Three Year Custody battle

3 1/2 years ago, my 3 daughters were taken away from my ex-wife, because her and her boyfriend sexually abused them. The boyfriend got a 5-life prison term, the ex got convicted of misdemeaner lewdness. I eventually got custody (2 weeks after I was remarried). We have been brought into court an average of 2-3 times a year ever since, (this year 5 different times. The latest accuation is that we were abusing/neglecting the girls. It went to mediation,(her idea), several weeks later the ex told me we were no longer doing mediation, no explaination. We are now going to trial (sched. for 2 days). Ex admitted that she knew there was no abuse. Isn't that perjury, or some other illegal act? Also how do I keep her from filing false charges in future. She always involves the girls. How do I get the judge to quit being a fence sitter. My attny says that the judge doesn't want to upset either side. This is hard on the girls, and a strain on my marriage.

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Keith Jenson

Be honest with the judge and prepare a brief one page list of all the petitions she has filed, the alleged charges and the result. If you keep it to one or two pages then the judge will be able to see what is going on without going through his papers.

If that does not work.. file charges against her for harressment.

Thanks very much for the info. It's hard to have to rely on my lawyer, without me, he wouldn't be able to afford braces for his kids. So he probably doesn't mind the constant court appearances. Court is on the 22,23 of Aug. I'll post the results

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Keith Jenson

Thanks very much for the info. It's hard to have to rely on my lawyer, without me, he wouldn't be able to afford braces for his kids. So he probably doesn't mind the constant court appearances. Court is on the 22,23 of Aug. I'll post the results

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Keith Jenson

Whats really interesting about this whole mess, is that my ex-wifes family have told me how glad they are I have custody. they have been supportive, and have told the Guardian Ad Lietum that their daughter shouldn't get custody, and recently told an investigater that the ex hired that she should have supervised visitation. They'll be there on Tues as one of my witness's. The ex inlaws have sent two of my three daughters to Europe, to spend the summer with one of their mothers sister, and each time the ex has tried to get a court order to stop it. Oh well, thanks again

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Keith Jenson

KIETH, I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT WELL FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLS. I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU, DID YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR G.A.L? MY (HOPEFULLY SOOON TO BE EX-HUSBAND) HAS REQUESTED THE GAL. IM SURE HES GOTTEN THE TERM/HELP FROM SOMEONE ELSE. HE'S MORE INTERESTED IN HIS DRUG LIFESTYLE THAN COURT PROCEEDING, BUT HE'S ACTING AS HIS OWN LAWYER, IT SEEMS THAT IS ALLOWING HIM TO SAY ANYTHING HE WANTS WHILE I SEEM TO STAND "QUIETLY" NEXT TO MY ATTORNEY. ALSO IF I MAY ASK WHAT EXACTLY DID THE GAL DO FOR YOUR GIRLS, THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ACTING ON THE BEHALF OF CHILDREN, WHY ARE THEY BEING USED AS WEAPONS BY ANGRY RESPONDENTS?
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT GAL COST 1000.00 AND NEEDS TO BE PAID UP FRONT, DID YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOURS? IF SO ISNT THAT A LOT OF MONEY FOR A COURT APPOINTED INVESTIGATOR? I TOO FEEL LIKE MY ATTORNEY IS NOT HELPING ME. I HAVE BEEN TOLD UNTIL THIS PROCESS TAKES PLACE MY DIVORCE IS AT VIRTUAL STAND STILL. DID YOU DIVORCE YOUR EX BEFORE THE CUSTODY BATTLE?
VALERIE IN WASHINGTON.
[email protected]

Valerie, No I didn't have to pay for the GAL. I've been impressed by the work the GAL's office has done. They interviewed the girls, and in court jumped in to object when something that wasn't in their best interest was brought up. They keep blinders on and fight for what's best for the children The one negative aspect of the GAL's office is that since this thing started 3 years ago with the two different custody battles there have been 5-6 different GAL's. They seem to be overloaded with cases, and constantly in transition. A few of them acted as if they were fighting for their own children, which really gave me peace of mind. Others sat quietly in court, saying very little.

My ex filed for divorce after she got out of jail. I talked her into a separation, offered to move out to give her space, and give me a break, since I had been taking care of the girls, and was emotionally exhausted from her year long criminal trial. Once I moved out, she filed for divorce and got custody by default. My moving out told the courts that I trusted her with them, regardless of how bad I needed a break. The girls were later taken away by DCFS and that when the current battle started.
To help with feeling helpless, I was told by an attorney that as long as everybody involved gets a copy, you can write the judge a letter, letting him know your feelings. That helped me during those times that I had to stand there listening to the lies. It might be different in your state.

Oh by the way, everything went great in court. My ex finally represented herself also. Remember the saying "he who represents himself has a fool for a client".
If the GAL has email communicate w/him/her that way, it's easier for them to respond to email than to phone messages, and gives you a paper trail to print out and bring to court. I hope this helped, let me know how things go, keep in touch. Keith

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Keith Jenson

Hey Keith, so what happened in court ?? We LOVE real life experiences here.. 10 times better than any advice we can give...

In court, my ex had to show that there had been significant change in the current custody arrangement. She represented herself, and had about 15 witnesses. Some of the witnesses stated how SHE had changed, others stated that we both had been involved in their lives. An ex-boyfriend stated that when he came to pick them up once they were unbathed and the girls complained that we didn't have any hot water. We had one witness, my ten year olds therapist, who stated that it was obvious that mom was talking to his client about everything that was going on in court. He also mentioned how the ex had mentioned that when asked how she thought the girls were being abused, she said "I know they aren't being abused, but my attorney (before she fired her) needed an excuse to get the case back to court." Also how during one visit, how mom had taken the girls to the police station to tell the police that they were afraid of me, and how damaging all this was. The ex even had the girls on her witness list, and told the court that the girls were prepared to testify as to their mothers positive parenting skills. Even after the GAL and the therapist told of the damage it was doing, the judge wanted to talk to the girls AGAIN.
Interestingly enough, the girls had all along multiple interviewers that they wanted to live with their mother. When the judge interviewed them, they said it was up to him.
My atttorney showed me a statute, and reminded the judge that if the court finds that the charges were false, the the party bringing the false charges into court is responsible for the other parties legal fees. Although my attorney told me not to expect to get attorneys fee, which I find disturbing. I'm still waiting on the paperwork as to the outcome, (so I can refresh my mind/and see it in writing). In summary, NO significant change.
In parting, document everything, be there for your kids, because they'll eventually figure out which parent really was looking out for them, keep a few valium around for those really stressful court appearances. Also remember that one day your children will be deciding whether to put you in a nice nursing home, or a stinky run down nursing home. And NEVER GIVE UP!.... Keith

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Keith Jenson