Farther in need of advice court in 5 days

What is the name of your state? new york



Ok here’s my story.

I’m 32 years young (thank you) for the last 10 years I’ve been in a relationship with a woman whom I didn’t really love anyway I stayed and we’ve lived together for the past 9 years we have an 8 years old son who is latterly my life every single thing I’ve done over the past 9 years has pretty much been for him…

Now this past February I’ve pretty much had my full of mom and moved out into a small apt a friend arranged for me since then I was talked into trying to work things out again
And just couldn’t pull it off… over the years our main quarl has been cash I’ve never been able to count on her to share the load at all in any way so I left and with me went 25grand of back bills (fun fun fun)…

So anyway three weeks ago she came to me b/c she couldn’t make the $1300 auto insurance payment and the policy was going to laps so I paid the 1000 she didn’t have. This caused me to fall behind 15 days on my rent (I’m still not happy about that)
Then she came to me 4 days later b/c she needed to pay his school the 600 she still owed them or he would not be getting his report card. When I told her NO! I didn’t have it she then went and ran into family court and filled for child support and had me served later that night.

Ok so right now I’m not sure what to do when I moved I lost most of the paperwork I had
I’ve contacted my back and they are sending me a copy of my records for the last 3 years and I’ve also gotten a letter from my employer stating my annual salary for the past 3 years…

I’m just really scarred about all of this b/c I’ve heard so many horror stories from everyone I know

I’m not against paying child support of anything but for her to sit there and smile at me
With that grin on her face b/c she knows I’m screwed and she’s gotten the last laugh

Now with my court date 5 day’s way and the way her and her family have been acting
I’m feeling the need to get partial legal custody ASAP just to avoid any future problems
With them she says that she has no problem with it but I’ve also heard so many different stories form so many of our friends

And as it is now I need to find a part time job just to afford my apt, bills, and the money i've already been giving her

I don’t have any money so getting a lawyer
Is out of the question at least for now


What should I do?


I just got done looking at all the forms the require me to fill out again
and i'm wondering if they ask the same of her. Does she have to fill out the same paper work i do????

if so how do they calculate it all into the final figure
example

I now live by myself and make 35,000 a year and pay 850 rent
she lives with her family in a private house make around 27,000 and pays no rent

Im from Maryalnd

The only thing I can say to you is I feel really sorry for you cause my brother is going through this now, He didnt have the money either for a lawyer and guess what they told him, He lost that case hes got 30 days to come up with the money that he owes or he goes to jail, and he has a new baby getting ready to be born and just moved in to a place hes really in a badd spot but they have no sympathy for fathers I feel for you

Go here www.supportguidelines.com click your states links to aquaint yourself with NY guidelines for support.

Support in all states is not based on expenses, it is based on INCOME only.

you were not married, so bills and property will not be an issue in court. What is in your name is your responsibility only, and what is hers is hers.

And yes both parties fill out the same info.


because you were never married, so was paternity established? If not that is your first step.

If you claim your son is your life you will go to the court house and file for custody and visitation. If you are smart you will settle for nothing less than joint LEGAL custody, so have a say in all the major decisions involving your son. You will ask for SET visitation times, so that you can continue to have a relationship with your son without interference from the mom.

If the car ins. was in her name , sue her in small claims for the money you gave her for it . ( you do keep proofs don't you ) ?

If Paternity has been established, then support could be ordered.
If no paperwork with you as the father , as far as Birth certificate,court papers,has your name as the father , you can argue there is no proof your the father at the support hearing.

Having said that, if you have proof you are the Father, I would get the Petitions while your at the Court house for Custody/Visitations.
Child support and Custody/visitation are separate issues and heard by separate Judges.

Petition for " Joint Custody " with the Standard visitation schedules ( or one that you can work with, that gives you as much time with visits as you can ).

Also, have it specified " Neither Party is to leave the State of New York without the written Permission of the other Party, except for vacations" .

It will will greatly protect your father's rights .