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Is a retired stay-at-home dad in the best interest (LONG ONE)

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paulsgirl

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Hello all! This is a revisit to a topic I posted a while ago with a spin, and I would appreciate any input…

Last night as I was on the phone with new husband of two months (I am Navy in Italy, he is Navy in Chicago) he was once again lamenting the conspicuous absence of his children from his life. When he and ex separated six years ago, she packed up and moved to Indiana from DC, and while he was still thinking the separation was TEMPORARY, she filed for divorce after the minimum time for residency, and immediately demanded delivery of HER children (her words). Honey petitioned the court to be able to hold on to them until the end of the school year, and was granted that. So they stayed in DC with Daddy.

However, after 6 months of paying for after school day-care in DC where none had been budgeted before (Mom stayed at home during the day, and when he got home, she took off for her night job), paying ALL the bills, and not having her supplemental income to lean on, things were in pretty bad shape financially. When the proceedings went down in Indiana, divorce was granted; she got everything but the car, he got all the bills. After the custody hearing, mommy got the children, because he was, get this, INCAPABLE of providing a stable environment for the children. The opinion was the Navy being what it is (move every couple of years) coupled with his obvious inability to manage money(?!?!) He also got hit with maximum CS under the "Income Shares Model" of gross income, because ex had a part-time minimum wage job. The court let the part-time slide because that meant she could be home for the children more.

He could have gotten out of the Navy, but he has only a high school education, and he would be staring at a minimum wage job himself. So he sucked it up, saw his kids twice a year, and financially provides for them as well as he can.
As a side note, his kids ADORE him.

Other than blatantly obvious Parental Alienation (his 14 yr. old appears to see right through her attempts to discredit daddy) she is a devoted mother, and the CS apparently (mostly)goes to the children. So on this basis alone, we would not request custody. There is no visible abuse or neglect, but there IS about to be a significant change in circumstances. My husband will be forced to retire in 2 years because of high year tenure. Our first plan was for him to stay at home with our child (if we have one then) and just keep paying the CS out of his retirement. (I would have to subsidize a little, but that was ok). Then last night while he was going on about his kids, I had a thought; his retirement makes him AVAILABLE to be there ALL THE TIME for his children. The ex said herself in COURT that he was a WONDERFUL Dad, and except for his money management skills, she had no problem with the children being with him. She SAID this.

So, if we make the incredibly attractive offer of a completely-stay-at-home dad in a financially comfortable household be in the best interest of the children (10 and 14 now, 12 and 16 then), would a judge buy it? The money issue isn't an issue…I keep our finances (completely separate, of course :)) Whaddya guys and gals think?
 



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