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domestic violence won't stop-can I move out of state?

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EllieMc

Guest
What is the name of your state? california
I am divorced, have protective order, sole custody of our son, age 4, ex husband has supervised visitation with the county.
ex continues to violate the restraining order by calling and hanging up, being in areas where he knows I am, slipping me note through the county visitation supervisor, showing up late for specified visitaion time so that he can look at me and try to talk to me. I continue to file reports with the police but charges are always dropped. I was told that this wouldn't happen anymore becaue he has already been convicted on several counts of domestic violence, served some time, was released and is on probation. all of this related to mmy case. He has violated probation a number of times, violated the restraining order a number of times, most recently is facing charges of dui, another violation of probation, but for some reason the DA keeps either reducing charges or dropping them all together.
I have an opportunity to move out of state with my parents, and my entire family, who are very active in my son's life.
Under all of these circumstances how do I go about moving out of state and taking my son without breaking the law? or having to allow my visitaion with his father out of state?
I have to get away from this man! I am constantly looking over my shoulder and am afraid all of the time. Courts are no help at all in upholdiong punishment.
Please help me soon. Family is moving in june and I need to go with them and take my son. For our safety and well being.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Well.... You've got a problem. I'm not well versed in move-away laws, but you may have to get permission from the court to move your son out of state. There will definitely have to be some sort of modification to the visitation as you can't just decide not to follow through with what's ordered.

I would seriously suggest you find a way to at least have a consultation with a lawyer to find out what the options are based on your specific situation is. It's complicated enough that I wouldn't be comfortable going by what strangers on a web site tell you.
 
A few questions....

1. How long were you married?

2. How long ago were you divorced?(please provide date)

3. Was he convicted of CDV while you were married?

4. How long has he been on probation?

5. When was the protective order issued?...When does it expire?( please provide dates)

6. Approximately, How many police reports have you made( for DV) prior and subsequent to the divorce?

7. Approximately, How many times have have you called the "law" on your husband (for DV) prior and subsequent to the divorce?

.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

All of the above is irrelevant. The issue is moving away, not the DV. Our writer is using that as a justification, but she needs no justification.

You have a right to move away. If you run a search, by clicking on the search tab at the top, and type in "move away", you'll find all sorts of posts on this topic. Read the one's from California, and in particular, the one's I have previously answered.

IAAL
 
AWE..Hell y'all...I was being nosey I guess....I just saw something funny in her post.....It didn't quite stike me as being completely truthfull.(of cource They never "really" are) I have been there ...Done that!......And this statement bothered me:

I continue to file reports with the police but charges are always dropped. I was told that this wouldn't happen anymore becaue he has already been convicted on several counts of domestic violence, served some time, was released and is on probation. all of this related to mmy case.
I will explain after the OP responds...
 
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EllieMc

Guest
not really funny...

Thank you for your responses. I would like to hear more from you I AM ALWAYS RELIABLE. What paper(s) do I need to file to notify the state of CA of my plans to move to another state? Or do I need to?I ran the search as you suggested and although I found some similarities I still am at a loss as to what I need to do. I did call a local legal aid agency to see if I can get a lawyer at a sliding scale.They are sending me some papers or information or something. I went to the local court today and they gave me a packet of papers to fill out to relinquish the restraining order...that is definatly NOT what I am wanting to do. I did not file these. I re-explained what I wanted to do and they gave me a packet of papers to modify existing orders. After filling them out completly, making 3 copies of each and returning to have them filed and get a court date I was told by yet another court worker that that wasn't the way to go either and that she couldn't advise me on the matter. So, can you please tell me what, if anything, I need to fill out and file in order to have this happen. My custody papers state that I have sole legal and physical custody but that neither parent can leave Sonoma County. I'm not sure that I mentioned that. Thank you I AM ALWAYS RELIABLE for any assistance that you can give me.

As for you, StickeyFingers.....nothing about domestic violence is funny. I resent your comment on my truthfulness and the remark that "they never really are". Sounds just like the responses that the local police make. It just isn't kind to respond to a victim of abuse in such a demeaning manner. Therefore if you think that you need to judge me please don't bother to reply to my posts.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Re: not really funny...

EllieMc said:
I have sole legal and physical custody but that neither parent can leave Sonoma County. I'm not sure that I mentioned that.
No, you DIDN'T mention that. What it means is that you will have to petition the court for permission to leave the county. You'd be best served to hire an attorney to help you with this.
 
