L
Lovely72
Guest
What is the name of your state? virginia
i was selected as a match for a 11 yr. old child. the child was interested in me and wanted to meet with me. i met with the child and the agency, the visit went well. the child liked me and i liked the child. the agency even thought we were good for each other. the child wanted a weekend visit with me the same week.
we made a visit for a friday. two or three days later when the worker called the foster mom to tell her when she would pick the child up for the visit, she said the child didn't want to go. the worker then spoke with the child. the child stated that her foster mom was crying and sad about her leaving. she said i was nice but she decided to stay there. she said once she decided to stay there, her mom was happy. she said the only difference is she will have a bedroom to herself with me and that her foster mom was moving and she would have her own room then. when asked if the foster mom had something to do with her decision the child said no. but it appears the lady did have a lot to do with it. the child even said she had been with the lady for 2 years and had been doing better (behaviorally) since in her care. (I don't think an 11 yr. old couldn't come up with this kind of talk without hearing it from someone.) the child told the worker she has made up her mind, that's what she wants and she can't make her leave.
the problem is the lady does not want to adopt her, and doesn't appear to want anyone else to. numerous professionals in the case has concern to whether the foster mom is the most appropriate long term caretaker. the child's therapist feels the foster mom may be overbearing at times and discourages the child from expressing her true wishes/feelings. there is also concern about the nature of the attachment between the foster mom and the child, and whether or not it is a healthy relationship. the foster mom has made negative comments to the child about adoption.
this was a concern for me in the beginning after finding out the negativity concerning the foster mom. the agency did not wish to move the child until the end of the school year and i mentioned if that would be a good idea based on the fact that the foster mom discourages the child and makes negative comments about adoption.
the worker wanted to remove the child after the child quickly changed her mind, but can not just move the child without proof that the mom is doing anything wrong. the worker feels the child is being influenced but can't prove anything because the child's needs are being met and the child isn't being mistreated. (there are other children in the home as well.)
the worker told the child to think about it. they will later go to court (and present everything that happened) to see what the judge will decide. the foster mom only wishes to keep the child in permanent foster care and the judge didn't want to do that. the judge had decided the goal was adoption because she had a chance to find a adoptive home.
i do not know which way this will be favorable. i don't know if the judge will rule for permanent foster care and leave this child in this lady's care (because needs are being met), or to immediately move the child due to the lady brainwashing the child, controlling the child's mind and playing with the child's emotions. this can not be healthy for the child, the child is probably confused.
i know no one can determine what a judge will decide, but based on the info. i explained, do you think there is enough reason for the judge to remove the child and place the child in a adoptive home (since i am a match and the child was interested until she went home to the foster mom)?
is this child old enough to decide if she wants to be adopted or to stay in permanent foster care? or does the age not matter if this relationship isn't healthy?
please give me your thoughts/insight. i am a bit disappointed, i had got my hopes up. i know this isn't the end and it may all work out, but until then i sit and wonder.
i was selected as a match for a 11 yr. old child. the child was interested in me and wanted to meet with me. i met with the child and the agency, the visit went well. the child liked me and i liked the child. the agency even thought we were good for each other. the child wanted a weekend visit with me the same week.
we made a visit for a friday. two or three days later when the worker called the foster mom to tell her when she would pick the child up for the visit, she said the child didn't want to go. the worker then spoke with the child. the child stated that her foster mom was crying and sad about her leaving. she said i was nice but she decided to stay there. she said once she decided to stay there, her mom was happy. she said the only difference is she will have a bedroom to herself with me and that her foster mom was moving and she would have her own room then. when asked if the foster mom had something to do with her decision the child said no. but it appears the lady did have a lot to do with it. the child even said she had been with the lady for 2 years and had been doing better (behaviorally) since in her care. (I don't think an 11 yr. old couldn't come up with this kind of talk without hearing it from someone.) the child told the worker she has made up her mind, that's what she wants and she can't make her leave.
the problem is the lady does not want to adopt her, and doesn't appear to want anyone else to. numerous professionals in the case has concern to whether the foster mom is the most appropriate long term caretaker. the child's therapist feels the foster mom may be overbearing at times and discourages the child from expressing her true wishes/feelings. there is also concern about the nature of the attachment between the foster mom and the child, and whether or not it is a healthy relationship. the foster mom has made negative comments to the child about adoption.
this was a concern for me in the beginning after finding out the negativity concerning the foster mom. the agency did not wish to move the child until the end of the school year and i mentioned if that would be a good idea based on the fact that the foster mom discourages the child and makes negative comments about adoption.
the worker wanted to remove the child after the child quickly changed her mind, but can not just move the child without proof that the mom is doing anything wrong. the worker feels the child is being influenced but can't prove anything because the child's needs are being met and the child isn't being mistreated. (there are other children in the home as well.)
the worker told the child to think about it. they will later go to court (and present everything that happened) to see what the judge will decide. the foster mom only wishes to keep the child in permanent foster care and the judge didn't want to do that. the judge had decided the goal was adoption because she had a chance to find a adoptive home.
i do not know which way this will be favorable. i don't know if the judge will rule for permanent foster care and leave this child in this lady's care (because needs are being met), or to immediately move the child due to the lady brainwashing the child, controlling the child's mind and playing with the child's emotions. this can not be healthy for the child, the child is probably confused.
i know no one can determine what a judge will decide, but based on the info. i explained, do you think there is enough reason for the judge to remove the child and place the child in a adoptive home (since i am a match and the child was interested until she went home to the foster mom)?
is this child old enough to decide if she wants to be adopted or to stay in permanent foster care? or does the age not matter if this relationship isn't healthy?
please give me your thoughts/insight. i am a bit disappointed, i had got my hopes up. i know this isn't the end and it may all work out, but until then i sit and wonder.