Dad wants kids educated/public or private

California
Seperated 2 years, Kids 14 and 9, Mom has homeschooled since school age. Kids are very unsocial and shy.
Dad would prefer kids are either public or privte schooled, mainly for social interaction and just the chance of developing relationships with peers, just like most of us on this board.
What do I do? This is unchartered territory, who in the court system would be the one to make a decision such as this? No flexiblilty with either parent.
TIA

Just so you know, any judge will wonder why you NOW want the kids educated other than they have always known, when you agreed or assented to them being homeschooled for all the years previous to this.

It smells like revenge against mom more than anything, at this point.

I believe you could ask for mediation on this issue though? After all, mom will likely have to work now that she will be a single parent, so kids have to be supervised and educated usually during the time she would be working, right?

S

Thanks for the reply. Maybe I wasnt clear enough, been seperated 2.5 years, not divorced yet. Therefor, custody and visitation and education is temporary.
Ex does not want to work, and is expecting full support until death , remarriage, etc.. Homeschooling is keeping her from having to get a job.
I agree that mediation is the key, I am not revengeful on this issue, I just want my kids to have all the social skills available to their Mom when she was their age.
I will still pay her full support, I just want a "normal" life for my kids.

Why is it necessarilly revenge? He's seeing that his kids are growing no more socially capable and feels they rightly need socializing and normal childhood interactions with peers. A child having professionals educate them, instead of a mom who's using her kids to duck sharing any financial responsibility. Social skills are just as important as ABCs to grow into functioning adults.

How long have the kids been homeschooled? Since separation? Or all along? If the latter, it's reasonable for the judge to question why it has now become an issue.

While Dad says that the kids are poorly socialized, Mom will likely say that they are naturally shy. Another question will likely be what Dad has done to provide social opportunities when he has had the kids.

All in all, OP, if you pursue this, you should expect that an evaluation of the children will be ordered. That's going to cost $$, so be aware of that.

Thanks a ton for the replies. The children have been homeschooled all along. I know this is very tough, but I am willing to fight for my kids right to grow up with all the tools that most of us have had.
I think a mediator will see this also. I am a very optimistic person and I think just common sense will prevail.

Dennis...

You think your ex wants to homeschool the children so she can avoid working - even though she has ALWAYS homeschooled the children??? Hmmm.... Smells fishy to me.

You may think that traditional schooling might benefit the children, but have you thought about: Peer pressure, fighting, gangs, drugs, gossiping, cliques,
etc.??? It's not always greener on the other side and many children don't blossom in that atmosphere. On another note, homeschooled children have been shown to do well both educationally and socially and they have a higher rate of going on to college. Your children are in a safe enviorement and they are most likely receiving a great education. They can thrive without the pressure of trying to fit in, which is a huge plus. Don't think of the money, think of what's best for your children.

Well, generally, people prefer to keep the status quo for kids as much as possible. At 14, your oldest has been homeschooled for around 9 years, which is something that you were apparently happy with. So a judge/mediator is going to look very closely at your motivations for a change, which I have to admit seem somewhat suspect. How are the kids doing academically? All states require some type of evaluation. Socially? There are a lot of social opportunities outside of a formal school setting. What have you done to provide those? While I understand that you've been separated for 2 1/2 years, there were quite a number of years prior to that when you weren't and would have been able to provide those possibilities.

I think you may find yourself in an uphill fight on this one.

The homeschool issue was the main reason for divorce. Please understand that my kids were not registrered with the State or County at all , ever.
Now the kids are registered with the local school district.
I never agreed to shomeschooling and admittedly kept my head in the sand.
I am NOT doing this for money. If you read closely, I do not contest the support issue.
This isnt about money or revenge. Why does this seem to be everyones focus, becuase it sure isnt mine.

The reason people are focussing on your motives is because it's pretty odd to want to change what the kid is used to after this length of time. You went along with homeschooling for a pretty lengthy period of time - it's a little late to now say you never agreed to it. What evidence do you have that you've been concerned about the kids' development? Again, what have you done to provide social opportunities for them (this is the third time I've raised this issue, and you've yet to answer it)?

A judge isn't going to just take "I had my head in the sand" as a reason to change their method of schooling. You need something tangible to present to him/her.

Here are the social activities I have provided since sepration. Prior to these, there were none.
Karate, gymnastics, Little league, piano lessons, and a few more sports activites.
My children LOVE anything that has other kids their age involved.
The kids are fairly social and I think they would thrive in a "normal" setting.
Thanks for the questions Steath.

You're contradicting yourself:

Kids are very unsocial

Click to expand...

The kids are fairly social

Click to expand...

It's one or the other. Honestly? If the kids are meeting state academic standards, I don't see that a court is going to change things if the kids are also provided extracurricular activities. Just as your stbx would have trouble convincing a judge that they should now go to private school (and you should contribute tuition), you're going to have trouble convincing a court that they should no longer be home schooled. Unless, of course, their education is suffering. Sticking your head in the sand may well have cost you dearly.

Dennis...

Dennis,

I think it's pathetic that you want a divorce because of the fact that your children are homeschooled. Wow... Isn't divorce more traumatizing to your children then the fact that they are being homeschooled???

You have certainly contradicted yourself. First you say your children are shy, then you say they are social. Which is it??? Why couldn't you have brought them to extracurricular activities when you were married?

I think there is much more to this story then you're letting on. I think you are causing more problems with your "concern" then if you just let the kids continue with what they are used to and throw in some activities. Why rock the boat???

Gonwim, of course the divorce involves more than homeschooling. I was looking for opinons, and thats exactly what I got.
Its impossible to go into exact detail involving what lead to these circumstances, but you all have supplied me with the opinions I needed to hear.
Stealth2 has answered I my questions the way I needed to hear them.
Thanks

Why not ask the kids what they would like to do?