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EllieMc

Guest
Hi again. I'm getting nowhere at the courthouse here in Sonoma County. Just keep getting the run around. They keep telling me that I have to file papers in Family Law, then when I go there to get 'the papers', Family Law tells me that I have to go through Criminal Court because custody and support were ordered under the Domestic violence.
I AM ALWAYS RELIABLE...can you tell me what I need to file? You are the only one that posted that seems to understand my problem. I am ready to just move and take my son out of here. Ex goes to court for violation of probation in relation to the DV for drinking and for a DUI. Hopefully the courts will finally make him do his time in prison that they said he would do if he violated probation. Not much hope in me left though because he just keeps going and the court does nothing. If he does go to prison maybe then I can just finally disappear.
I want to do this the 'right' way....because I don't want to get in trouble for kidnapping and lose my son. I just can't find out what the 'right' way is and I have no money for a lawyer but too much money, it seems, for legal aid.
PLEASE HELP ME?
Thanks,
Elaine
 
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oberauerdorf

Guest
slipping me note through the county visitation supervisor,
I will let IAAL answer as to the court filing. However, in your original post I was struck with the above.

1. Have you taken the no-contact order to your county visitation supervisor or is he/she aware of it? If not, make a copy and shove it under his/her nose. And inform them that the next time they pass a note to you from your ex, they will be added to the complaint you file.

If they are not aware of the order, MAKE them aware of it. And also inform them that if they receive any further notes they are to inform you but to hold the notes as they will be subpoenaed to testify as to the violation.

IF they know of the order they should be fired IMMEDIATELY.

The next step is to have your parents help you to find an attorney to file the petition to amend the custody order to allow the moveaway.

This is not something you are in any condition to do alone.
 
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EllieMc

Guest
Thanks for your reply. Yes, the visitation supervisor is aware of the restraining order, I gave them a copy when supervised visits began. When I brought the note passing episode and the constant late arrivals of my ex and his attempts to talk to me to her attention I was told to "grow up". I know...this sounds crazy and one sided and sometimes I even wonder myself if I am wrong...but then my parents remind me that a restraining order is just that and that it means NO CONTACT. Trying to get anyone of authority to recognize that is my problem. And without those in authority following through on their own orders I continue to just try to maintain my own agreements, like making sure our son is at visitation. I have just had enough of the constant fear, and looking over my shoulder. This opportunity that my parents have opened for me sounds like a dream come true...a new life...without fear. I wonder how much it would cost to just run it by a lawyer? I don't even know who would be a good lawyer in my area. (Sonoma County, CA) Any suggestions?
Thanks again.
 
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oberauerdorf

Guest
Then you need to do that, run it by an attorney. And the cost be damned. Or do you think money, at this point means more than sanity?

As for the 'grow up' comment. I would also advise the attorney of the fact that you gave a copy of the order to the visitation supervisor and he/she ignored it, in fact, took an active part in violating it.

That person should be brought before the judge to answer for their conduct in spitting in the court's face. PERIOD!!!!!!!!
 
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EllieMc

Guest
Oh I forgot...I also took the note to the DA and they said it was too insignificant to file charges. Then I took it to ex's probation officer.....same response.
I already have sole legal and physical custody but the orders say that neither of us can leave Sonoma County. I have to leave.
 
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oberauerdorf

Guest
No contact means NO CONTACT. You are dealing with a bunch of idiots. See an attorney Monday. At the very least you need to be filing a modification and you need to file a complaint against that idiot supervisor.
 
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EllieMc

Guest
Idiots....yes I know...but knowing that isn't helping me.
I don't know how to file an order for modification. Do you?
And I will contact an attorney on Monday....but there are so many....how do I know I'm talking to a good one? And cost is a factor when they want money and there is none. I know sanity is worth more than money.....but I don't know how much my parents can helpme in the money area. They are very supportive in all other ways to so I'll ask.
Thanks again for the advise.
PS>>> Are you in the legal field or just someone in here like me?
 
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oberauerdorf

Guest
Your attorney can file the modification. And it won't cost that much. You can file for about $500 but from your questions on this forum, I would not do this yourself.

As for me, some on this forum would say I'm an old fart, wrinkled and smelly.

And they would be right.

by the way, you choose an attorney the same way you choose any other EMPLOYEE, ask questions and demand answers.
 

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