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rtlady

Guest
What is the name of your state? Arkansas
I am the grandmother of a 1 year old. Her mother is 15 and her father,my son, was convicted of a felony for having sex with a minor, even though it was consentual and her parents didn't want him prosecuted. The mother was unable to care for the child at approximately 6 months of age due to depression and the maternal grandmother is a recluse and just plain crazy, so I assumed responsibility of the child. Last month, the mother decided she wanted her child back and took her back. This lasted 3 weeks. Since then, she and the baby have been living with me since her mother kicked her out. The maternal grandmother has said in the past that she has custody of the baby since her mother is a minor. Custody was never determined by a court order. I feel that I am responsible for the child and should be able to make decisions about her well-being, but have no idea of my rights. I provide a loving and safe environment for my granddaughter and am trying to help the mother also. Both parents love their baby and are envolved in her life but neither is capable of taking care of her. What do I need to do?
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
The mother has custody. Not either grandmother. In all honesty, your best bet would be to support the mother as best as possible, and encourage her to finish high school so that she can make a decent life for herself and her child.

And I applaud the authorities for following through on the case against your son - the girl must have been at least 14 when your son had sex with her, but very possibly closer to 13. He should've known better - and been taught better.
 

BlondeIntel

Registered User
Arkansas - Age of Consent

If you get to this post by using the search function, you may need this bit of information.

Arkansas Code 5-14-103. Rape. was amended in 2001.

By the time you read this, it could have been amended again.

Since I am not a lawyer, I will not try to interpret what any of the changes mean.
 
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rtlady

Guest
Stealth2, I hesitated to reply to your post but it has bothered me ever since I read it. My son is a 14 year old in the body of a 20 year old. He has a lot of mental problems. He was raised in a loving Christian environment and was taught right from wrong. But as we all know, sometimes children stray from the values they were taught. I was really offended that you made the assumption that it was my fault that he did not do better. I am doing the best I can to make up for his shortcomings by taking in his baby and her mother. I am just trying to do the best I can. I love the child very much and have had her since she was 5 months old. I came to this forum to get some advice and guidance on what to do. The other grandmother seems to think she has all the power to make decisions about the welfare of the child even though I have had the primary custodial and financial responsibility for her. The environment in the other grandmother's house is not good to say the least. I am trying to protect the child and do what is best for her. I truly hope that you do not respond to all requests for help as you did mine because it really bothered me. This is the first time I have participated in a message board and will probably be the last due to the response I got.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
rtlady said:
Stealth2, I hesitated to reply to your post but it has bothered me ever since I read it. My son is a 14 year old in the body of a 20 year old. He has a lot of mental problems. He was raised in a loving Christian environment and was taught right from wrong. But as we all know, sometimes children stray from the values they were taught. I was really offended that you made the assumption that it was my fault that he did not do better. I am doing the best I can to make up for his shortcomings by taking in his baby and her mother. I am just trying to do the best I can. I love the child very much and have had her since she was 5 months old. I came to this forum to get some advice and guidance on what to do. The other grandmother seems to think she has all the power to make decisions about the welfare of the child even though I have had the primary custodial and financial responsibility for her. The environment in the other grandmother's house is not good to say the least. I am trying to protect the child and do what is best for her. I truly hope that you do not respond to all requests for help as you did mine because it really bothered me. This is the first time I have participated in a message board and will probably be the last due to the response I got.
I know it hurt to get that reaction, however you probably won't get a different reaction on a different board. Your son, who was a legal adult, got a girl who was either 13 or 14, pregnant. People simply don't react well to that. Please understand that you are in a ticklish position legally. The MOTHER has custody of the child. You do not. Her mother has custody of her...therefore, to some degree the maternal grandmother does have some control over the baby as well. You, on the other hand have no legal rights at all unless a court would give them to you. Unfortunately, due to the situation, a court is not like to look on you sympathetically.

You best bet really is to continue to support the mother.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I realize that it wasn't pleasant to read. But the the fact remains that your son did commit a crime by having sex with a minor. Unfortunately, many parents do not realize the serious consequences actions such as those can have - something you've come to find out the hard way. While I certainly sympathize with your son's issues, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is wrong for an adult to have sex with a child.

One thing you also need to consider... I assume that your son is incarcerated. When he gets out - where is he going to live? He will likely not be permitted to live with you if the mother and/or her child are there.
 

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