13 y.o. Nephew Accused of Abuse

Hello. I'm from Washington State. My sister recently learned that her son (13) has been diddling his sister (8), and a friend (10, 11?). My niece says this has been going on for two years. My nephew says it's been going on for approximately a year. There was no penetration, however he did threaten to kill my niece and her friend if they told. My sister is a foster parent and immediately called her worker for assistance in getting my nephew into counseling. Unbeknownst to my sister, the mental health professionals she was referred to called CPS on her and now CPS is threatening to have my nephew prosecuted and taken from his home. Except for the problem I just outlined, my nephew is a model child. He does well in school, he has never done anything remotely criminal. Now the State wants to come into my sister's home, handcuff him and carry him away like a common criminal.

My questions are this. Is it sexual assault if a 13 ''diddles'' an 8 and 10 year old? As I said, there was no penetration although he said he would kill they girls if they told. Furthermore my niece and her friend have not been traumatized. There's been no nightmares, no grades slipping, no sexualized behavior, etc. (2) Since the incident my sister has taken every possible step to keep my nephew and niece apart. She initially sought help for her son. As I said, he has no priors. How is it possible that the state can just rush in and take my nephew?
What can we do to stop them?

To me it makes no sense to jail my nephew, thereby traumatizing him and his sister. This seems like an attemp to criminalize a child and tear a family apart rather than get a boy help he obviously needs. I don't know what good could possibly come of taking my nephew from his family. That said, I also believe that if this goes forward the State will not stop at my nephew. I think they will try to take all my sister's kids away. I just need some advice on how we can fight this. Please help!

Thanks.

Well, the mental health professionals had no choice but to call CPS - they are mandated reporters of abuse.

And of course it's a sexual crime for a 13 yo to be fondling an 8 yo. It also wouldn't surprise me if the friend's parents were interested in having charges pressed against your nephew - I certainly would be. What about that child? You make no mention of her or any potential trauma. As for your niece, perhaps she's gotten good at hiding it, since her family seems more interested in protecting her molester.

Excuse me. I am my niece's family and I lived with my sister during most of the time this happened. We are invested in protecting my nephew and my niece, and have taken steps to do that. I am very insulted by your demonizing my nephew who is a 13 year old child. Make no mistake that my family is not condoning what happened. We have made it clear to my nephew that what he did is a terrible thing. At the same time we do not want to dismiss him as some sort of monster. What he did is a cry for help, and I'll be damned if I just sit by and let CPS destroy my family. As I said, taking my sister's kids from their home, seperating them from an intact family that loves them and placing them in foster care is going to traumatize them more than the sexual abuse. We may not be the freaking Cleavers, but we are a loving family. Now I want to warn anyone else who is going to respond to me, if you don't have any positive advice. DO NOT WRITE ME. You are not a part of my family and have no right to pass judgement on what is happening in my family.

He's 13, he can be criminally charged & probably will be. Depending on his classification, he could be forced to register as sexual offender for the rest of his life. I'd be shocked if she isn't charged with failure to protect as well.
This isn't diddling Lady, this was a continued sexual assault. He's a sex offender who coerces and then threaten his younger victims.
KAT

Take a look at little Warren Millet.

http://www.ci.renton.wa.us/police/sexlevl3.htm

I bet his family thinks he was a good, but misunderstood kid too. Your nephew KNEW damn right well what he was doing was wrong, that is why he threatened to KILL THEM.

If you don't like what is said here, then take your sob story to another forum. No way are we going to help you keep your nephew in a house where he molested his own little sister.

KAT

Then the best thing your sister can do for your nephew is get him a damned good criminal attorney, because he's going to need one. Counseling for your niece would also be a start. But I could almost guarantee that CPS will NOT permit him to stay in the house with his victim. And as kat said - it's very likely that your sister will be charged as well. So make that two attorneys.

My niece is in counseling, thank you very much. I want you people to understand that we had no reason whatsover to suspect from either of the kid's behavior that this was going on. They're good kids who have had no problems in school, no problems with their peers, no sexually inappropriate behavior (aside from the incident on my nephew's part). My sister is not a molester, has never been molested, she doesn't drink, she doesn't beat them. I mean this came completely out of left field. WE HAD NO IDEA. My sister has educated her daughter and son about inappropriate touching, etc. And has told my niece that if anything like this happens to tell us. If you can't see from a child's behavior or if they don't tell you, what the hell are you supposed to do?

From what we've been told the incident has only consisted of inappropriate touching. My niece and her friend were not held down or beaten from what they've said and there was no penetration. I am not trying to minimize the seriousness of this. I love my niece, and I love my nephew. Am I just supposed to stop caring about the kid and say to hell with him he's an evil rapist beyond help? Or doesn't he still deserve the love of his family and some treatment so he doesn't grown up to be a level three sex offender?

And lastly, since you people have the right to respond to my "sob story'' in the way you see fit, I too should be able to respond to you in a way I see fit.

Sure, he deserves the love of his family and treatment. But he also deserves the consequences of his actions. Unfortunately, that likely means criminal prosecution, because what he did was a criminal act. ESPECIALLY with the threats to both girls. He may not have beaten them or held them down - but he did put them in fear of their lives - that's as bad, or worse.

