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EMINENT

Guest
MY SON COMES TO STAY WITH ME EVERY SUMMER FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS HE'S BEEN LIVING IN NORTH CAROLINA SINCE 1995. HE CAME UP THIS SUMMER WITH THE INTENTIONS OF NOT GOING BACK I HAVE THE ROOM FOR HIM AND WISH THAT HE CAN STAY I HAVE NOT CONTACTED HIS MOTHER IN REGARDS TO THIS MATTER. HE SAYS HE FEELS THAT BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY. AND WOULD LIKE TO STAY HERE WITH ME HE IS 13 AND WILL BE 14 IN NOV.2000. I HAVE A DECENT JOB AND AS I HAD STATED I DO HAVE THE ROOM AVAILABLE FOR HIM TO STAY. I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IF I GO TO COURT AS I HAD EXPLAINED TO HIM HE MIGHT BE ASKED TO SAY WHAT HE FEELS HE SAYS HE IS MORE THAN WILLING TO GO ALL THE WAY. I MUST ADD HE WAS ALWAYS WILLING TO GO BACK HOME TO HER BUT IN THIS LAST YEAR I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME ,HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO BACK WHAT DO I DO. HELP ME PLEASE

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D

Destiny

Guest
Well your son is definatly old enough to be able to make that decision on his own and the courts will see it that way too. But unless your wife is going to willingly let him stay....then you will have to go back to court. I think it would be wise to find out exactly what happened in the past year to make him feel this way. Was he mistreated or did he just not get his way and it made him angry?? Might be something worth looking in to.
 
E

EMINENT

Guest
i thank you for your response, and it is worth loooking into. for what he tells me he said things aren't going his way which might be that. i wonder if the courts will let him stay for at least one year to give me a go at it you know i would at least respect that i am going to talk to his mother and see what she thinks i don't know what to expect because she loves money c/s so i don't know but for his sake and mines i have to try.
thank you.
 
K

Kathleen00

Guest
I feel for you. My advice is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex. Children are not our possessions, they are gifts that we are blessed with. Although parenting can be difficult at best to do, the payoff of raising productive intelligent adults is our reward. I would speak to the ex about the situation. I would also get child to sign an affadavit stating their wishes and then bring my case before the judge if ex is unwilling to cooperate. Almost every state has laws protecting the child's right to choose. Perhaps "cutting a deal" would help at this juncture. It only serves to help everyone adjust by making the best deal possible while adhering to your child's wishes and concerns. Best wishes to you. I realize how difficult of a situation this is to go through.
 
W

wendyt

Guest
I would ask the ex to try him living with you for at least 6 months...maybe only 3 to see if his feelings are for real or if he is just going through a phase. It will give him a chance to see if this is what he really wants. If it is, then I would go to court. But I would try it out as a "trial period" first. I wish you luck.
 
L

ldelagra

Guest
I feel very torn in replying to your question. My ex and I have a decent relationship and luckily, we live in the same town. When my son hit puberty, he wanted to spent more time with his father and less with me because I'm "too strict and treat him like a little kid" (his words). We worked it out by letting him go to a school near his father's home...I drive him across town in the morning, he goes to dad's after school (dad gets off early) and then dad brings him home at night. I am still the "bad guy" who makes sure that homework gets done, says no to activities like going to midnight skating and force him to do chores, etc. But dad is more and more involved. Dad still pays me c/s since I still buy his clothes, pay for lunches, lessons, allowance, medical expenses, etc. But, I now let dad claim him on taxes because he spents so much time there. We are real flexible about him spending week nights at dad's if he wants to stay late at a friend's house on that side of town, or switching weekends if either of us is doing something "fun" on the other's weekend that he wants to join in on. As he gets older, he is spending more and more time with dad but it's ok because the ex and I talk over all major decisions.

If you lived closer, I would recommend this type of situation since it allows the child to leave mom when he is feeling independent and retreat back to mom when he needs to be babied alittle. is there any chance of you moving back to that area?

Thirteen is a funny age when one minute they are almost adults and the next minute they are little kids....think long and hard before you uproot him on his whim.

Oh, one small aside. In case you have the impression that my ex and I have this wonderful relationship and that is why our arrangment works, I should tell you that he is now living with my ex-best friend and he doesn't approve of the man in my life. So, it isn't all sunshine and light. However, we both agree that our son comes first and we have to act like adults when it comes to his welfare.
 

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