Who Wins Custody Me Or Her! Or Neither!

What is the name of your state? CA

HI, this is my situation:

I"m a 28 year old male living in socal. My ex is 25 living in norcal.

me and my ex are not married

we lived together for 6 months before we broke up

3 months ago we found out she was pregnant.

She is bipolar and after she found out she was pregnant stopped taking medication. (due to defect concerns in the childtobe)

this caused her to be very abusive and it ended with us having to call it quits for the time being as she was depressed and wanted to see her daughter.

ended up she has made it permanent since( i knew long distance relationships dont' work)

she moved back up north where she is now. That's where her family is and her daughter who has been living with her own parents for the last year.

She has since stated that she is not going to put the child up for adoption. which should be in the best interest of the child due to the following:

FIRST HER:

She has no job, no insurance for herself or her child, no funds, no bank account, no house, 800$ car with 200k miles, no support system from her own parents who have kicked her daughter out after they found out she was pregnant and possibly going to jail. possibly going to jail for 2 burglary charges for a year or less(first offense), in debt and has debt collectors sending her mail. One more important detail. (the bipolar issue, it makes her very unpredicatable and always looking for a high and bright light, which is what caused her to be caught stealing(rush of stealing , skydiving, doing something against the law, meeting new people; helps bipolars get over their depression) It is also genetic, as her grandma and possibly her mother and child might have it too. So this might be handed down once again.

ME:

a student, and studying real estate, have car and health insurance, independent but being taken care of by my parents 100%(allowance), (through living in parents second house, i have a car(jointlyowed as i've payed back 20,000 to them for buying it), in debt myself now(12k), wasn't in any debt before i met her nor did i have any credit cards. I know noone can make me sign anything but i guess i didn't realize what i was getting into gettin 3 cc's. i'm not in any criminal trouble nor have i been, and im current with my bills.But i might go bankrupt soon due to the heavy spending i incurred with her. She put her ex in debt too(he lost his house), when she spent 4000$ and caused the mortgage payments to go unpaid she ran away and hasn't seen him since.

Now since it takes 2 people to put the child up for adoption;i realize that it doens't matter that i think that's the right thing to do. So if she decides to keep this child, who will win in a court decision for custody.

CAnt' the state step in and put the child up for adoption themselves or have it put up for foster care.

And if i win sole custody can i put the child up for adoption then. ...ask me fore more details i'm sure i have them... ...thanks for any help

You got some nerve .

Think a child is like Money or Property ?

They ARE NOT.

What's amatter, your Parents don't wanna pay 100% careing for YOUR CHILD ?

Nahh I didn't think so .....

I hope they get ya good for child support, who ever ends up with YOUR CHILD ....... BIG MAN .....

obviously i came across wrong. I'm not pointing fingers. Bottom line is neither me nor her are capable of raising a child alone, so i want to put it up for adoption to give it a better life. I guess i'm kind of surprised by your response cuz i'm doing what's right for the child. It goes to cusody trial first i realize that , and i know i might, win my question was again if i can then put the child up for adoption. Nothing cruel about that. Would you rather the child grow up pennyless? cuz neither one of us will have money as she has a child already who requires constant medical attention. I can see you're against adoption, but once again i never wanted this child and she stopped using birth control on purpose to have it, she's lucky i'm even still talking to her and being civil about all of this. She tricked me into having this child so that her own daughter can have a sister. where is your thought process coming from? unbelievable. Bottom line is she's a liar and a a thief for which she will soon go to jail, and me deciding to no longer pick up the pieces for her mistakes is not wrong. and second of all. There hasn't even been a paternity test, as the child is still in her belly and undeveloped so kind of early for you to put judgement on me for a child that i have good reason to think is not even mine as she aborted a child 8 months prior belonging to another man(in other words she cheated), and where in that post did i say that neither i nor my parents want to take care of this child. i never stated that. you're basing your opinions on emotions and personal life obviously so unless you have real insight on this then please don't turn this into a drama generator. I just want answers not rants from mothers whose husbands or boyfriends were dead beats. I certainly am not that nor can i be labeled one as THE CHILD IS NOT BORN YET. NOW stop with the drama lady and read on.

here i was thinking for a second when i started writing your reply that i put the word "it" instead of child or baby. Now i really think that you're a whackcase "lebinese" girl. Have man issues huh? Well guess what, I have rights too. Just because i'm a man doesn't mean that i am incapable of loving or taking care of a child. YOU need to get over your stereotypes and realize that not every single man on the face of the earth is the way your ex's were. And one day, there actually will be a law against women who plan pregnancies by putting holes in condoms or the like, to inpregnate themselves for all kinds of reasons.(usually money ofcourse). But it's people like you who are not open minded and base their life decisions on their own personal history that scare me. If you were a judge you probably wouldn't give any man the time of day. Thats' just stupid. One day maybe if you had a son, then your own son would get betrayed by a woman. Would you stand behind him or would your hate determine your position of right and wrong. Grow up and learn to react to situations in a relative manner. When you act on emotions you're always going to make yourself look like a complete incompetent jackass. And you judging me for something i haven't even done yet, shows your inability to reason. That's all the time allotted that i'm going to give you, if you don't get it after this, then you truly are a deep troubled woman who needs to seek counseling for your baggage. Goodbye

