Went to court have some ?'s

What is the name of your state? Virginia
My spouse and I went to court in Virginia on June 17. I was awarded physical custody and we have joint legal custody. He filed for the divorce/seperation. I had to represent myself in court due to lack of funds to hire an attorney because he has not any paid support or bills 4 months. (I haven't worked for 14 years plus I have MS) I got the court order and have NOT signed them yet.
My questions:

1: My spouse is living in North Carolina and my children and I live in Virginia. Can he bring the children to North Carolina? If so should I get a bond?

2: He is order to pick the children up every other weekend by 5 PM on Friday and have them back by 5 PM on Sunday. He lives 3 hours away. How can he get here by 5 PM (He works very long hrs as a VP of a company) What if he doesn't? The kids shouldn't have to wait for him for hours until he shows up.

3: He is living with a female and her child. Can he legally have them visit at their home in North Carolina? (It is illegal in both states to have an affair)
4: What is Unitary Support? Is this good or bad?

5: How do I collect retroactive support? I filed a Petition for Support with Juv Court in April. His lawyer changed the date and we ended up going to Civil Court. If I filed in April should it not be retroactive support sin then?

6: If his attorney put something in the Order that the judge told her not to what should I do?

7: My husband lied about his income and did not produce pay stubs. How can I get his pay stubs? (I do have his bank statement showing how much he deposited) Or how can I prove his income? (He is in the 6-figure income level) He received a 20% bonus that he got in Feb and has received a raise?
How do I notify the court of his incorrect income statement?

8: If he admitted in his Answer to Cross Bill of Complaint by way of stating that he agreed --- that he told me the reason why he left was not because of her, is that enough prove of an affair? If not how do I need to prove the affair? (It is 100% that he is living with her)

9: His lawyer told me that there was not a court transcript and we had to go by her notes of proceedings. Is this true? Does the Judge not provide Written Findings? His Lawyer changed some major thing in the order than what the Judge said.

10: If one of our children does not want to visit with him right now is there anything I can do on her behalf? Is this issue not between her and her father?

Thanks for your help

I'm not familiar with Virginia Laws and I'm not an attorney..you should consult an attorney in your area to at least have your orders reviewed before signing them. An attorney would be able to tell you if you're getting a fair deal and answer your questions. Where I'm at an attorney will charge $50.00 to do this. It's also in your best interest to study up on Virginia's family code. you can do this on-line. you may be able to speak to the judge yourself being that you have no representation - I don't know the in's and out's of that. I'd try to though being that the orders contain that which you stated the judge did not authorize to be put in the orders. Perhaps with a bump someone more knowledgeable with Virginia's laws can give you better advice.

1: My spouse is living in North Carolina and my children and I live in Virginia. Can he bring the children to North Carolina? If so should I get a bond?

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Yes, he can take them anyplace he so desires absent a specific order to the contrary in the visitation order.

He is order to pick the children up every other weekend by 5 PM on Friday and have them back by 5 PM on Sunday. He lives 3 hours away. How can he get here by 5 PM (He works very long hrs as a VP of a company) What if he doesn't? The kids shouldn't have to wait for him for hours until he shows up.

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He is not "ORDERED" to do anything. The visitation order is granting him the RIGHT to visitation. Whether or not he picks them up at the prescribed time or a few hours later, that is his time and they WILL be ready to go. If not, then you are in contempt of a court order.

He is living with a female and her child. Can he legally have them visit at their home in North Carolina?

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Yes, it's perfectly legal as long as it is not prohibited specifically in the court order.

What is Unitary Support? Is this good or bad?

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A combination of spousal and child support. Whether it is good or bad is subjective.

How do I collect retroactive support? I filed a Petition for Support with Juv Court in April. His lawyer changed the date and we ended up going to Civil Court. If I filed in April should it not be retroactive support sin then?

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If the court, in their opinion and in the current support order, did not award it to the date of your filing, then you cannot recover.

If his attorney put something in the Order that the judge told her not to what should I do?

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Nothing. If the judge signed the order with the stipulation in place, there's nothing you can do.

My husband lied about his income and did not produce pay stubs. How can I get his pay stubs?

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You can't. That's his private information. And if the support order has already been issued it's a moot point.

If one of our children does not want to visit with him right now is there anything I can do on her behalf? Is this issue not between her and her father?

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Sure there is. Don't send her. Then within a few days you may find yourself in jail for contempt of court. Or, if it continues, find that you have lost custody.

The Judge has not received the Order nor signed it. I got the Order from my spouse’s lawyer. Which is where the problem is. The Court Order does not match what the Judge Ordered during the proceeding.

I do realize that his visitation time is during that time. What I am asking is if he shows up 4 hours late or even the next day what should I do? I am not trying to keep the children from seeing him. I am actually trying to help his relationship with his kids by understanding what should be done. As you can image the kids would be rather upset to have to sit and wait for an extended period of time to see if he does come at all. I am trying not to be in contempt of court as well as know what to explain to the kids as to how long they have to wait.

The above reply states "You can't. That's his private information. And if the support order has already been issued it's a moot point." in regard to his income.
As far as his income it is not private information any longer. He had to fill out an Income and Expense Statement that he had to sign and submit to the court saying that it was correct. He was supposed to provide 3 months of pay stubs to the court which he did not. He was misstated it in the amount of $25,000. (makes $113,000 submited $88,000) I don't want to make problems for him but that is a good deal of difference.


As far as our one child being upset right now and not wanting to spend time with him, I realize that this will pass as all things do. But right now this is how she feels. It is very hard not to protect your children when you have done it for all of their lives. I have explained to her that this is her relationship with her father and that she needs to talk with him about how she feels. I have explained to her that I cannot intervene on her behalf because the court ordered the visitation so that her father to spend time with her. What I was asking in how could I help her without being in contempt of court. When I spoke with my husband in regard to her feelings his reply was that he was getting angry with her and that she just needed to get over it.

All I am asking is some help in understanding some things. Without a lawyer I am on my own in finding answers.

Would the court appoint an Attorney for you?

I know if you go to court for a criminal offense and can't afford one they
appoint one for you but don't know about divorce or custody. Our local
Legal Aid doesn't handle custody and probably doesn't handle divorce cases.
With your health problems surely there is some help available to you.