violent when he drinks”
Me: NOT true – I said this has never happened before (as I stated above in first post)

Report: “threw a small table at her” –
Me: NOT true – I have NEVER had a small table in my bedroom (where the disagreement took place).

Report: “She has pain and swelling to her head”
Me: SO NOT TRUE – The officer asked me if I was injured anywhere and if I needed an ambulance called – I said “NO…”

Report: “Threw the phone at the wall after taking from her – prohibiting her from making an emergency phone call.”
Me: Again, NOT true – I never even tried to call the police! My oldest child did AFTER he left.

Report: “Mr Smith fled the scene UPON officers arrival.
Me: WRONG! – He had been gone for approximately 10 minutes BEFORE the police came.

Report: “Through further investigation, I believe this statement to be true” (signed by another officer that was not here, and that I have not spoke to)
Me: No one other than the councilor I spoke of above called me and asked me any details of the disagreement. Heck, no one will even return my phone calls from messages I have left wanting to give my statement (to the prosecutors office). Good thing that it really wasn’t a ‘bad case’ or one of concern… I would be dead by now. Yet, the State of Indiana has “High standards against DV”. *umph*

I am sure you can see what the charges are from reading the clips of the report.


Thank you Stelth2 for your reply.
and
Thank you for listening.
 
R

reggi

Guest
All I can say is omigod! Please go to the Nicole Brown Charitable Foundation. Denise Brown is there and she will be able to help you. You should have a say in all of this, unfortunately, you asked for the charges to be dropped and they did not listen. Sounds like election time to me. fight it hard. Get documentation. Go to your assembleman's office. Visit the net. I am trying to fight something very similiar. Go to your local DV center and they will help you. Let me know what happens. Good luck to both of you. My thoughts are with you.
 
D

dyinginside

Guest
All I can say is..next time dont tell the police to come!

Problem solved.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Yeah, and Nicole Brown is certainly a poster child for what can happen when one doesn't press DV charges, isn't she?
 
R

reggi

Guest
nicole brown

stealth2
Yes, you are most definately right. You know something, I did not either press charges when my first husband beat me. I really can't explain it. I am still trying to figure that out. However, when someone is in that particular situation, all common sense goes out and the fear sets in. You are absolutely correct. She should have, as well as I should have pressed charges.:(
 

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