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Can someone please help us???

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fiestyjewels

Junior Member
I know this is a lengthy one, but I felt I needed to explain most of the details. So, please be patient as you read. Thank you...Jewel ;o)

My fiance moved to MO in Nov. of 1999 when he left the Navy and got a new job. He is still living in MO. When he was in the Navy he was stationed in Virginia, in which he was originally living and from. He had to go to C school or A school (can't remember which it was) in TN after he was first inducted into the Navy in 1995 and met a woman about 2 or 3 months before he was to go to FL for once again C school or A school. He was 19 and she was 36 when they met. When they met my fiance was more or less a virgin (he had only had one other sexual encounter that I'm not really sure could be counted as sex) and had never really had a girlfriend before this encounter. He had lead a pretty sheltered life and was pretty naive. Within the first 24 hours in meeting her she had already performed oral sex on him in which was new to him so did not object. From there it lead to several sexual trists and he was staying the night with her almost every night. A few weeks after meeting her she said "Why don't we get married since we are practically living together anyway and you'll get more money from the Navy if you're married". So, he did marry her mistaking lust for love, since she was giving him sexual pleasure that he had never experienced before. Now of course being 19 years old he did not want any children and had made that quite clear to her before they got married. He asked her about birth control and she said that she could not have children due to the severity of her diabetes so there was no birth control needed. The day before he was to leave for FL she pulled him aside and said that she was pregnant. He was in shock and told her that he still had to leave. He went to the doctor with her and at that time was when he found out that it wasn't that "she couldn't have children" it was that she wasn't "supposed to have any more children". He then found out that she had 2 other children, each by military men and had lost custody of the children due to writing bad checks. She was married to at least one of the men because we have a copy of the divorce decree that the Navy had obtained and it was in his discharge file. In this divorce decree it stated that there a was a girl that was born and is 3 years younger than him (my fiance). But, what I found odd was that in less than a year from the birth of the daughter from that marriage the ex left the home and filed for divorce. And from my fiance's understanding the son that was born later to a different man (still unclear if she was married to this man or not) was also was a relationship that ended quite abruptly after finding out about that pregnancy. My fiance said that he couldn't handle the lies that he was finding out about and that was why he had decided to go to FL alone and not take her with him. He had already made the decision and had told her of that decision before he found out about the pregnancy. He said she was lying on job applications and obviously to him about various things about her past. She had a baby girl that we will call J. My fiance was not there for the birth and was not allowed by her to have visitation with her. He did try on a couple of occasions to see J, but she (the wife) made him stay at her house and was not allowed to leave with her and the whole time would freak out if she did not have J in her sites thinking that he took off with J. We have been together since Dec. of 2000 and in the fall of 2001 we went to visit J. At that time she let us take J to the show and to the mall. We point blank asked her what time she wanted her home. She said that she would be there all day and that she didn't care she just wanted him to visit with his daughter. We left with J at about 11:30 am and was coming back to the house to get J's jacket to go to the park because it was a little chilly at about 3:00. As we were pulling around the corner to her house his parents in Virginia call him on his cell (we had given her both of our cell phone numbers in case she was to leave or needed us for some reason and to help alleviate any tension) and wanted to know where we were. He told them that we were just around the corner from J's house to get her jacket. They told him that she called them freaking out that we had taken off with J. So it obviously ruined any other plans that we had with J and cut the visit short. Even though we had driven 6 hours and paid for a hotel room. So, how can he even think to have a relationship with his daughter if she won't allow it, also we asked on several occasions to bring her to MO so that he could get to know J, but the answer was absolutely not and never. We now have a child together and J is 8 years old now and decided that he doesn't want any visitation for one because he can't stand to be in the same room with her (the mother of his child). The other is that now we have a son he has filled his need to have a child of his own. I also have 2 children that even though he in not biologically their dad, he is there dad. He feels that she took advantage of him. She wanted a child and used him to get it and also knew from previous children and relationships with military men, knew that she would get half of his pay for the child. She in my opinion and his found a 19 year old naive (I have to say) child, wanted another child since her other two had been taken away and she was not allowed visitation ( which after bail bonding for 5 years, I know that they don't take away your kids for writing bad checks and then not allow visitation, there must be another reason) so she decided to latch on and use him to get what she wanted. He has never divorced her and recently he had a court hearing for child support and right off the bat he is now $30,000 dollars behind in child support and now has to pay $700 a month for child support and she was trying to get more because now she is legally blind and had one of her feet amputated due to the diabetes. Before she did not want support after he left the navy because she did not want him to get visitation or custody of J. So the had a mutual agreement that he stays away and she would not get support. The only reason that we went to visit that fall was because his parents called her and begged her to let him see her. Now that her health is bad she's trying to stick it to him. He also wants a divorce, but doesn't know which state to file in. He doesn't mind paying a reasonable amount of support for J, but for we feel that $700 a month for one child is rediculous, only $100 a month goes to back child support. And he would like the back child support dropped because she didn't want it and they had an agreement. Also he is wondering about a possible anullment, possible relinquishing his rights as a parent and possibly suing her for a marriage that was fraudulent to begin with. Also if he were to file in MO would they go by TN or MO child support guidelines. And as far as how much child support he would like to pay. $450/mo and supply insurance if he can't relinquish his rights. If anyone can answer any of our questions we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It's very unlikely that 8+ years after the fact he can get an annulment.

As for back support, it's entirely likely that she has been on state support and he's paying that back now. If that's the case - it's not going to be dropped.

The current support - he doesn't get to choose how much he'd like to pay. The state has guidelines (the state where the child lives would be the governing state).

It is unlikely that he will be able to relinquish his parental rights. A better bet would be for him to file for visitation and/or custody (that would be my choice) and stand up to his responsibility as the child's father.

He should also be aware that if she is now disabled, he may find himself paying alimony as the disability occured during the marriage.

He's waited long enough to sort this mess out - he should get on the stick and do it sooner rather than later.
 

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