can we agree to no child support?

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? TN

just wondering what the possible scenarios would be for this situation.

we have 3 kids, ages, 7, 11, 14. I am trying to get my spouse to agree to split joint physical/legal custody of the kids, 50/50. and with no child support to either of us from the other. our 14 year old might choose to not spend much or possible any time with me because she considers me too strict and my spouse let's her do practically what she wants. I am fine with that as long as I would not have to pay anything to my spouse if she chooses not to spend time with me. believe me, I want her to, but I'm not sure if I could force her to spend time with me.

I would be giving my spouse the house, the equity in it, leaving most of our furnishings, providing medical/dental coverage for the kids, paying $600 up front per year for all medications/copays/medical bills, then after that we would split them 50/50. we have 3 vehicles, 1 is paid for, the other 2 have loans of 3 and 4.5 years on them, I would be taking the vehicles and the payments of those vehicles, leaving her the auto that is paid off free and clear, I will be paying for the kids school lunches. the only debt that my spouse will have would be the house payment and a small school loan payment.

so my question/concern in a nutshell is that I want split joint physical/legal custody of all my kids, 50/50 time, I even want it with my 14 year old (I've heard once they get over a certain age they can possibly refuse to have to go with me?, I don't want that, just not sure if that's possibly an option for my 14 year old). so if we agree in the divorce uncontested to those terms, would a judge still possibly make me pay child support, 1) assuming all 3 kids would spend 50/50 time with me, and 2) if my 14 year old would not have to go with me for the 50/50 time.

I make about twice as much as my spouse. she could get a better job (she has a college degree) but won't. don't know if that ever factors into an equation or not.

hope this isn't too confusing.

thanks!

I can only offer this: If you and your ex-spouse can agree, put it in writing and have it notorized. You each can refer back to it, or agree to modify it together...if down the road you don't see eye to eye anymore, at least you have the document to prove at some point you did have an agreement and what the agreement was.

Noterized letters mean nothing. All you can do is deal with it with the judge. My husband and his ex drew up everything in their divorce including 50/50 custody and yes, neither pay support and the judge agreed. But that's because THEY agreed to it. Technically we could take bio-mom to court and get support as she makes a LOT more then he does now but it's nice having one less thing to fight about.

You said:

"I would be giving my spouse the house, the equity in it, leaving most of our furnishings, providing medical/dental coverage for the kids, paying $600 up front per year for all medications/copays/medical bills, then after that we would split them 50/50. we have 3 vehicles, 1 is paid for, the other 2 have loans of 3 and 4.5 years on them, I would be taking the vehicles and the payments of those vehicles, leaving her the auto that is paid off free and clear, I will be paying for the kids school lunches. the only debt that my spouse will have would be the house payment and a small school loan payment."

Personally, I think you're giving up way too much. However, does she work? Has she worked most of the marriage? Does she make decent money? Does she make something close to what you make?

Realize that if she doesn't work and hasn't worked in some time you could be orderet to pay alimony. If you make this offer, and then a judge says you have to pay alimony and child support, you are setting yourself up for the poorhouse.

You need to ask for much more than you want and then try to settle for what you want.

In other words, offer the house, but insist that the equity be split upon it's sale. Demand that she refinance the house in her name only within one year of your divorce or the house will be sold and the equity split. If your name is still on the mortgage and title, you can be held liable for things that happen there when you don't even live there. Also, never, ever remove your name from the title of a house in which the mortgage is still in your name. You will be responsible for the mortgage but have no say in what happens to the house.

Do not offer to pay any out of pocket medical up front. You, she or both of you will be court ordered to carry insurance. Then, likely, you will be ordered to split the out of pocket costs 50/50.

In whose name are the cars titled? If your name is on those titles, any vehicle she gets must be changed to her name, whether there is financing or not. If she cannot afford it, realize that if she causes an accident, or if your 14 year old has an accident when she reaches 16, you will be the responsible party.

How much do the school lunches cost? If it is nominal, I wouldn't bother offering it up. If it is a relatively large cost, then offer it only after the truly important things are hashed out, such as what I've listed above.

Also, just so you know, if a judge orders that you have a set visitation schedule for the 14 year old and the 14 year old doesn't show up, your soon to be ex can be held in contempt of court. Why are you allowing a 14 year old to make such a decision? If the 14 year old wants to quit school today, would you let her? Of course not! And unless the 14 year old has a darned good reason to not visit you, and the judge buys that reason, the 14 year old has NO SAY in the matter.

An excellent website for you: www.deltabravo.net. That website has a board dedicated to Fathers.

truly said:

I can only offer this: If you and your ex-spouse can agree, put it in writing and have it notorized. You each can refer back to it, or agree to modify it together...if down the road you don't see eye to eye anymore, at least you have the document to prove at some point you did have an agreement and what the agreement was.

Click to expand...

Please don't tell people to do this. It means nothing in the eyes of the court and judges. Only a court order signed by a judge carries weight.

in response to veronicagia, I make about 2x as much as her. I was wondering about the no child support only if we go in with everything as uncontested, so the house and equity to her is fair in my eyes as long as the no child support goes along also. if it goes to child support, I'd be looking at a totally different approach. I'm just going by what I think would be fair if she would agree to an uncontested divorce.

thanks.

If you make 2x what she does, it is highly unlikely that child support will not be ordered no matter what you offer her in return. The fact is that support is for the child, not the spouse. A judge will not allow you or her to eliminate the child support for the child by giving other things to either parent. It is the right of the child to get support, not the parents.

Adding to my post above, go here: http://ocse3.acf.dhhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/selectastate.cfm

Click on TN. You will see that TN takes a flat percent of the obligors income into consideration only when ordering support. This means that even if you have joint legal and physical custody, but the child lives with her for school purposes, she would be considered the residential parent and you will be paying child support. Her income won't make a bit of difference. However, if YOU are the residential parent, she will have to pay you.

Rethink your huge offer now. And I hope you have an attorney fighting for you.