• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

bio dads rights terminated & child is now adopted but bio dad is trying to see child

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

A

amy1981

Guest
bio dads rights terminated & child is now adopted but bio dad is trying to see child

What is the name of your state? PA

well here's my situation: my sons bio father "J" made no contact with me or our son "B". We, my husband & myself went to court along with J & his mom. Judge terminated J's rights & judge gave him 30 days to appeal it & he didn't. And my husband as now adopted B. Now J has become friends with my brother who still lives at home with my mom. And now J is now trying to show intrest in B is trying to talk my brother into letting him know when B will be there so he can show up at my moms house while he's there. My brother said no he can't do that. And now J has some pictures of B that he got while he was at my moms house. And J said if he can't keep the pictures of B then he will make copies of them & give the orginal ones back. Now maybe you guys think I'm being childish, but I DON"T want him having those pictures. I told my mom to have my brother get them back, & my brother didn't think it was a big deal that J has 4 or 5 pictures of B. I'm mean why when J had his rights & didn't uses them to try & have contact with B why now does he need to try & be in his live & why should he be able to get pictures now.? This is really bothering me. And now that I know that J is tring to sneek around behind my back to see B I'm going to tell B school teachers that if J shows up to pick him up that he is not to leave with him. Is their any I can do to try & keep J from getting any more pictures or trying to sneek around to see B? He has not said anything to me. Please I need some answers on what I can do.
 


H

hexeliebe

Guest
Is their any I can do to try & keep J from getting any more pictures or trying to sneek around to see B? He has not said anything to me.
Basically no. Him having pictures of the child is not illegal nor is it against the court proceedings.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
I'm in the process of TPR and step-parent adoption myself and here is what I have learned and my opinion of this situation. Legally it sounds as if bio dad is stalking him. Once the adoption went through he became a 'legal stranger'. Now, you did not mention the age of "B". Does son know that your husband is not his bio-father? Would he reconize bio if he saw him? I personally think especially depending on the age of the child you should sit child down... personally I think this should be done anyways regardless of age and explain the situation. This way if bio sees child and starts talking and making you out to be the 'bad guy' you already have your bases covered. I learned a long time ago to speak logically to my kids about their bio and it worked better then anything. Show legal proof of things if it helps so that your child understands your side. Now, again depending on the age of the child you may want to let the child decide if he would like to 'speak' to the bio. Under no circumstances would I allow bio with child alone and legally you don't have to. The only reason I say to let the child decide if he'd like to speak to him is so that this doesn't backfire back on you later in life and your child resent you for it. I understand your concerns... REALLY REALLY I do! The pictures that he'd obtained, how were they gotten? Was he stalking around the house and took them without anyone's knowlege?? Again, depending on the age of the child this is bounds you really want to watch so that your child understands. If after speaking to your child there is NO desire to speak to him or if he's a young child and you speak to bio about this and he continues to 'stalk' I would look into pressing charges for such.

I do have a question for you. When bio and you went to court for the termination did he contest it then? You say he had 30 days to appeal but was he there to contest or did he consent?
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I am in touch daily with many adoptive families. Bioparents and adopted kids both at times feel a need to connect. Adoptive kids want to know, or know about, their bioparent(s), and the bioparents crave seeing their child and knowing how they are doing.

While legally many bioparents have no rights, many adoptive parents recognize that their child may have a "need to know" and maintain a level of bioparent contact. That is your choice, but not at all unheard of. Actually. I know many adoptive parents who exchange letters, photos, or have meetings with their child's birthparent. You must decide this.

True, he had no contact for a period of time, but people "grow up" later sometimes. Perhaps read some of the books out there about adoptive kids and bioparent contact. There is much material to use as a resource. Especially by now-adult adoptees. Yes, true, you the biomom are still there, but that may not change the basic need a child feels to connect with their roots. It takes away nothing from their feeling toward their adoptive parent.
 
A

amy1981

Guest
the child last saw is father aug. of 2002 & that was the last of his bio father trying to make any contact, B wil be 4 yrs. in April. My husband the one who adopted B has been in the childs live since age 1 & always called him daddy even when J did use his visitation J would tell me that B would call him J not daddy. So I'm not sure if he saw J if he would remember him, but I don't think he'll know him as is bio Daddy. When we were at court he didn't want his rights taken away, he tired to make it look like I was liar, but he lost & he had 30 days to appeal but never did appeal it, so the Judge granted the termination. J was in the house visting my brother & asked if he could have the pictures & my brother said yea, cause he didn't think it was a big deal.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
MY child was dumped by biomom in her orphanage at just a few weeks old and no one heard from her since. Kiddo was 25 months when we adopted her.

I still recognize that my daughter may have a need to know about biomom (and biodad if he were ever identified) and have some contact, if possible. It is natural that many kids have that need, even if they were totally abandoned, as mine was.
 
A

amy1981

Guest
about the stalking, would it be stalking if J hasn't came in contact with him & just keeps asking those questions like to my brother asking him to let him know where B will be at & when so he can try and be there? He hasn't seen B has of yet. I'm just letting his nursery school know that J is now asking questions that way if he does show up at B's school they know not to send him. I don't know if J would be stupid enough to try & take him away from us or what, I'm just trying to be safe. I always thought that when my son was old enough & if & when started asking questions if he was adopted or about bio dad that then we would sit down & tell him. I don't believe he knows that adoptive daddy isn't is bio dad. B loves everyone, so I worry about him going with whoever, he just likes being around anyone.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
" I don't believe he knows that adoptive daddy isn't is bio dad."

A child should always know, from before they are lingual, if the parent(s) that are raising them are not their bioparent(s) (or as we'd say, the "Daddy who made you"). PLEASE do not "save" that tidbit of info untill the child is older. It is unfair to mislead them, many adoptive kids harbor great resentment for not always knowing the truth and discovering this later.

As to the preschool, etc. Warn them biodad is hanging around and that your child must be watched and not allowed to leave with anyone but you and your husband. But that is ALWAYS the case with a child. A young child should never be unsupervised by an adult.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top