This is a serious problem, and one that is likely going to result in his removal from the home.

So be it. And if my sister is charged I imagine that her children will be taken away from her. So there's nothing we can do.
Thanks.

"Except for the problem I just outlined, my nephew is a model child"

That's a pretty big exception!

elle92 said:

So be it. And if my sister is charged I imagine that her children will be taken away from her. So there's nothing we can do.
Thanks.

Click to expand...

Sure there is - sit on your hands or help her find her son a good criminal lawyer as well as one for herself.

No legal advice

But I am sorry, you are minimizing what your nephew did to your neice. How could you want him to be around her? And even if there is no outword signs there is the emotional trauma of what happened to her. She knew it was wrong but was to scared to say anything. That is SO apparent from what you have written. I am not sure if he should be locked up but I do know that he needs to get help for what he has done and why he thought it was ok to touch and threaten these girls.

He knew what he was doing and to keep it quiet he threatens these babies. Grow up and realize that he needs to be out of the home and away from other little girls. And make sure you have an excellent counselor for your neice, she is going to need it.

If I am minimizing what happened as you all claim, the you are over dramatizing it, understandably, because you don't know precisely what happened. My niece has never cowarded in
knee-knocking fear of her brother and she has never hesitated to inform on him if he was doing something wrong. I know this because I lived in my sister's home for three years. I don't even know if I should bother telling you what happened because it will be twisted, you will claim I'm "minimizing'' what happened, etc. which is not the case. My sister says she doesn't believe my niece was quiet out of fear, but because she and her friend were
tantalized by the touching and they know as children these things are forbidden. I know, sounds like blaming the victim. I'm just telling you what I was told. No my niece does not seem to be emotionally traumatized in any way. She is the same happy child I have always known. No nightmares, no fear of her brother,
no acting up in school, grades high as usual. So what could be going on here? Could be that this experience was not as horridously traumatizing as you folks think? For the record, I too was diddled by an uncle who happens to be four years my senior. I was diddled by a kid down the street. This kind of stuff happens. Kids experiment. Doesn't make it right, but it happens. The trauma a child may experience is in direct proportion to the duration of the abuse, the force used, the level of intimidation and the inbalance of power between perp and victim, and of course the type of sexual act perpetrated. Not every unfortunate happening in a child's life leaves them with post traumatic syndrome and a need for extensive counseling, which no doubt you people feel I need because I'm in denial, right? I just want you folks to try and understand my point of view, because this is not a black and white issue of my nephew is a level three sex offender who is foaming at the mouth and my niece and her friend are helpless little victims terrified into submission. If it was black and white like this, it would be easy. I would be screaming for my nephew's head and, in all actuality, he would be gone from the house already. This has been a confusing, scary, traumatizing time primarily for the adults. Steps were taken IMMEDIATELY when we found out about this sexual acting out. Nephew and Niece are in counseling. My sister has received and is complying fully with a contract of supervision given her by CPS which stipulates, among other things, that her two daughters never be left alone with their brother under any circumstances. Nephew has received extensive punishment from his mother already, in addition to the shame of having the whole family know what he has done. Frankly, I don't think he should be prosectuted, and I do resent certain people on this forum who have been comparing him to registered, serial sex offenders. Because I know this child, I see this incident for what it is. A cry for help, not the act of some sort of bad seed who needs to be dragged away as if he were Gary Ridgeway.

Well

I think you need some serious counseling. Touching someone sexually and than threatening them is something to be concerned about. So Sorry you don't see it this way. I don't care if they were the same age he touched her and than threatened her life. To me that is screaming HE NEEDS HELP and so does your neice. She may not be acting out now and she may never act out, if it was traumatic for her, but she still needs help. And I am sorry but just because she acts like the same little girl doesn't mean it doesn't bother her.

You know what you are a lost cause you think this is ok than fine. But I am sorry it is NEVER ok for ANYONE to touch another human being in a sexual manner UNLESS it is consensual (sp?) and if they are of legal age to consent. And for you to think it is ok just makes me sick. To justify it in the way you are justifying it makes me want to vomit. I guess I could understand experimentation, I doubt it, but maybe if he didn't threaten to kill her if she told. You know who I feel sorry for is the neice. She is in this situation and noone wants to admit that she was a victim a victim of sexual abuse. There is no over dramatization when it comes to sexual assult. I am sorry you feel that I am overreating but I feel you are underreacting.

elle92 said:

Frankly, I don't think he should be prosectuted

Click to expand...

What I find most intriguing is how you have COMPLETELY ignored the OTHER little girl your nephew MOLESTED. That's really the word, hon. MOLESTED. Not "diddled". M.O.L.E.S.T.E.D. And a 13 yo with an 8 yo is NOT experimentation. Since it was ongoing for 2 YEARS, we're also talking about an 11 yo MOLESTING a 6 yo. Oh, I forgot, that would be a 6 yo who was "tantalized by the touching." That is simply sick.

Frankly, that you were also MOLESTED explains a hell of a lot.

If I was the mother of that other little girl, there would be absolute hell to pay. From the boy, from his mother, and from you (since you say you were living there at the time).

"Tantalized by the touching"..... That is just sick. Sick, sick, sick. No wonder this kid has problems.