Jail for being behind in support?

New York

My ex was/is very far behind on child support, partially because he was working under the table. (The support monies are set up to be garnished from is check (when he is working on the books)). The support collection unit finally caught up to him and ordered him to pay back support or he would lose his drivers license. He said they wanted him to pay his regular payment of $56.00/week plus $50.00 each week till he gets caught up. He had the nerve to call me and ask me to "call off the dogs". Like I could call a magic phone number and *poof* he wouldn't owe me anything. To make a long story short, he was in a corner and HAD to get a job on the books. Now that he is finally working on the books, I received 2 payments. He said that he can not live without the money he gives me. (If you read my other threads about him, he has 2 felony DWI's and is in relapse). He is threatening to quit his job and "have the child support people put" him in jail. He tries to make me feel guilty all the time. My question is, what can happen if he stops working after a couple payments and goes back to working under the table to avoid payment? Obviously the payments to me would stop (thank God I do not depend on his money to support me and our daughter, but it does help with school tuition payments). What can they do to him? Can they really put him in jail? If he has 2 prior felony charges, does that make things worse?

More then likely if he quits his job when he goes back to court(which you will have to file again) he will be asked why. As far as putting him in jail IMO if that's where he wants to go.. FINE... let him but it doesn't get him out of supporting his child. The county I live in puts them in jail on work release in order to pay off the arrearage. They don't care how many jobs you work. I'm not sure if it's a large amount (say like my ex who owes 25,000) if they keep them until a portion is paid off or until it's ALL paid up but they do keep them and force them to work. Now, my order isn't here and is in a larger county and they don't do squat. I asked about jail time and the answer I got from them is "Then the goal is from payment to punishment"... UM HELLO... someone who is purposely avoiding support should be punished instead of my kids! It's all up to the judge in each individual case. Since you don't depend on that money then let him dig his own grave.

I have been letting him dig his own grave. I never complained to the court or the support unit. I figured there had to be a way for them to find out (a red flag so to speak) if he stopped paying. He only owes me a couple thousand dollars at this point. I was surprised they let it get that high, but, $25,000.00 in your case, geez!

Thank God that I have the means to give our daughter a nice life. If I didn't and depended on child support, who knows what would happen. I really feel for everyone who has to fight for payment and are struggling to keep their head above water. It's not like we're having lavish parties and expensive vacations. Children eat, need a place to sleep and they need to have clothing etc.. Take that away from the non-payer and see how they'd like it. My ex has the nerve to ask our daughter if I buy her things with the money he sends me (the 2 payments he recently sent) or if I spend the money on myself! It's like, HELLO, you daughter's tuition payment is $270/month, let's see, $56/week child support.... you do the math. Yeah, I go on frivolous shopping trips and have a Louis Vuiton bag with the extra!

nicolesmom said:

I have been letting him dig his own grave. I never complained to the court or the support unit. I figured there had to be a way for them to find out (a red flag so to speak) if he stopped paying. He only owes me a couple thousand dollars at this point. I was surprised they let it get that high, but, $25,000.00 in your case, geez!

Thank God that I have the means to give our daughter a nice life. If I didn't and depended on child support, who knows what would happen. I really feel for everyone who has to fight for payment and are struggling to keep their head above water. It's not like we're having lavish parties and expensive vacations. Children eat, need a place to sleep and they need to have clothing etc.. Take that away from the non-payer and see how they'd like it. My ex has the nerve to ask our daughter if I buy her things with the money he sends me (the 2 payments he recently sent) or if I spend the money on myself! It's like, HELLO, you daughter's tuition payment is $270/month, let's see, $56/week child support.... you do the math. Yeah, I go on frivolous shopping trips and have a Louis Vuiton bag with the extra!

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I sat recently with my kids and literally divided all our bills and figured half their portion and figured out things to show what support is to pay. My kids are 10 and 13 and we're going through a TPR and step-parent adoption. This is the only reason I said anything to them. We were having a discussion and they asked questions and I decided to answer everything honestly. Many don't get that CS is to help raise the child including home, electricity... etc.

I learned a LONG time ago not to depend on that money. IF I ever got it, it was a bonus. Stay on the CSE office and whom ever else because once they get so far it basically becomes a lost cause and they don't want to be bothered with it. If someone TRUELY doesn't want to pay there are ways to get out of it. What they don't realize is the kids suffer for it... not only financially but emotionally. My ex stopped contact 3 years ago because he knows he owes money. Did I stop him from seeing them? No but he chooses not to because he knows if he has contact then I know where he is you best damn be sure the state will know where he is.

tigger22472 said:

My ex stopped contact 3 years ago because he knows he owes money. Did I stop him from seeing them? No but he chooses not to because he knows if he has contact then I know where he is you best damn be sure the state will know where he is.

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And he has no clue what it's doing to your children (or doesn't care). It will haunt him later in life, if he has any conscience at all.

I feel the same way you do, if I get the money, it's a bonus. That's a great that you are being honest with your children about finances etc.. I usually just let my daughter (who is 12) come to me with questions and I answer her truthfully as well. She s getting old enough to see what is happening without my having to say a word. I never talk badly about her father, she can make up her own mind about the kind of person he is, (although it is hard sometimes, but I bite my lip). I would hate for him to go to jail over not paying support. I would be afraid she would think either she did something to cause it or I did it. He has a way of making people feel sorry for him, including thick headed me.

Good luck with your TPR and step-parent adoption!

A private note I received.....

deepseascape said:

Well were only getting your side of the story. You have way more rights than he does. All women have to do is boo hoo a little and they have the entire state court system behind them. Its your body you shouldnt have gotten pregnant in the first place or at least have better choice in men. I dont feel for you sister, consider yourself lucky, now you can dog him for the better part of two decades Happy now?

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Has anyone else gotten private messages like this?

First Off NY CSEU WILL have his license suspended if he falls behind ( i think it's 2 mos. payments). NY CSEU is one state that does not let it slide.

The new law of suspending licenses ( not only Drivers ) came into law I believe in 1994. Every person the owed received a letter from them advising them of this.

Also they can seize and will put a freeze on bank accounts, take your car, etc. And they're nasty. He's probably taking that nastiness out on you..

If he's in relapse he needs to walk into a brick wall anyways. Do not let him make you feel guilty . If he goes to Jail ( which I doubt for that amount ) , then he will get sober at least a short time.

Next time he starts the crap of where the CS money goes, remind him it's illegal to work under the table .

Also remind him you have NO Control over CSEU , and they could give a hoot where the money goes he pays , they don't keep track of it .

nicolesmom said:

Has anyone else gotten private messages like this?

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Turn off your private messaging option.

Blonde Lebinese said:

If he's in relapse he needs to walk into a brick wall anyways. Do not let him make you feel guilty . If he goes to Jail ( which I doubt for that amount ) , then he will get sober at least a short time.

Next time he starts the crap of where the CS money goes, remind him it's illegal to work under the table .

Also remind him you have NO Control over CSEU , and they could give a hoot where the money goes he pays , they don't keep track of it .

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I would love for him to get sober and straighten his life out. For our daughters sake. The sad thing is, he obviously is thinking of himself and no one else. He thinks he's the victim here. How wrong can he be, the victim is our daughter.