OR DID YOU TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT SIMPLY BECAUSE I MENTIONED THAT I INFERRED I DON'T FEEL SHE IS CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF THE CHILD BECAUSE SHE IS BIPOLAR? ONce again i never said all nor did i say she was INCAPABLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE i'm letting you ruin my morning. turn your hate somewhere else, you sad sad human being.. you are nothing but drama lady

oh yeah and i noticed you put the words "YOUR CHILD" IN CAPS, well once again ...i don't even know if it's mine and she has cheated before....did you even read? ....THIS CHILD IS NOT EVEN BORN YET. IT'S ONLY 4 MONTHS ALONG. what is your problem. drama,, i feel so sorry for the people who have to listen to your hate

obviously i came across wrong [ quote ]

Then all the sudden you point the blame .. Good cop out ....

I don't have to say a dam thing , but due to your safisticated , non itteligble rantings , I will.

FYI I'm a man , and My children are of grown age.

My X did the same to me ,quit taking birth control w/o my knowledge .

Yes she cheated too and had another daughter . MINE ???

In my heart she is. She has the same last name.

I have a Son. Do I stand behind him ? you bet I do , as well as my Daughters.
Ohh and I have another son too, their step brother, and I got a call from ALL of them wishing me a Happy Father's Day !!

Was I a man of monetary riches ? NO

I'm not getting into your debates . You want to give your Child up for adoption it's your choice ...

BTW What the hell are you talking about ??

So if she decides to keep this child, who will win in a court decision for custody.

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Hopefully, neither one of you.

BL, a child shouldn't be kept by the mom just to get him good for CS.. Likely this child IS better off in an intact loving family. A settled, emotionally mature, financially stable adoptive family with two parents TOGETHER raising a child isn't such a terrible thing for a child!!!!!! Maybe more "not ready" parents should be thinking about what's really best for their child. Not all parents SHOULD be parents, or at least should at that point in their lives. An adoptive child is NOT being treated like a monkey or a puppy and "given away"- they ARE VERY WANTED. Whatever my daughter's bioparent's story (and I have no idea what it is), I can't imagine it possible for anyone to have wanted or loved her more than we do.

It is unfair to imply that a parent who sees adoption as an option is doing wrong by their child for believing this should be pursued.

Logitech, EVEN if you do get sole custody, adoption would require BOTH parent's approval.

logitech said:

and where in that post did i say that neither i nor my parents want to take care of this child.

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I would think that by the fact that you want to place the child up for adoption, it's to be assumed that neither you nor your parents WANT to take care of this child. Am I wrong? You said yourself your parents are supporting you 100% while you're in school, and from what else I read, it doesn't look like your parents are struggling. Do they not want to help at least YOU out with this child so that you DON'T have to give it up? It's a life you're talking about...your flesh and blood. You give it up, there's no turning back later in life.

And if i win sole custody can i put the child up for adoption then [ quote ]

oh yeah and i noticed you put the words "YOUR CHILD" IN CAPS, well once again ...i don't even know if it's mine and she has cheated before....did you even read? [ quote ]

Yes I read perfectly fine. If you were to WIN sole Custody It would be YOUR CHILD .

LMAO DRAMA ??? You want to fight for custody of a child that your not even sure is yours or not , and then when you win Custody , give it up for adoption .

That's DRAMA ..... Get your head out of your butt.

If you don't think the child is yours , Petition for a Paternity TEST to find out.

If the Child is NOT yours end of your worries.

If the Child is then go be a broker if you can .

Nextwife ;

I agree with your view , but on reading this thread , it appears to be more self serving than anything else.

You and another poster are right, the child would be better off with loving parents.

The original Poster is NOT the only person in the world. My past experiences as well as many others , at least of having children are somewhat the same.

To post the things he did, then admit fault, then to come back with name calling, and excuses tells me a story of an immature 28 yr. old .

Very immature. Likely mom's not any better. He does admit he's NOT ready to be a parent, though. And he's probably right that neither are, Unfortunately he has no control over whether that happens now that he helped her get pregnant..

"independent but being taken care of by my parents 100%"~ I could be wrong, but that sounds like an oxymoron to me..hmm... I wish I had a way to be independent and still taken care of 100%....

Hopefully the mother feels differently than you do about your baby.

The first thing I thought of reading your post is you don't want to have to pay her cs if she keeps the baby. I think this whole situation is sad. JMO.

TNBSMommy said:

The first thing I thought of reading your post is you don't want to have to pay her cs if she keeps the baby. I think this whole situation is sad. JMO.

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You know, after thinking about it, you're right. Notice the OP posted this message that supposedly is in regards to custody in the "Child Support" section. ...maybe some underlying concerns he didn't want to just spit out.