Custodial parent living with someone?

What is the name of your state? IL

Is it okay for the primary custodial parent to have someone living with them when the divorce is not final yet? My soon-to-be ex-wife has this guy living with her that she met in February, didn't see for two months, then they started dating about a month and a half ago. Well, now the guy is pretty much living there, and has already asked her to marry him. I don't know who this guy is or much about him at all. I am concerned about my two daughters though. My ex hasn't known this guy very long at all and has launched him right into my children's lives. If it was someone she had known for a while, that would be one thing. Is she allowed to do this?

Unless he is a danger to the children and you can PROVE it, it's none of your business.

I honestly don't mind him being there, I'm just wondering if it's okay from a legal standpoint. My wife called me one day "asking" if it was okay if he moved in. At the time, I said no soley based on not wanting her bringing guys in and out of my kids lives so quickly. But given the fact that she asked me (she does have an attorney she could ask), I was under the assumption that her lawyer told her she had to have my permission. Anyone know?

She does not need your permission. And while it's not a bright thing to do for a myriad of reasons, it's not illegal.

No, it's not bright.

This is a bad thing to do in my opinion. The children are
getting the wrong message. I think it would go against her
in a court of law. Judges I have listened to don't look
favorably on cohabitation without marriage. However, as
the times change who knows now? I would think it would
not be good for the children and I would protest.

I think it would go against her
in a court of law. Judges I have listened to don't look
favorably on cohabitation without marriage.

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You know kids, I am sick and tired of people coming in here and giving an opinion as to what a judge would do.

The fact that you are not yet divorced and she has moved a man into the home MAY have a bearing on alimony and/or other support issues. HOWEVER, it is not illegal, is not a matter for you and/or a judge outside of the issue of safety and the 'best interest of the children' and is not a matter for this forum.

The fact is, it's not illegal period.

Thanks for the replies. I was just wondering if there was a particular reason she was asking me if it was okay or not. She has an attorney, I don't. But, like I said before... if it was someone she has known for a long time, it'd be fine with me. To me, I don't think she's known this guy long enough to be playing "happy family" with him already. I don't want my kids getting attached to this guy, and then feel abandoned (again) when she tosses him out... that's all. Anyway, thanks again for the replies.

I was just wondering if there was a particular reason she was asking me if it was okay or not.

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That's your call and hers. The probable reason she asked is because she still cares about your opinion and didn't want you finding out about it from the kids.

As for the kids getting attached to the guy,you need to keep your relationship strong with them AND her. They are going to get 'attached' sooner or later to someone else. But they will only have one "daddy".

I figure it was mostly a way to let you know herself rather than have you hear it from the kids or through the grapevine. Your opinion obviously hasn't impacted her decision, has it?

That's the part I don't really understand. She's pretty much run me over in every other way, and hasn't looked back since... so I can't really figure out why she asked me unless her lawyer told her she had to have my "blessings" for some reason. I don't know...

I don't know what the procedure for this is in your state but if at all possible I would get this man's full name and any information you can from your wife or better yet from her new boyfriend. In the interest of your children's safety and well being I think it makes very good sense to get a background check on him. If he is a decent man he would understand this and appreciate your concern and if he freaks out and acts like a fool, well then he's just that and God know's what kind of baggage he's carrying around with him. In my opinion, decent, emotionally stable men usually don't want to move in to a woman's house who is not even divorced yet WITH two kids who will make mincemeat out of him. Good luck!

I agree. There are too many cases where the "other" man or woman doesn't
want another man's child with the couple. Kids don't need to feel "in the way"
or certainly don't need to be in danger. Hope you do some checking. Maybe
the ex wasn't too sure of the situation either?